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Turn's favorite FMLs
Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML
by Z / 11/26/2012 at 5:26am / Australia / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/24/2012 at 8:59am / United States / Kids
Today, I saw my cat playing with one of his many toy mice. Knowing he likes to play fetch, I picked it up and threw it across the room. Upon trying to pick it up a second time, I realized that not only was it not a toy, but it was only half-dead. FML
by Anonymous / 11/23/2012 at 1:17am / United States (California) / Animals
by DocFUCKINGHATESSTUPIDPEOPLE / 11/22/2012 at 4:03pm / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, I tried to motivate my 9-year-old sister to clean her room. She said she'd only agree if she could kill me. Thinking she was just kidding around, and not a total psychopath, I said sure. She ran to her room shouting, "Yes! I'm gonna use the big knife!" She's still cleaning now. FML
by anon / 11/21/2012 at 2:34pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Kids
Today, I had to forcibly separate a boy from my daughter after he grabbed her and started shoving her around. I complained to his mother, only to have her shout, "mind your fucking business" and say that her son can do whatever the hell he wants. FML
by WELL FUCK YOU KINDLY, MA'AM / 11/18/2012 at 4:22pm / United States (New York) / Kids
by Anonymous / 11/15/2012 at 9:54am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to see a movie with three of my friends, and I was sharing popcorn with one of them. Halfway through the movie, my friend asked me why I wasn't eating our popcorn. I then realised I'd been taking popcorn from the man sitting next to me. FML
by mm / 11/12/2012 at 12:27pm / United Kingdom (Warrington) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I came back home in tears, and eventually told my dad what was wrong. He immediately excused himself to the living room, where I heard him tell my mum, "She's gone all Taylor Swift again." FML
by notalovestory / 11/11/2012 at 5:48pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Love
Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML
by Targeted / 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was playing with my cat. I tried to put him on my stomach, but he refused to stay put. Ever since I lost weight, he won't lay with me or purr. I think my fat was the only thing he liked about me. FML
by creedonfied / 11/06/2012 at 3:27pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals
Today, after being a germaphobe for almost ten years and refusing to go out to restaurants because of it, I finally had the courage to face my fear, and went to dinner with my family. After three bites into my salad, I found a dead bug in it. FML
by Anonymous / 11/06/2012 at 1:34pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I told my dad and brother that I want to take Zumba classes. My brother said, "Did you hear that? Pumbaa wants to Zumba!" Then he starting dancing and making pig noises. My dad high-fived him. When my mom heard, she high-fived him too. FML
by hakuna matata / 10/31/2012 at 6:06am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by SFra / 10/23/2012 at 9:19pm / United States / Love
by jesushelpme / 10/22/2012 at 3:08pm / United States (Missouri) / Love