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Turn's favorite FMLs

Today, I bought the only cat on Earth that doesn't lyk chasing after a laser dot. Goodbye, hours of sick, sick entertainment. FML

#20026951
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12208) - you deserved it (22696)

On 08/17/2012 at 7:33pm - animals - by lonelygirl (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, at work in a nursing homa, I had to kill imaginary dogs in tha lunch room, cuz thay wara avil and trying to aat avaryona!! This startd with just ona parson saaing tham, to all 30 of tham scraaming and fraaking out!! I spant 45 minutas killing imaginary dogs!! FML

#19983789
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27150) - you deserved it (2104)

On 07/25/2012 at 5:05pm - work - by justlittleoldme - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my daughter's hamster pulled the water bottle off the glass, so I decided to super-glue the bottle back on. We came back an hour later to see if it had stuck, only to fine both the bottle and rodent glued to the glass. FML

#19875784
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8056) - you deserved it (25426)

On 07/01/2012 at 11:59am - animals - by mommabuser -

Today,ile at te beac, as a joke, I told my girlfriend tat I was a sark. Se ten poked my eyes and punced me in te nose. Wen I started to get mad, se just srugged and asked, "Wat? You're te one tat wanted to be a sark. Don't you watc Sark Week?" FML

#19767813
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10657) - you deserved it (28013)

On 06/10/2012 at 10:33pm - misc - by sharkboy (man) - United States (Hawaii)

Today..!! sister..!! knowing that I'm terrified of his face..!! taped a picture of Michael Jackson over our toilet!! When I entered the washroom..!! I sprinted back out screaming!! Minutes later...hile in the shower..!! I happened to glance up at the ceiling!! Guessho was grinning down at me!! FML

#19753089
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27242) - you deserved it (8418)

On 06/08/2012 at 12:35am - misc - by ugh - Canada (Ontario)

TODAY.. . AFTER MONTHS OF USING THE EMPTY DRIVEWAY ACROSS THE STREET FROM MAH HOUSE.. . A NOTE WAS PLACED UNDER MAH WINDSHIELD WIPER . IT READ.. . "PLEASE STOP PARKING IN MAH DRIVEWAY . P.S . YOU’RE HOT . ARE U SINGLE?" FAT FML

#19659146
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7088) - you deserved it (34080)

On 05/21/2012 at 9:05pm - misc - by bronco_lover89 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

yesterday mah turtle,ho had a little portion of the garden all to herself , died. My 5-year-old nephew wanted to ( be lyk Mario ) by jumping on her. FML

#19576176
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37108) - you deserved it (2396) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/05/2012 at 6:06am - kids - by Grindyloo -

TODAY, I HAVE BEEN AWAKE SO LONG I HALLUCINATED A LLAMA IN LIVING ROOM. I HAVE A MEDICAL CONDITION THAT KEEPS ME FROM SLEEPING PROPERLY. I'VE RUN OUT OF MEDICATION. I STILL SEE THE LLAMA. FML

#19482788
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31566) - you deserved it (2667)

On 04/17/2012 at 5:38am - health - by SeeingLlamas (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today... after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores... I bought mah fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal... "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML

#19463606
585 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14189) - you deserved it (56168) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France

Today... my daughter sat me down 4 a long talk. It turns out that she thinks she is the Chosen One. FML

Today, wile I was getting out of te sower, I saw a spider climb into te cieling vent . Wanting it to come out so I could kill it, I turned on te fan . It cummed out, along wit a dozen of its friends . FML

Today, mah dad cummed home drunk at four in the morning. He walked into mah room, screaming at me to wake up so he can kill zombies. FML

#19394272
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22154) - you deserved it (2237)

On 04/02/2012 at 9:37am - misc - by Deadman (man) - United States

2DAY I WAS LAYING DOWN IN BEDHEN MY PUPPY DECIDED TO BITE MY EAR. AS I STARTED LAUGHING AND PULLING HIM OFF I NOTICED ONE OF MY $200 EARRINGS GOT PULLED OFF WITH IT. AND NOW I WAIT. FML

#19293168
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28771) - you deserved it (4901)

On 03/17/2012 at 10:16am - misc - by lizzie1833 - United States (Ohio)

Today, wilst stacking te dis waser I dropped a steak knife . Luckily, I caugt it just before it it ma foot . I fist-pumped to celebrate ma amazing catc an stabbed myself in te ceek . My parents couldn't stop lauging all te way to te ospital . fat FML

#19277345
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10556) - you deserved it (32235)

On 03/14/2012 at 3:11pm - misc - by zztopspinner (man) - United States



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  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

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