About UltimateGIRness : I am a true southern sweetheart. I don't wear makeup or obsess over guys like most girls my age (13) I show goats for the Chattooga county FFA and I have never seen a stranger. I literally will talk to anyone about anythang( i even spent 40 minutes talking to a wrong number) Don't message cause I use the app. Bye now. Oh and side note: now that you have read this,we are best friends,you have no choice.
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UltimateGIRness's favorite FMLs
by nato / 11/27/2012 at 8:16am / United States / Work
by Sam / 11/25/2012 at 11:39pm / United States (Utah) / Love
Today, while at a red light, a guy in a tux and sunglasses doing the Gangnam Style passed over the crossing, followed by a man with a video camera. This isn't the first time I've stopped for people doing a Gangnam Style parody. FML
by Gangnam / 11/16/2012 at 10:52am / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Miscellaneous
Today, while in my room on the computer, I had a sudden urge to pee. I got up to use the loo and started hearing some disturbing noises from inside. Apparently I was so quiet my parents thought I was gone and decided to have sex in the shower. It's been an hour and my bladder is about to burst. FML
by WentInABush / 11/15/2012 at 2:23am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
Today, after finishing a test, I decided to draw to pass the time. My teacher looked at the drawing and gave me a referral to the principal for drawing an "anti-Semitic picture." I'd drawn Superman. FML
by Superman / 11/15/2012 at 1:01am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I brought a fluorescent tube to the store to make sure I got the correct replacement. Trying to charm the sexy cashier, I waved the tube in the air, saying "I need a new light sabre, there is no force left in this one and the Empire is attacking." Turns out she'd never heard of Star Wars. FML
by hclagopus / 11/14/2012 at 6:39am / Norway / Geek
Today, I was working at the checkout of a nearly empty store, so I picked up an empty box, closed my eyes, and slow-danced with it to the 80s love ballad playing on the radio. I don't know what's worse, dancing with a box, or opening my eyes to see ten or so wary customers waiting to be served. FML
by foreveralone / 11/13/2012 at 5:23am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work
Today, I found my childhood diary stashed in a box in the attic. I flipped to the last page and noticed a little note written by my now deceased father. It read, "Well son, this diary proves that you're a whiny asshole - Dad." Thanks Dad, from beyond the grave. FML
by Anonymous / 11/12/2012 at 9:47pm / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous
by poserpilot / 11/12/2012 at 10:10am / United States (California) / Health
by Anonymous / 11/12/2012 at 1:14am / United States / Transportation
by anon / 11/10/2012 at 4:14pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
by Targeted / 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I started dating a seemingly normal guy. Not even four hours into our relationship, he began telling me that he can see spirits, dead people, and that I have a large black dog following me everywhere I go. FML
by holyshitbatman / 11/08/2012 at 11:53pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, I had to go to my daughter's school because she hasn't been going to class. Her teacher seemed surprised to see me with my husband when we arrived. Apparently I "died" recently and my daughter has had extra responsibility around the house, hence why she doesn't come to class. FML
by Shauna / 11/08/2012 at 6:09am / United States / Kids
Today, I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it looked like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it for a couple of hours, giving it food, and rocking it to sleep, my parents found me. Then I realised it was just celery. Too bad it took that long for my meds to kick in. FML
by Squid / 11/07/2012 at 12:11am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…
- Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, returning home, I found my roommate trying one of my bras. When he saw my shocked face, the… Today, straight after we had sex, my boyfriend went to the bathroom. He stayed in there for a long…