Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (the 10/16/2014 at 3:02pm) | Search for a member
This member hasn't filled in the description.
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Today, I tried to get my boyfriend to roll over while he was asleep. He snores loud enough to wake the neighbors and if he lays on his side he usually stops. Instead of rolling over, he stuck his leg in the air, farted twice, and laughed about it in his sleep. He's still snoring. FML
Today, I thought I felt something itch my butt as I sat down on the toilet. Sure it was just my imagination, I did my business. When I was done I saw there were 4 cockroaches crawling under the seat. FML
Today, a kid got his hand stuck inside my store's giant gumball machine. He started crying, and his negligent train-wreck of a mom bitched me out for being "unobservant." I'd been mopping up the mess she'd made after she spilled an open can of beer all over the floor. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML
Today, I met a hot guy at the bar and we hit it off instantly. After a few drinks, he called a cab for us. When it arrived, I seducingly asked, "My place or yours?" He responds, "Both. I'll go to mine and you go to yours" and walked away. The cab driver laughed the whole way home. FML
Today, after 3 hours in a cramped car with my family, we stopped at a gas station. I got out of the car and the first words out of my mouth were, "It feels so good to be able to walk!" That's when I noticed the elderly man sitting in a wheelchair only a few meters away. FML
Friday 24 October 2014