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Offline (the 04/07/2016 at 5:48am)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 10 October 1991 (25 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1997
  • Number of comments : 23
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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TwoXMike's page activity

Visits<b>watermelon15</b> - the 12/25/2015 at 10:41am<b>fishingforubies2</b> - the 08/03/2015 at 1:19pm<b>Kvothee</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 11:19am<b>twice_shy2015</b> - the 04/17/2015 at 2:17pm<b>shmoooopie</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 1:01am<b>toomanyidiots</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 6:34pm<b>HairIsEverything</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 5:16pm<b>Andrewski12</b> - the 04/11/2015 at 2:04pm<b>ZachHatesPeople</b> - the 03/03/2015 at 9:39am<b>JokerPajamas</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 8:35am<b>Jillian369</b> - the 02/22/2015 at 6:35am<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 02/22/2015 at 12:53am<b>jillylamb</b> - the 01/28/2015 at 4:35pm<b>xwingtwo</b> - the 01/23/2015 at 4:07pm<b>NomadicPie</b> - the 01/23/2015 at 3:45pm<b>jleon3</b> - the 01/19/2015 at 12:25am<b>LilTiki559</b> - the 01/03/2014 at 5:36am<b>UsEumYong</b> - the 09/19/2013 at 10:38pm

Fucked!<b>watermelon15</b> - the 12/25/2015 at 4:41pm

TwoXMike's FML badges


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TwoXMike's favorite FMLs

Today, I decided to get over my lifelong fear of Michael Jackson. I went to have my photo taken with a statue of him. Little did I know, for Halloween week they replace the statues with real people. It jumped out at me; I'm never getting over this fear. FML

by Shady_Soldier / 10/31/2013 at 4:41am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, after recently complaining that the reality show "The Great Norway Adventure" portrays us as a country of nationalistic rednecks, I saw my drunk dad chasing my uncle on a tractor while bellowing the national anthem at the top of his lungs. FML

by overly nationalistic redneck / 10/19/2013 at 3:37pm / Norway (Hordaland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to my cat slowly dragging her paw across my face. I opened my eyes to see a bloody mouse dangling an inch from my face. It was still twitching. FML

by animal lover... / 10/05/2013 at 6:34pm / Animals

Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML

by Anonymous / 10/05/2013 at 4:23pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Animals

Today, my dog tore up a single book from the dozens within his reach. That book was titled "How to Train Your Dog". FML

by iet_Wyrda / 10/04/2013 at 7:00pm / Animals

Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my daughter trying to cut her wrist with a plastic spoon. When I asked her why, she said her friend Lucy did that so her parents would buy her pretty things. My daughter and Lucy are both four years old. FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2013 at 7:54pm / United Kingdom (West Lothian) / Kids

Today, my mom started her new job; she's now my new coworker. She's already told the other girl I'd said she talks too much, and has berated me for not calling her "mom" while at work. FML

by Anonymous / 09/29/2013 at 8:15pm / Brazil (Sao Paulo) / Work

Today, I found tiny little maggots in the bristles of my toothbrush. I have no idea how long they've been there. FML

by wombats / 09/28/2013 at 10:38am / United States (North Carolina) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I came home to find my parents wearing Santa hats and blasting Christmas music at full volume. So begins three months of hell. FML

by Anonymous / 09/27/2013 at 3:08pm / Norway (Hordaland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I watched in horror as my dad picked up a dead centipede, placed it on his tongue, and then swallowed it. FML

by Anonymous / 09/26/2013 at 12:19pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to work at my job as a secretary. I had been given the task to file my boss's collection of Playboy magazines alphabetically by name of the centerfold. There was one for every month from the years of 1980 until now. FML

by Abcporn / 09/25/2013 at 7:22pm / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, the creepy kid on the bus saved me a seat again. Thinking he wanted to be friends, I followed him on twitter. He was doing a live video feed so I checked it out. It was of me. FML

by AnAwesomePerson7 / 09/25/2013 at 6:30pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I decided to be friendly and say hi to the weird kid at school, who was sitting by himself eating lunch. After I said hello, he stared up at me intensely and said, "I don't have many friends. Yeah. Mainly 'cause I've eaten most of them." FML

by scared shitless in ohio / 09/25/2013 at 4:02pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the nice guy who comes to my workplace every morning to bring me a smoothie also makes a point of putting his knob in it before giving it to me. Also, all my coworkers knew about this and think it's hilarious. FML

by littledipper / 09/24/2013 at 11:51pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, my ex-wife put my number on Craigslist as a gay fashion designer needing a one night stand. I only found out when I got a text from an unknown number asking me when was the last time I "ate a black anaconda". FML

by Craigslist is Evil. / 09/24/2013 at 2:12pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy