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1Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 3073
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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Turn's favorite FMLs

Today, I tried to comfort my daughter who'd been crying non-stop for hours. She thinks Chuck Norris is coming to kill her, and I can't convince her otherwise. FML

#16936128
311 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37234) - you deserved it (5040)

On 07/01/2011 at 1:42pm - kids - by parenting sucks - United States (New York)

Today, as I passed my fiancé the pancakes I had just made, he vocalised his happiness with a groan that was EXACTLY like the one he makes when we have sex. So on a sexiness rating, I'm a pancake. FML

#16830910
360 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35663) - you deserved it (9779)

On 06/24/2011 at 6:45am - intimacy - by Eve (woman) - Ireland (Cork)

Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML

#16661334
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13463) - you deserved it (59736)

On 06/14/2011 at 1:57pm - money - by notinthebutt (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, we finally got wireless Internet. My mom won't let us open any doors or windows in fear that it might "let the Internet out". It's 103 degrees in here. FML

#16464662
342 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55856) - you deserved it (4275)

On 06/02/2011 at 5:45am - health - by meyo555 - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I learned the hard way that an ice cube is capable of ripping the skin off your bottom lip. FML

#16173128
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22674) - you deserved it (12662)

On 05/14/2011 at 3:06pm - health - by bloodyLIP - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was brushing my teeth. As a bent down to spit my mouthful of toothpaste into the sink, my cat decided it would be a good time to stick his head right where I was spitting. I spit a huge glob of toothpaste on his head. He then shook it off all over me and the walls. FML

#16157104
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26627) - you deserved it (8057)

On 05/13/2011 at 11:41am - animals - by toothpastecat (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I woke up so pissed off that I yelled at my cereal. FML

#16128268
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33847) - you deserved it (14912)

On 05/11/2011 at 10:33am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I woke my husband up at 2am, screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally says, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four year old daughter with her blanket. FML

#15947062
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13444) - you deserved it (39732)

On 04/27/2011 at 9:35am - kids - by BadgerSpirit (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my husband and I had the grand opening to our new winery. We had a big sign out front saying "FREE GRAPES", to try and get more people interested. People kept giving us dirty looks when passing. We later realized there was something covering the "G". FML

#15903380
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34521) - you deserved it (9736)

On 04/24/2011 at 12:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I accidentally clamped my hair straightener down on my ear. Eleven hours later, it still feels like I have a burning, swollen fireball hanging off the side of my head. FML

#15681998
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27530) - you deserved it (11403)

On 04/07/2011 at 5:18pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was walking home through the slush and snow when a car drove by, soaking me with dirty water. Frustrated, I flipped him off. He then turned around and splashed me again. FML

#15637668
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39126) - you deserved it (21272)

On 04/04/2011 at 4:42pm - misc - by lynn777 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I discovered that the demonic voice that made me nearly piss myself all night, was my sister's Furby she stuck in the closet. FML

#15219004
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36866) - you deserved it (6556)

On 03/06/2011 at 2:38pm - misc - by Spooked (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, as I was about to go in the bathroom, a girl walked out, shaking water off her hands. Some of it landed on my face, and I just wiped it off. Then she said to her friend who was waiting for her, "The sink's broken. Can I use your hand sanitizer?" So what landed on my face? FML

#15205063
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39135) - you deserved it (2799)

On 03/05/2011 at 5:15am - misc - by anon (man) - United States (California)

Today, I told my boyfriend I was leaving him because he's cheating on me. He then told me he will die without me. When I said that I didn't care, he said 'OK. I'll kill myself!' and then held his breath in attempt to suffocate himself. I can't believe I dated this idiot. FML

#15161095
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50056) - you deserved it (14125)

On 03/01/2011 at 8:24am - intimacy - by WhyMe? -

Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML

#15154591
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13544) - you deserved it (35000)

On 02/28/2011 at 8:10pm - health - by stupiddrunk (man) - United Kingdom (London)



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