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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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UlmarBroemel

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UlmarBroemel
  • Town/Country : Here is cold, dark and ruled by KGB
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 12 December 1980 (31 years)
  • Number of visits : 34625
  • Number of comments : 93
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About UlmarBroemel : ecxcuze me englisch, freund

Other users about me:

"You creepy old fuck" - 08/25/2009 by screwtaylor

"Lay off the drugs, and those nasty redish-purple circles around your eyes will go away. Better yet, just get a new picture, because that one looks like a mugshot :)" - 03/30/2009 by KSFarmBoy

"the way you talk about women is completely disgusting and degrading! shame on you! i wouldn't be surprised at all if you've never had a girlfriend in your life" - 03/17/2009 by citral

FML:

Today, while my girlfriend slept, her boob Tiberius asked me to lick him. I have denied and told about weird wish to the girlfriend, and girlfriend sent her boob away. FML

UlmarBroemel's last visitors

XeloXFreezeEviikristinvidjaInspired22CheekylozzaMatt_192vendrettaMissXxBipolarXx

UlmarBroemel's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

UlmarBroemel's favorite FMLs

Today, my six year old told me I have a big nose. When I told her that she hurt my feelings, she laughed and said "Don't be silly mummy, ugly people don't have feelings." FML

#14199055 (315)

I agree, your life sucks (77457) - you deserved it (9245)

On 12/14/2010 at 3:21am - kids - by uglywoman - Australia (Queensland)

Today, two guys broke into my apartment to rob me at gunpoint. While I was wanking. FML

#14043132 (250)

I agree, your life sucks (44782) - you deserved it (7786)

On 12/01/2010 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I got invited out by friends for coffee after I broke up with my boyfriend. When I told my mom where I was going, she looked at me and said, "But you don't have friends. All your friends are pixels. Where are you really going?" FML

#6578691 (36)

I agree, your life sucks (20379) - you deserved it (2298)

On 12/03/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by friendless (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up after a night out at the bar, immediately remembering that I had lost my cell phone, my ID and somehow spent $100. Feeling like shit already, my friend then goes on to tell me that I flashed the entire bar, and ran around the hotel naked. FML

#6414325 (65)

I agree, your life sucks (4644) - you deserved it (25383)

On 11/22/2009 at 10:45pm - misc - by drunkennight (woman) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, I arrived in Austria. Within about an hour, I realized that I couldn't understand any "German". Turns out they have a totally different dialect here to anything I was taught in school. I'm here till May. FML

#6404415 (183)

I agree, your life sucks (16504) - you deserved it (12614)

On 11/22/2009 at 12:39pm - misc - by nolinguist (woman) - Austria (Oberosterreich)

Today, I open my front door and saw a covered basket with a card from my girlfriend on it. I picked it up and read, "Hope this cheers you up." I uncovered the basket to find a golden labrador puppy. Its eyes were closed and it wasn't breathing. FML

#5541044 (264)

I agree, your life sucks (51564) - you deserved it (1629)

On 09/29/2009 at 12:17am - misc - by rainedaddy (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, the weird receptionist at the hotel I'm staying at asked me if I needed an extra blanket because I "looked cold in my sleep last night". FML

#5443972 (163)

I agree, your life sucks (49740) - you deserved it (1568)

On 09/24/2009 at 5:50am - misc - by scaredtosleep (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, after making out with this guy, our tongue piercings got stuck together. After about five minutes of trying to unlock them, I accidentally vomited a little in his mouth. FML

#5345051 (158)

I agree, your life sucks (28262) - you deserved it (24118)

On 09/19/2009 at 1:22am - love - by Pierceew (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I heard my dad screaming in the hallway. Thinking he was having a heart attack I ran to the hall without looking where I was going. I slipped and slid towards my dad in what turned out to be a mass quantity of diarrhea from one of my two dogs. He was screaming because he stepped in it. FML

#5330246 (99)

I agree, your life sucks (27828) - you deserved it (2566)

On 09/18/2009 at 10:27am - animals - by poopEVERYWHERE (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was taking a shower and I saw a new body wash that said "radiance ribbons." That sounded a little effeminate, but it smelled manly enough and the only alternative was normal soap, so I used it. Just now, I stepped out into the sun and found out what "radiance ribbons" means. I sparkle. FML

#3639578 (580)

I agree, your life sucks (47859) - you deserved it (22669)

On 07/10/2009 at 1:03pm - misc - by takinabreak (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, we spread my uncle's ashes at my grandparent's house. We were on a hill overlooking a sunset. It was a beautiful ceremony... until the winds changed direction. Our whole family wound up covered in my Uncle. He's still stuck in my hair. FML

#3078686 (115)

I agree, your life sucks (39885) - you deserved it (2445)

On 06/21/2009 at 12:23am - misc - by Lee (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML

#505547 (367)

I agree, your life sucks (268248) - you deserved it (24536)

On 03/21/2009 at 3:15am - intimacy - by jilted (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was walking through Macy's with my girlfriend. I stopped to admire a mannequin's ass, joking with my girlfriend like I was touching it. Then I slapped it. It wasn't a mannequin. FML

#408707 (240)

I agree, your life sucks (30880) - you deserved it (135584)

On 03/17/2009 at 6:16am - intimacy - by Noname (man) - United States (California)