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TwoXMike

Offline (the 05/21/2015 at 2:05am) | Search for a member

TwoXMike

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 10 October 1991 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1078
  • Number of comments : 20
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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TwoXMike's page activity

Visits<b>Kvothee</b> - the 04/19/2015 at 11:19am<b>twice_shy2015</b> - the 04/17/2015 at 2:17pm<b>shmoooopie</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 1:01am<b>toomanyidiots</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 6:34pm<b>HairIsEverything</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 5:16pm<b>Andrewski12</b> - the 04/11/2015 at 2:04pm<b>ZachHatesPeople</b> - the 03/03/2015 at 9:39am<b>JokerPajamas</b> - the 02/23/2015 at 8:35am<b>Jillian369</b> - the 02/22/2015 at 6:35am<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 02/22/2015 at 12:53am<b>jillylamb</b> - the 01/28/2015 at 4:35pm<b>xwingtwo</b> - the 01/23/2015 at 4:07pm<b>NomadicPie</b> - the 01/23/2015 at 3:45pm<b>jleon3</b> - the 01/19/2015 at 12:25am<b>LilTiki559</b> - the 01/03/2014 at 5:36am<b>UsEumYong</b> - the 09/19/2013 at 10:38pm<b>akma9</b> - the 09/13/2013 at 8:51pm<b>jaffvis</b> - the 08/02/2013 at 4:34am

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TwoXMike's favorite FMLs

Today, at a big family dinner, my dad said, "Pfff, gays don't have it hard at all. The things a guy has to do for sex with a girl? Crazy. All a gay guy has to do for sex is become an altar boy!" My husband's side of the family is very religious, and all hell quickly broke loose. FML

#21369938
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32657) - you deserved it (3046)

On 03/07/2015 at 1:42pm - misc - by killme (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I bought my niece a plush My Little Pony figure for her birthday. Only after she unwrapped it did I realize that it was meant to be a sex toy for grown men. FML

#21123212
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42111) - you deserved it (17651)

On 04/26/2014 at 1:57am - kids - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I got billed for $80 of Justin Bieber music. It wouldn't have been so bad if it were my daughter who bought it all, instead of my husband. FML

#21096936
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42724) - you deserved it (4158)

On 03/26/2014 at 2:00pm - misc - by husbands addiction - United States (California)

Today, I'm eight months pregnant with my second child. My 18-month-old son loves to watch my belly move when his baby brother moves. And then loves to smack my belly. It's going to be a long eighteen years. FML

Today, my brother and I took our cars to get oil changes. While we were there, a guy asked if we were dating. When we told him we were siblings, he responded with, "So?" FML

Today, during a lecture, my teacher jokingly talked about the time he was best buds with George Washington. Another student then asked, "Really? You knew him?" I'm in an advanced placement U.S. history class. FML

#21065125
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41162) - you deserved it (3485)

On 02/19/2014 at 12:12am - work - by Dsark (man) - United States (California)

Today, while driving, I saw a dog run across the road. Feeling sorry for the pup on a cold, rainy night, I pulled my car over to pick it up. Once in, it started freaking out so I turned on the light. It was then that I realized I'd just put a wild coyote on my passenger seat. FML

Today, I was out with my girlfriend at a club. As a slow dance began, a guy approached and asked, "May I cut in?" My girlfriend surprised me by saying, "Sure!" As I was about to protest, the guy cut me off and said, "Sorry miss, I was asking him." FML

#21059471
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46628) - you deserved it (6577)

On 02/13/2014 at 8:31pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML

#21058991
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48810) - you deserved it (17771)

On 02/13/2014 at 10:20am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, the highlight of my day was when I figured out that my little brother's toy dump truck could actually dump stuff out. I'm 18. FML

#21048030
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36782) - you deserved it (7236)

On 02/02/2014 at 11:13am - misc - by LarissaT18 (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, after working my shift at McDonalds, I went to clock in at my dispatch job. During a 911 call, I blurted, "Would you like to try the McRib while it's back?" FML

#21023934
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46506) - you deserved it (8746)

On 01/10/2014 at 9:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a figure holding a knife above me. After I screamed in terror, the figure burst into laughter. It was my mom. She did this as payback for me not washing the dishes last night after making food. FML

#21016927
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41969) - you deserved it (16722)

On 01/04/2014 at 6:43pm - misc - by awkwardpartybear (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my son was playing The Sims, when I saw him remove the door to a room and set it on fire with a Sim trapped inside. I chuckled at first, until I saw that the Sim was me. Meanwhile, my wife's Sim was happily painting in the next room, not giving a crap. All too accurate, sadly. FML

#21015673
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48544) - you deserved it (5219)

On 01/03/2014 at 4:50pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my dad is going through a midlife crisis. He now wants to be less like a dad and more like a "best friend" to me. This mainly involves him constantly texting me, sending me stuff on Snapchat, and saying stuff like "wicked cool", "bazinga", and "swag" every chance he gets. FML

#21014175
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45268) - you deserved it (4489)

On 01/02/2014 at 12:07pm - misc - by fuck off, dad (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my 4-year-old daughter figured out how to set a parental code lock on our television so we can't watch football because it scares her when we scream. She won't tell us no matter what we bribe her with. FML

#21010264
313 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45274) - you deserved it (23561)

On 12/30/2013 at 7:10am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)



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