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Today, I was swimming in the fast lane at the pool. A guy in blue trunks was swimming slowly and really getting on everyone's nerves. I took a break, and looking around I couldn't see him. I turned to the guy next to me and said, "Finally, Mr. Blue Trunks has f**ked off." It was Mr. Blue Trunks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4632) - you deserved it (24138)
On 02/22/2010 at 10:35am - health - by AngelAshley (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)
Today, I woke up thinking after wearing glasses and contacts all my life that I had miraculously been corrected to 20/20. Turns out I had just fallen asleep with my contacts in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6929) - you deserved it (20281)
On 02/15/2010 at 2:44am - health - by kiriakousauce21 - Sent from mobile version
Today, my mom and I went to the mall to look for some boxer briefs. While looking, I saw two girls I knew from school, so I went over to say hello. At least, that was my plan, but my mom screamed, "Look! These have dinosaurs on them!" They left the store giggling. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20143) - you deserved it (4363)
On 02/06/2010 at 3:01pm - misc - by dinosaurboy (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I'm in the hospital because I sliced my leg open. Why? I jumped off my bed and scratched myself on the metal bed frame when Miss America was crowned to Miss Virginia. I'm 20 years old, and a man. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5222) - you deserved it (21063)
On 01/31/2010 at 1:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I had one more gift to buy: a copy of Fight Club. I asked a person working at Best Buy if they had any in stock. The man wouldn't sell me the last copy because I had broken the first two rules. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20910) - you deserved it (9433)
On 12/24/2009 at 3:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I went to the grocery store where this really hot guy works. I swiped my card but the machine wouldn't read it so I swiped it quickly ten times before getting frustrated and saying "your stupid machine doesn't work!" He took the card and turned it around. His face said it all. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3584) - you deserved it (28283)
On 12/13/2009 at 8:27pm - misc - by MissSmarts (woman) - United States (California)
Today, it's Saturday night. While all my friends go out to have fun, I get excited thinking about getting to sleep with a new pillow. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18399) - you deserved it (4789)
On 12/13/2009 at 2:14am - misc - by soy_un_perderdor (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I found out why two of my friends race downstairs to each other to the cafeteria everyday at lunch; apparently there's only one free seat at the table with the rest of their friends, and the loser has to eat lunch with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26009) - you deserved it (1951)
On 12/12/2009 at 6:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, my grandpa was wearing flip flops and white socks. He entered my restroom, and the moment he did it, I realized there was no toilet paper left. I felt too ashamed to interrupt his dump, so I waited for him to ask for paper, he never did and came out without socks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22261) - you deserved it (3567)
On 12/10/2009 at 4:03pm - misc - by dayum (man) - Mexico (Chihuahua)
Today, my daughter's school called to inform me that I needed to bring her some sneakers. Not feeling like driving the 15 minutes to her school, I told them I was away from town. Then I realized I was on my house phone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3421) - you deserved it (47873)
On 12/10/2009 at 9:34am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was sitting on the couch with my 5 year old on my lap. All of a sudden, she turned to me and said, "Daddy, I love your boobies. They're a good pillow." My own kid just called me fat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18552) - you deserved it (12428)
On 12/06/2009 at 3:28pm - kids - by Bill (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I found out that the plant in my kitchen that I have been watering for almost 2 years is fake. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7260) - you deserved it (36874)
On 11/25/2009 at 9:41pm - misc - by IlikeGreenPlants (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was outside, peeing on a cactus. Then all of a sudden my dog jumped on my back, knocking me into the cactus. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8971) - you deserved it (36867)
On 11/24/2009 at 12:11pm - animals - by yomamma787 - United States (New Mexico)
Today, I found out that my dad hides his Viagra from my mom by keeping it in an Aspirin container. Now I have a terrible headache and a boner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26894) - you deserved it (3067)
On 11/23/2009 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by sickkid (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was watching Pokémon with my daughter when she told me that I reminded her of her favorite Pokémon. Feeling good about it, I asked which one. She pointed to the screen and said "Snorlax!" The fat and lazy one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22946) - you deserved it (5711)
On 11/15/2009 at 8:45am - kids - by dessaye (woman) - Singapore
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