About UltimateGIRness : I am a true southern sweetheart. I don't wear makeup or obsess over guys like most girls my age (13) I show goats for the Chattooga county FFA and I have never seen a stranger. I literally will talk to anyone about anythang( i even spent 40 minutes talking to a wrong number) Don't message cause I use the app. Bye now. Oh and side note: now that you have read this,we are best friends,you have no choice.
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UltimateGIRness's favorite FMLs
by nato / 11/27/2012 at 8:16am / United States / Work
by Sam / 11/25/2012 at 11:39pm / United States (Utah) / Love
Today, while at a red light, a guy in a tux and sunglasses doing the Gangnam Style passed over the crossing, followed by a man with a video camera. This isn't the first time I've stopped for people doing a Gangnam Style parody. FML
by Gangnam / 11/16/2012 at 10:52am / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Miscellaneous
Today, while in my room on the computer, I had a sudden urge to pee. I got up to use the loo and started hearing some disturbing noises from inside. Apparently I was so quiet my parents thought I was gone and decided to have sex in the shower. It's been an hour and my bladder is about to burst. FML
by WentInABush / 11/15/2012 at 2:23am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
Today, after finishing a test, I decided to draw to pass the time. My teacher looked at the drawing and gave me a referral to the principal for drawing an "anti-Semitic picture." I'd drawn Superman. FML
by Superman / 11/15/2012 at 1:01am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I brought a fluorescent tube to the store to make sure I got the correct replacement. Trying to charm the sexy cashier, I waved the tube in the air, saying "I need a new light sabre, there is no force left in this one and the Empire is attacking." Turns out she'd never heard of Star Wars. FML
by hclagopus / 11/14/2012 at 6:39am / Norway / Geek
Today, I was working at the checkout of a nearly empty store, so I picked up an empty box, closed my eyes, and slow-danced with it to the 80s love ballad playing on the radio. I don't know what's worse, dancing with a box, or opening my eyes to see ten or so wary customers waiting to be served. FML
by foreveralone / 11/13/2012 at 5:23am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work
Today, I found my childhood diary stashed in a box in the attic. I flipped to the last page and noticed a little note written by my now deceased father. It read, "Well son, this diary proves that you're a whiny asshole - Dad." Thanks Dad, from beyond the grave. FML
by Anonymous / 11/12/2012 at 9:47pm / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous
by poserpilot / 11/12/2012 at 10:10am / United States (California) / Health
by Anonymous / 11/12/2012 at 1:14am / United States / Transportation
by anon / 11/10/2012 at 4:14pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
by Targeted / 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I started dating a seemingly normal guy. Not even four hours into our relationship, he began telling me that he can see spirits, dead people, and that I have a large black dog following me everywhere I go. FML
by holyshitbatman / 11/08/2012 at 11:53pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, I had to go to my daughter's school because she hasn't been going to class. Her teacher seemed surprised to see me with my husband when we arrived. Apparently I "died" recently and my daughter has had extra responsibility around the house, hence why she doesn't come to class. FML
by Shauna / 11/08/2012 at 6:09am / United States / Kids
Today, I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it looked like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it for a couple of hours, giving it food, and rocking it to sleep, my parents found me. Then I realised it was just celery. Too bad it took that long for my meds to kick in. FML
by Squid / 11/07/2012 at 12:11am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I found out my parents have been slipping birth control pills into my morning orange juice… 2Today, I found out my husband has been catfishing my sixteen year-old brother for over a year. FML 3Today, I babysat a kid who was such a bratty little prick that I actually considered walking out on…