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Today, while at the beach, as a joke, I told my girlfriend that I was a shark. She then poked my eyes and punched me in the nose. When I started to get mad, she just shrugged and asked, "What? You're the one that wanted to be a shark. Don't you watch Shark Week?" FML

#19767813
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9089) - you deserved it (25159)

On 06/10/2012 at 10:33pm - misc - by sharkboy (man) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my sister, knowing that I'm terrified of his face, taped a picture of Michael Jackson over our toilet. When I entered the washroom, I sprinted back out screaming. Minutes later, while in the shower, I happened to glance up at the ceiling. Guess who was grinning down at me. FML

#19753089
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23220) - you deserved it (7774)

On 06/08/2012 at 12:35am - misc - by ugh - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after months of using the empty driveway across the street from my house, a note was placed under my windshield wiper. It read, "Please stop parking in my driveway. P.S. You’re hot. Are you single?" FML

#19659146
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6411) - you deserved it (31945)

On 05/21/2012 at 9:05pm - misc - by bronco_lover89 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my turtle, who had a little portion of the garden all to herself, died. My 5-year-old nephew wanted to "be like Mario" by jumping on her. FML

#19576176
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32586) - you deserved it (2058) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/05/2012 at 6:06am - kids - by Grindyloo -

Today, I have been awake so long I hallucinated a llama in my living room. I have a medical condition that keeps me from sleeping properly. I've run out of medication. I still see the llama. FML

#19482788
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27256) - you deserved it (2370)

On 04/17/2012 at 5:38am - health - by SeeingLlamas (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML

#19463606
582 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11630) - you deserved it (51478) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France

Today, my daughter sat me down for a long talk. It turns out that she thinks she is the Chosen One. FML

Today, while I was getting out of the shower, I saw a spider climb into the ceiling vent. Wanting it to come out so I could kill it, I turned on the fan. It came out, along with a dozen of its friends. FML

Today, my dad came home drunk at four in the morning. He walked into my room, screaming at me to wake up so he can kill zombies. FML

#19394272
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19210) - you deserved it (1983)

On 04/02/2012 at 9:37am - misc - by Deadman (man) - United States

Today, I was laying down in bed when my puppy decided to bite my ear. As I started laughing and pulling him off I noticed one of my $200 earrings got pulled off with it. And now I wait. FML

#19293168
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25984) - you deserved it (4532)

On 03/17/2012 at 10:16am - misc - by lizzie1833 - United States (Ohio)

Today, whilst stacking the dish washer I dropped a steak knife. Luckily, I caught it just before it hit my foot. I fist-pumped to celebrate my amazing catch and stabbed myself in the cheek. My parents couldn't stop laughing all the way to the hospital. FML

#19277345
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9163) - you deserved it (28745)

On 03/14/2012 at 3:11pm - misc - by zztopspinner (man) - United States

Today, I dropped a knife while cooking. Luckily it missed my foot, but only because it hit my knee. FML

#19254143
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18528) - you deserved it (3551)

On 03/10/2012 at 10:06pm - health - by jmac (man) - United States (California)

Today, while making my daily offering of turd to the porcelain throne, I took out my phone and started playing a game. I suddenly felt a tickling sensation on my leg, and I freaked out as I saw hundreds of ants had emerged from behind the toilet. FML

#19215354
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27178) - you deserved it (3629)

On 03/04/2012 at 5:20pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML

#19214836
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17093) - you deserved it (18487)

On 03/04/2012 at 3:46pm - misc - by Hannah (woman) - United States (Oregon)



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