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Toxic_John

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Toxic_John
  • Town/Country : California, U.S.A
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Sunday 16 October 1994 (17 years)
  • Number of visits : 5048
  • Number of comments : 30
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

About Toxic_John : I love sk8tin

Toxic_John's last visitors

so_meISandraxkilroyx

Toxic_John's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Toxic_John's favorite FMLs

Today, my fiancé's parents visited. I keep chickens for their eggs, and his parents own a farm, so we had a connection. They told us to leave the house while they cooked us dinner. When we returned, we faced two steaming plates of chicken. My chickens. They had names. FML

#896114 (396)

I agree, your life sucks (149324) - you deserved it (16600)

On 04/10/2009 at 1:11am - animals - by lanbon182 - United States (California)

Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. TWICE. FML

#859604 (176)

I agree, your life sucks (54949) - you deserved it (134433)

On 04/07/2009 at 8:11pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was in a store using the only bathroom there. After I was done, I realized I couldn't open the door. Panicked it locked me in, I banged on the door, and screamed for help. The security and a whole group of people gathered, only to find that I was pulling the door instead of pushing it. FML

#851826 (134)

I agree, your life sucks (11380) - you deserved it (65831)

On 04/07/2009 at 11:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Japan

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML

#837103 (577)

I agree, your life sucks (40696) - you deserved it (114314)

On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)

Today, I saw a very attractive female police officer while at the DMV. Thinking myself suave, I asked her: "Is it sexual harassment if I tell you how beautiful I think you are, and ask for your phone number?" Apparently it was. FML

#786603 (356)

I agree, your life sucks (21100) - you deserved it (60241)

On 04/03/2009 at 6:05pm - misc - by ShamedJP (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had an elaborate plan to ask this girl to Prom, and it was going to take a few minutes to set up. I asked my friend to distract her. He decided to distract her by asking her to Prom. She said "Yes". FML

#574471 (249)

I agree, your life sucks (159926) - you deserved it (24630)

On 03/24/2009 at 11:41am - love - by Kaeyne (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my girl handcuffed me to the bed. I willingly let her thinking we were about to have some fun. She then took my phone and read a sent message; 'Wanna hook up?' to my ex. She left me cuffed and blindfolded, and painted my nails before she left. The sent message was from before I met her. FML

#572343 (247)

I agree, your life sucks (60404) - you deserved it (41775)

On 03/24/2009 at 4:46am - intimacy - by littleman (man) - Hong Kong

Today, my mom suspected me of doing marijuana. She went and bought a home-drug test and sent me to the bathroom. As I went in, I realized there was already pee in the toilet. I scooped that instead of my own and handed it to my mom. It came up positive. My sister used the bathroom last. She's 12. FML

#569324 (215)

I agree, your life sucks (24757) - you deserved it (54924)

On 03/24/2009 at 12:19am - health - by smokythebear (man) - United States

Today, my 11 year old brother walked in on me sitting on my boyfriend's ass and giving him a back massage. He tilted his head a little and then said "Aren't you guys doing it wrong? Isn't he supposed to be on top?" My boyfriend laughed and gave him a high-five. FML

#560138 (281)

I agree, your life sucks (78260) - you deserved it (22325)

On 03/23/2009 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by SLA (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I decided to play a joke on my boyfriend and planned to pretend that I found a thong in his gym bag. When he came home, I "confronted" him. After struggling through putting on my best face, he, unexpectedly confessed: "Look, babe, I'm sorry. It meant nothing." FML

#556029 (253)

I agree, your life sucks (41883) - you deserved it (66220)

On 03/23/2009 at 4:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was taking the bus home from work. As I was getting off an old man whistled at me, I told him to go to hell and got off the bus. When the bus drove away the old man stood in the back of the bus, holding up the wallet I left that he was trying to give to me. FML

#551399 (139)

I agree, your life sucks (9296) - you deserved it (86345)

On 03/23/2009 at 11:46am - misc - by lily (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to Hot Topic to look for a poster of my friend's favorite band for her birthday. I found the perfect one, and I grabbed one from the bottom of the shelf that was rolled up into a long box. When she opened it at the restaurant, it was a picture of two naked girls touching each other. FML

#528307 (163)

I agree, your life sucks (21206) - you deserved it (45386)

On 03/22/2009 at 10:45am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It was the afternoon, and things started to heat up. We were having sex, and I was about to finish. Then I looked through the window, to see a construction worker (who was fixing the house next to mine) giving me a thumbs up. He's her dad. FML

#527563 (350)

I agree, your life sucks (120085) - you deserved it (18810)

On 03/22/2009 at 9:04am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Malta

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

#527227 (490)

I agree, your life sucks (154493) - you deserved it (18168)

On 03/22/2009 at 6:38am - intimacy - by konens_dick (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I slept over at my friend's house but forgot my glasses. When I woke up in the morning, I came out of his room and forcefully kicked what I thought was a soccer ball on the floor. Turns out it was his miniature poodle - it fell down a long flight of stairs. FML

#459087 (289)

I agree, your life sucks (20720) - you deserved it (75021)

On 03/19/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by JohnMackSquirts (man) - United States (California)