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TwoXMike

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TwoXMike

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 10 October 1991 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1103
  • Number of comments : 21
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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TwoXMike's page activity

Visits<b>Kvothee</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 11:19am<b>twice_shy2015</b> - the 04/17/2015 at 2:17pm<b>shmoooopie</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 1:01am<b>toomanyidiots</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 6:34pm<b>HairIsEverything</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 5:16pm<b>Andrewski12</b> - the 04/11/2015 at 2:04pm<b>ZachHatesPeople</b> - the 03/03/2015 at 9:39am<b>JokerPajamas</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 8:35am<b>Jillian369</b> - the 02/22/2015 at 6:35am<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 02/22/2015 at 12:53am<b>jillylamb</b> - the 01/28/2015 at 4:35pm<b>xwingtwo</b> - the 01/23/2015 at 4:07pm<b>NomadicPie</b> - the 01/23/2015 at 3:45pm<b>jleon3</b> - the 01/19/2015 at 12:25am<b>LilTiki559</b> - the 01/03/2014 at 5:36am<b>UsEumYong</b> - the 09/19/2013 at 10:38pm<b>akma9</b> - the 09/13/2013 at 8:51pm<b>jaffvis</b> - the 08/02/2013 at 4:34am

TwoXMike's FML badges

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of TwoXMike's badges

TwoXMike's favorite FMLs

Today, I pulled over a speeding driver. I admit that I'd been hoping for this moment since I joined the police force; the moment a lady put her cleavage on display to get out of a ticket. Sadly, this lady was a senior citizen, and her breasts looked like two semi-deflated balloons. FML

#20977282
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44523) - you deserved it (19961)

On 12/01/2013 at 6:07pm - work - by fuck my eyeballs (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was taking some clean bedsheets down from the top of the wardrobe. As I pulled the top sheet down, a cat jumped onto my face, claws and all, before falling to the floor and running away. Thing is, I don't own a cat and I have no idea where in the house it has hidden now. FML

#20972130
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42929) - you deserved it (2777)

On 11/27/2013 at 2:08am - animals - by Seriously_Scaredy_Cat - United States

Today, I was playing monopoly with my boyfriend and a few friends. After I bankrupted my boyfriend, he turned to me and said, "I fucked your best friend last night, so who really won?" I turned to the best friend in question, she looked at the board and said, "I'd like to buy a house please." FML

#20967834
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62352) - you deserved it (4530)

On 11/23/2013 at 11:11am - misc - by I hate that game - United Kingdom (Wigan)

Today, my father took revenge on me for bankrupting him in a game of Monopoly. His revenge consisted of having a truckload of sand dumped in my driveway while I was at work. FML

#20966996
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39786) - you deserved it (3332)

On 11/22/2013 at 3:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML

#20965814
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45864) - you deserved it (3129)

On 11/21/2013 at 12:52pm - animals - by thatsnotacat - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I turned 30. While all my friends are getting married, furthering careers and having children, I'm still sat around being as immature as I was as a teenager. I'm going through a classic case of premature age-jaculation. I laughed for 10 minutes after coming up with that. FML

Today, while working at McDonald's, an angry customer called asking for his money back. Apparently we'd put 6 cheeseburgers in his bag instead of 5, he ate them all and now feels sick. FML

Today, I got an angry call to the phone shop where I work. The caller demanded that we give him his money back. His reason? He said he'd been tricked because his phone got ruined by water "even though he was using the waterproof application". FML

#20960536
71 comments

Today, I realized how amazing I've become at faking orgasms: I made up everything from the noises of my juices to pure, blissful climax over the phone to my husband. He came; I finished putting laundry away. FML

#20955991
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49650) - you deserved it (13064)

On 11/13/2013 at 1:40am - intimacy - by CanWeAllGetOne - United States (Texas)

Today, while taking an order over the phone for the customer at work, I began to hear slight moans. The moans gradually became faster and louder, until climax was achieved and I realized I was being used for phone sex. FML

#20955245
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44717) - you deserved it (3637)

On 11/12/2013 at 3:29pm - work - by long day - United States (Michigan)

Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML

#20952990
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41621) - you deserved it (3777)

On 11/10/2013 at 6:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I walked under a tree and heard birds chirping from above. I stopped and looked up, only to catch a face full of bird shit. FML

#20947706
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45291) - you deserved it (9096)

On 11/06/2013 at 1:08pm - animals - by lbg2msf (man) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I got a new cell phone number and sent a text to my wife. Playing around, I said, "Hey sexy are you alone yet? I'm ready to come over." She responded with, "Hey, yeah he is at work - did you get a new number?" FML

#20941049
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (91509) - you deserved it (6638)

On 11/01/2013 at 3:01am - intimacy - by PapaW - United States (Utah)

Today, my grandma has been running around the neighborhood, dressed as Bobo the Evil Clown, chasing trick-or-treaters. All I've been able to do is chase after her, and apologize to the terrified children's families. FML

#20941017
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38308) - you deserved it (3389)

On 11/01/2013 at 2:04am - misc - by bobosgonnagetyou - United States (Oregon)



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