About Tristyxxx : Married January 2nd 2013 !!!!!
Tristyxxx's FML badges
A new Thumb
You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.
Keen reader – Level: godlike ninja
You have voted for 100% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
The rules are the rules
Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by our moderating team.
Tristyxxx's favorite FMLs
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to give his mother a box of chocolates and flowers for Mother's Day. She just stared at them and said, "What's this for? You're not my daughter, and never will be. But I'll keep the chocolate." FML
by Anonymous / 05/09/2011 at 12:37am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/22/2011 at 10:59am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/24/2011 at 6:03pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a call from my daughter’s teacher asking me to come pick her up. My daughter wouldn’t tell her what was wrong. I left an important work meeting. When I got there she stated her boyfriend broke up with her and she couldn't emotionally make it through the rest of the day. She's 5. FML
by mom21 / 02/08/2011 at 12:46pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
Today, I got my wisdom teeth cut out. While my girlfriend was driving me home, I, still being high on the laughing gas, accidentally admitted to cheating on her. She was kind enough to wait until the numbness wore off before she punched me in the face. FML
by peeoncarl1111 / 01/28/2011 at 8:06pm / United States / Love
Today, I went to get a tattoo. I decided on getting my four month daughter's name tattooed on my upper arm. I went home to show my wife. She broke down and told me that I'm most likely not the father. It's a toss-up between her co-worker, the guy who does our lawn, several strangers and me. FML
by Anonymous / 01/16/2011 at 9:43pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I acted like I always do when I'm alone in my seemingly sound-proof apartment. I sang loudly, talked back to the TV, used my vibrator. Later, in the silence of the night, I heard my neighbor next door YAWNING. FML
by Anonymous / 01/14/2011 at 4:26am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I found a note in my boyfriend's car from another girl telling him she hoped he liked the flowers. These were the same flowers he gave me while I was in the hospital, just after having his kid. FML
by Anonymous / 12/31/2010 at 2:43am / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, my boyfriend and I were playing around. He threw me over his shoulder and turned around, smacking my face against the wall. Then he smacked my head into the fridge after turning round to see "what that loud bang" was. FML
by anonymous / 12/18/2010 at 4:11am / United States (South Carolina) / Love
Today, I asked my boyfriend what he would do if I were to get pregnant. Expecting him to give me a cute and supportive answer, he replied, "We'd be finding you a nice flight of stairs to accidentally fall down." FML
by vikinggirl / 09/13/2010 at 5:14am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love
by reckless / 07/17/2010 at 3:34pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML
by thetalkingvagina / 06/09/2010 at 7:34am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
Today, after puking all over the bathroom and my legs, I called my husband for sympathy. The first thing he says is "Did you cry?" and when I answered no, instead of wishing me better he quickly exclaimed "WHO'S MY BIG GIRL!" FML
by gotitEVERYWHERE / 03/08/2010 at 5:40pm / United States (Georgia) / Health
- Today, I had a sex dream. I woke up, sleepily got myself off and fell right asleep. it wasn't until… Today, locked out of my house for hours, I had to shit so badly that I found myself squatting under… Today, I found out at the ripe age of 24, I may never have children due to what my doctor said were…