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Twisted107's favorite FMLs
by Devon / 05/19/2011 at 9:38pm / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous
by sushi hater / 03/13/2011 at 2:55pm / United States (Colorado) / Health
Today, my mother keyed my car because I wouldn't invite her into my home and get her a cup of tea, so she could continue screaming that she was going to kill me while I tried to feed my 4 month old daughter. The last time I got her a cup of tea she threw it in my face. FML
by crazyparents / 11/10/2010 at 2:12am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
Today, my sister and I got into an argument at a tennis court which ended up with her trying to run me over in the parking lot. I stepped to the side and hit her door, denting it. My parents expect me to pay for the damage caused by my sister trying to kill me. FML
by toyotasmash / 10/07/2010 at 7:37pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, it was really hot in my house so I pulled my shorts down so I was just in my boxers. My family and I were watching tv and I got a spontaneous erection. When I discreetly tried to pull my shorts back up, my penis flipped out of my boxers. FML
Today, I parked and noticed a car that was identical to mine across from me. I thought it was an amusing coincidence until I came back to find both cars trashed. At least the vandal realized their mistake and left a note saying, "You deserve it for having the same car as that cheater, asshole!" FML
by GuiltByTenuousAssociation / 03/01/2010 at 8:17am / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation
Today, my fiancée and I were selecting our wedding cake. The wedding is now off since I refused to buy her the "dream" wedding cake she wanted because it was chocolate. She called me childish and cheap. I'm highly allergic to chocolate. FML
by Ringless / 02/25/2010 at 4:47pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/25/2010 at 1:10am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was riding the bus. Suddenly, it appeared to start to snow inside the bus, and I assumed a window was open. When I looked up however, I discovered the girl in front of me putting her hair up in a ponytail. The so-called "snow" was coming off of her head. FML
by ummmmEW / 02/12/2010 at 7:04pm / United States (Michigan) / Transportation
Today, I went back to school after missing the first 2 weeks of the new school year. I got grilled in my first lesson by my teacher for "gallivanting around on holiday in some sunny place" when I should've been at school learning. My dad had died from liver cancer. FML
by Dude / 01/21/2010 at 6:41am / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Health
Today, my female room-mate decided to throw away my xbox, along with a few other possessions because they reminded her of her ex. Furiously, I asked her if "it was that time of the month again." Now I can't feel my balls, and miss my games. FML
by NYCguy / 01/19/2010 at 10:59pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by wowhoopla / 01/10/2010 at 8:10pm / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/08/2010 at 11:32am / United States (New York) / Love
Today, I was babysitting a new child. I guess she heard me tell her parents about my severe peanut allergy because she got a jar out of the pantry, spread it all over the stairs leading to where her fort was, and walked around with a baseball bat covered in it so I couldn't come near her. FML
by PeanutlyDisabled / 01/08/2010 at 2:23am / France / Kids
by StinkyCactus / 01/08/2010 at 1:23am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…
- Today, my girlfriend told me she didn't want to get it on with me because she didn't want to ruin… Today, my girlfriend and I were taking a shower together. We were fooling around when she takes the… Today, I found out the guy I've been dating for 5 months is engaged to his girlfriend of 3 years. I…