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Visits<b>godlife704</b> - the 09/20/2014 at 1:13pm<b>CCzero</b> - the 08/16/2014 at 4:54am<b>isuckwithnames</b> - the 02/27/2014 at 9:13pm

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Turn's favorite FMLs

Today, while making my daily offering of turd to the porcelain throne, I took out my phone and started playing a game. I suddenly felt a tickling sensation on my leg, and I freaked out as I saw hundreds of ants had emerged from behind the toilet. FML

#19215354
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29339) - you deserved it (3866)

On 03/04/2012 at 5:20pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML

#19214836
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21547) - you deserved it (27193)

On 03/04/2012 at 3:46pm - misc - by Hannah (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my family started their own version of the Hunger Games. With farts as their ammo, they've been tackling and gassing everyone until their victim "dies" by surrendering. My house is a flatulent war zone, and I fear waking up blind. FML

#19109077
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24856) - you deserved it (2471)

On 02/18/2012 at 5:22pm - health - by district12 (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)

Today, I realized that I probably have anger issues. I came to this conclusion after I finished screaming abuse at the microwave for beeping before I could hit the off switch. FML

#19058382
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8270) - you deserved it (25034)

On 02/12/2012 at 4:50pm - misc - by fuck teh poleese (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my mom was freaking out about me handling a CD-ROM with my bare hands. When I asked her what all the commotion was about, she said she was worried that I would catch "one of those computer viruses" she'd heard about on the news. FML

#18974920
216 comments

Today, I got a Facebook message from the school genius/nerd, who I have never talked to. He politely informed me that after much thought and deliberation, he has narrowed it down to who his ideal mate is. Me. FML

#18819143
425 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29069) - you deserved it (6690)

On 01/15/2012 at 10:30pm - love - by geeklove - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML

#18815086
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26464) - you deserved it (4308)

On 01/15/2012 at 2:26pm - love - by soontobedumped (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while I was peacefully sleeping, I felt a hand suddenly slap my forehead. Then fingers began to press against my mouth, then nose, then eyes. I finally woke up to my girlfriend laughing hysterically. She'd confused me with her clock-radio. FML

#18814667
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26119) - you deserved it (3291) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/15/2012 at 1:14pm - love - by Vitriol (man) - France

Today, my dog started limping as we were walking home. I thought she'd hurt herself, so I picked her up and carried her home. Once we arrived, I put her down, at which point she ran around and played as if nothing had happened. I fell for my lazy dog's plan to get me to carry her home. FML

#18697253
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27728) - you deserved it (7634)

On 01/03/2012 at 2:44pm - animals - by vanessa560 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was out clubbing, when some bloke at the bar started trying to pick fights with everyone. Trying to defuse the situation with humour, I said, "I used to be a tough guy like you. Then I took an arrow in the knee." The next thing I know, I have a broken nose. FML

#18593025
324 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14574) - you deserved it (36888)

On 12/23/2011 at 9:49pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, I was woken up early in the morning by the sound of my mother frantically crying out for help. Apparently she had tried, unsuccessfully, to "end the suffering" of an injured squirrel by drowning it in the toilet. How? By placing it into the bowl and smothering it with clothes. My clothes. FML

#18570075
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28230) - you deserved it (2276)

On 12/21/2011 at 1:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML

#18439975
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15026) - you deserved it (39982)

On 12/05/2011 at 9:31pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after three days of getting stared at by my neighbour from the window, I realized that she wasn't alive anymore. FML

#18406735
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43250) - you deserved it (3242)

On 12/01/2011 at 9:02pm - health - by unknown52 - Netherlands (Overijssel)

Today, I was trying to get my boyfriend in the mood so I held his hands against the bed, and whispered, "Have you been a bad boy?" Thinking he'd say something kinky back, he replied "Yes Santa" then burst out laughing. FML

#18134142
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31251) - you deserved it (14667)

On 11/01/2011 at 10:36pm - intimacy - by HOe HOe HOe (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I was struggling to cycle up a steep hill. A guy heading past me on a scooter said I'd lost something. I stopped and looked back. Seeing nothing, I asked him what I lost. He replied, "Your momentum!" FML

#17985302
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30523) - you deserved it (5184) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/14/2011 at 9:53pm - misc - by adieuvelib - France



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