About Toxic_John : I love sk8tin
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, my fiancé's parents visited. I keep chickens for their eggs, and his parents own a farm, so we had a connection. They told us to leave the house while they cooked us dinner. When we returned, we faced two steaming plates of chicken. My chickens. They had names. FML
I agree, your life sucks (176616) - you deserved it (19142)
On 04/10/2009 at 1:11am - animals - by lanbon182 - United States (California)
Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching, so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel; it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. Twice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (66176) - you deserved it (179709)
On 04/07/2009 at 8:11pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was in a store using the only bathroom there. After I was done, I realized I couldn't open the door. Panicked it locked me in, I banged on the door, and screamed for help. The security and a whole group of people gathered, only to find that I was pulling the door instead of pushing it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12088) - you deserved it (67942)
On 04/07/2009 at 11:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Japan
Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (46778) - you deserved it (127899)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
Today, I saw a very attractive female police officer while at the DMV. Thinking myself suave, I asked her: "Is it sexual harassment if I tell you how beautiful I think you are, and ask for your phone number?" Apparently it was. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22392) - you deserved it (62958)
On 04/03/2009 at 6:05pm - misc - by ShamedJP (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I had an elaborate plan to ask this girl to Prom, and it was going to take a few minutes to set up. I asked my friend to distract her. He decided to distract her by asking her to Prom. She said "Yes". FML
I agree, your life sucks (197035) - you deserved it (29145)
On 03/24/2009 at 11:41am - love - by Kaeyne (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my mom suspected me of doing marijuana. She went and bought a home-drug test and sent me to the bathroom. As I went in, I realized there was already pee in the toilet. I scooped that instead of my own and handed it to my mom. It came up positive. My sister used the bathroom last. She's 12. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26044) - you deserved it (57141)
On 03/24/2009 at 12:19am - health - by smokythebear (man) - United States
Today, my 11 year old brother walked in on me sitting on my boyfriend's ass and giving him a back massage. He tilted his head a little and then said "Aren't you guys doing it wrong? Isn't he supposed to be on top?" My boyfriend laughed and gave him a high-five. FML
I agree, your life sucks (83340) - you deserved it (23675)
On 03/23/2009 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by SLA (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I decided to play a joke on my boyfriend and planned to pretend that I found a thong in his gym bag. When he came home, I "confronted" him. After struggling through putting on my best face, he, unexpectedly confessed: "Look, babe, I'm sorry. It meant nothing." FML
I agree, your life sucks (45076) - you deserved it (70158)
On 03/23/2009 at 4:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was taking the bus home from work. As I was getting off an old man whistled at me, I told him to go to hell and got off the bus. When the bus drove away the old man stood in the back of the bus, holding up the wallet I left that he was trying to give to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9966) - you deserved it (92207)
On 03/23/2009 at 11:46am - misc - by lily (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I went to Hot Topic to look for a poster of my friend's favorite band for her birthday. I found the perfect one, and I grabbed one from the bottom of the shelf that was rolled up into a long box. When she opened it at the restaurant, it was a picture of two naked girls touching each other. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22354) - you deserved it (46903)
On 03/22/2009 at 10:45am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)
Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It was the afternoon, and things started to heat up. We were having sex, and I was about to finish. Then I looked through the window, to see a construction worker (who was fixing the house next to mine) giving me a thumbs up. He's her dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (137280) - you deserved it (20764)
On 03/22/2009 at 9:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Malta
Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML
I agree, your life sucks (189354) - you deserved it (21120)
On 03/22/2009 at 6:38am - intimacy - by konens_dick (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I slept over at my friend's house but forgot my glasses. When I woke up in the morning, I came out of his room and forcefully kicked what I thought was a soccer ball on the floor. Turns out it was his miniature poodle - it fell down a long flight of stairs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23264) - you deserved it (81337)
On 03/19/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by JohnMackSquirts (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was talking to this hot girl I have dinner with every week. Lately she’s always telling me how she loves me and I do the same. Today she said: “The way we talk and act around each other, people would think we were dating.” My answer was: "Aren't we?". FML
I agree, your life sucks (70332) - you deserved it (11257)
On 03/16/2009 at 1:08am - misc - by Nick (man) - Canada (Quebec)
Monday 20 May 2013
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