ecxcuze me englisch, freund
Other users about me:
"You creepy old fuck" - 08/25/2009 by screwtaylor
"Lay off the drugs, and those nasty redish-purple circles around your eyes will go away. Better yet, just get a new picture, because that one looks like a mugshot :)" - 03/30/2009 by KSFarmBoy
"the way you talk about women is completely disgusting and degrading! shame on you! i wouldn't be surprised at all if you've never had a girlfriend in your life" - 03/17/2009 by citral
FML:
Today, while my girlfriend slept, her boob Tiberius asked me to lick him. I have denied and told about weird wish to the girlfriend, and girlfriend sent her boob away. FML
Today, I got invited out by friends for coffee after I broke up with my boyfriend. When I told my mom where I was going, she looked at me and said, "But you don't have friends. All your friends are pixels. Where are you really going?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (17117) - you totally deserved it (1791)
On 12/03/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by friendless (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I woke up after a night out at the bar, immediately remembering that I had lost my cell phone, my ID and somehow spent $100. Feeling like shit already, my friend then goes on to tell me that I flashed the entire bar, and ran around the hotel naked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3527) - you totally deserved it (20957)
On 11/22/2009 at 10:45pm - misc - by drunkennight (woman) - Canada (New Brunswick)
Today, I arrived in Austria. Within about an hour, I realized that I couldn't understand any "German". Turns out they have a totally different dialect here to anything I was taught in school. I'm here till May. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13571) - you totally deserved it (10860)
On 11/22/2009 at 12:39pm - misc - by nolinguist (woman) - Austria (Oberosterreich)
Today, I open my front door and saw a covered basket with a card from my girlfriend on it. I picked it up and read, "Hope this cheers you up." I uncovered the basket to find a golden labrador puppy. It's eyes were closed and it wasn't breathing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44040) - you totally deserved it (1129)
On 09/29/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by rainedaddy (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, the weird receptionist at the hotel I'm staying at asked me if I needed an extra blanket because I "looked cold in my sleep last night". FML
I agree, your life sucks (40931) - you totally deserved it (1071)
On 09/24/2009 at 5:50am - misc - by scaredtosleep (man) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, after making out with this guy, our tongue piercings got stuck together. After about five minutes of trying to unlock them, I accidentally vomited a little in his mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24481) - you totally deserved it (20295)
On 09/19/2009 at 1:22am - love - by Pierceew (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I heard my dad screaming in the hallway. Thinking he was having a heart attack I ran to the hall without looking where I was going. I slipped and slid towards my dad in what turned out to be a mass quantity of diarrhea from one of my two dogs. He was screaming because he stepped in it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24375) - you totally deserved it (2008)
On 09/18/2009 at 10:27am - misc - by poopEVERYWHERE (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was taking a shower and I saw a new body wash that said "radiance ribbons." That sounded a little effeminate, but it smelled manly enough and the only alternative was normal soap, so I used it. Just now, I stepped out into the sun and found out what "radiance ribbons" means. I sparkle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32543) - you totally deserved it (14588)
On 07/10/2009 at 1:03pm - misc - by takinabreak (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (189902) - you totally deserved it (15650)
On 03/21/2009 at 3:15am - intimacy - by jilted (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I was walking through Macy's with my girlfriend. I stopped to admire a mannequins ass, joking with my girlfriend like I was touching it. Then proceeded to slap it. It wasn't a mannequin. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24580) - you totally deserved it (115582)
On 03/17/2009 at 6:16am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (California)
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