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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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TurtleGenius

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TurtleGenius
  • Town/Country : United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 62131
  • Number of comments : 35
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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TurtleGenius's favorite FMLs

Today, my 15-year-old daughter asked for a ride to her boyfriend's house. It's the same house I've been driving her to for sleepovers with her friend "Kate" for two years. FML

#4473849 (340)

I agree, your life sucks (27839) - you deserved it (34812)

On 08/12/2009 at 12:14pm - kids - by anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was approached by the head cheerleader, and she asked for my number. I was so excited that I gave it to her without question. Then she smiled, and walked away. Too bad my girlfriend was right behind me when it happened. FML

#4443952 (184)

I agree, your life sucks (4864) - you deserved it (67230)

On 08/11/2009 at 2:42am - misc - by A.L.Woody - United States (Colorado)

Today, while in the shower, my roomates thought it would be really funny if they threw my cat in with me. The doctor who gave me the stitches also thought so. FML

#4380799 (85)

I agree, your life sucks (37559) - you deserved it (1638)

On 08/08/2009 at 5:35am - animals - by N1ch0la1 (man) - South Africa (Western Cape)

Today, I found out my boyfriend stacks things on me while I sleep. Apparently his record is 4 pillows, a textbook, and the cat. FML

#4330249 (358)

I agree, your life sucks (69487) - you deserved it (14724)

On 08/06/2009 at 7:11am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I found out that the girl I tutored in high school in basic ENGLISH just received her PhD in Biophysics. I am now the manager of a McDonald's. I was also the Valedictorian of our graduating class. FML

#4253042 (234)

I agree, your life sucks (31529) - you deserved it (26392)

On 08/03/2009 at 11:08am - work - by MickeyDManager (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was at a water park with my family. They wanted me to stand underneath this big bucket filled with water. I didn't know it tips over, and my swimsuit isn't the tightest, so when all the water fell down, my swimsuit bottoms fell to my knees in front of tons of kids. FML

#4122960 (117)

I agree, your life sucks (29094) - you deserved it (8437)

On 07/29/2009 at 12:13am - misc - by Bareassed (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. I speak 4 languages and thought if I spoke French, the Officer would let me off with a warning thinking I was a tourist. Afterwards I turned to my wife and said "I can't believe that worked." He was a few feet away and heard. FML

#3838271 (169)

I agree, your life sucks (7019) - you deserved it (66661)

On 07/17/2009 at 6:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was in a hurry to get to work. I pulled impatiently behind a long line of cars to make a right hand turn. I sat there for 5 minutes. Turns out there wasn't a line to make a right hand turn. I had been waiting behind a line of parked cars. FML

#888437 (76)

I agree, your life sucks (8035) - you deserved it (49572)

On 04/09/2009 at 4:46pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, at lunch I was running to my group's table with my friend. She accidentally tripped me, and I slid across the café floor face first on my belly. The whole cafeteria was silent. They then broke out in hysterics when the head janitor ran up to me and yelled 'SAFE!' like a baseball umpire. FML

#877965 (269)

I agree, your life sucks (52591) - you deserved it (7824)

On 04/08/2009 at 9:42pm - misc - by eun (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML

#837103 (577)

I agree, your life sucks (40697) - you deserved it (114314)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)