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Turn's favorite FMLs
by parenting sucks / 07/01/2011 at 1:42pm / United States (New York) / Kids
by Eve / 06/24/2011 at 6:45am / Ireland (Cork) / Intimacy
Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML
by notinthebutt / 06/14/2011 at 1:57pm / United States (Minnesota) / Money
by meyo555 / 06/02/2011 at 5:45am / United States (Nebraska) / Health
by bloodyLIP / 05/14/2011 at 3:06pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health
Today, I was brushing my teeth. As a bent down to spit my mouthful of toothpaste into the sink, my cat decided it would be a good time to stick his head right where I was spitting. I spit a huge glob of toothpaste on his head. He then shook it off all over me and the walls. FML
by toothpastecat / 05/13/2011 at 11:41am / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals
by Anonymous / 05/11/2011 at 10:33am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke my husband up at 2am, screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally says, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four year old daughter with her blanket. FML
by BadgerSpirit / 04/27/2011 at 9:35am / United States (Washington) / Kids
Today, my husband and I had the grand opening to our new winery. We had a big sign out front saying "FREE GRAPES", to try and get more people interested. People kept giving us dirty looks when passing. We later realized there was something covering the "G". FML
by Anonymous / 04/24/2011 at 12:10am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/07/2011 at 5:18pm / United States / Health
by lynn777 / 04/04/2011 at 4:42pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation
by Spooked / 03/06/2011 at 2:38pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, as I was about to go in the bathroom, a girl walked out, shaking water off her hands. Some of it landed on my face, and I just wiped it off. Then she said to her friend who was waiting for her, "The sink's broken. Can I use your hand sanitizer?" So what landed on my face? FML
by anon / 03/05/2011 at 5:15am / United States (California) / Health
Today, I told my boyfriend I was leaving him because he's cheating on me. He then told me he will die without me. When I said that I didn't care, he said 'OK. I'll kill myself!' and then held his breath in attempt to suffocate himself. I can't believe I dated this idiot. FML
by WhyMe? / 03/01/2011 at 8:24am / Intimacy
by stupiddrunk / 02/28/2011 at 8:10pm / United Kingdom (London) / Health
- Today, I’m a French teacher in Ukraine, and in class we were debating gun legislation. In order to… Today, I’m in Mexico for an internship. I was at a party when a drunk guy harangued me, calling me… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish…