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Toucan_Sam

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Toucan_Sam

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 21 May 1990 (24 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1786
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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Toucan_Sam's page activity

Visits<b>dovehrc56</b> - the 08/25/2009 at 4:28pm<b>blargity</b> - the 08/25/2009 at 12:12am<b>dnttrustpancak3</b> - the 06/08/2009 at 8:25pm<b>Envy3</b> - the 06/06/2009 at 2:23am<b>thisishilarious</b> - the 06/01/2009 at 2:34pm<b>ShelbyG</b> - the 05/31/2009 at 3:30am<b>DarkMirror</b> - the 05/30/2009 at 10:25pm

Toucan_Sam's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Toucan_Sam's favorite FMLs

Today, my parents hosted a party at our house. After seeing one of the extremely beautiful guests, I went to masturbate in my room. When I was about to finish, my bedroom door opened suddenly. It was my mom showing around 10 party guests that our dog can open doors. FML

#1791192
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23394) - you deserved it (79155)

On 05/09/2009 at 9:04pm - intimacy - by Jeremy (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had a massive argument with my boyfriend in which he called me stupid repeatedly. I stomped out of his house and sent a very angry text to my best friend about him. She didn't text back. Then my boyfriend texted. 'My girlfriend is so stupid she can't even text the right number.' FML

#1775796
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17379) - you deserved it (70638)

On 05/09/2009 at 11:48am - love - by rawkdinosawr (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I overheard my mother and sister talking so I stopped to eavesdrop. I recently enlisted in the Marines, and they were talking about what they would do with the money if I died. FML

#1656841
314 comments

I agree, your life sucks (164337) - you deserved it (12289)

On 05/05/2009 at 8:22am - money - by Fitz (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I saw my neighbor's son mowing their lawn when suddenly he started to do this crazy dance. Chuckling at his antics I waved and walked back into my house. His mom called me from a hospital later to ask if I could put the mower away; he had been attacked by bees. FML

#1643455
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18651) - you deserved it (42718)

On 05/04/2009 at 8:46pm - kids - by Jon (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I went downtown to pay my speeding ticket. After standing in line and arguing with a rude woman behind the desk, I get back to my car only to find an expired meter and a parking ticket. I got a ticket while paying my ticket. FML

#1634783
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46610) - you deserved it (15912)

On 05/04/2009 at 5:50pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML

#1631197
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25723) - you deserved it (69784)

On 05/04/2009 at 4:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I sent everyone a text on my phone book saying, "Happy Star Wars Day!!! May the Fourth be with you!!" I forgot to uncheck my exgirlfriend's number. She texted back, "one of the many reasons I broke up with you." FML

#1628197
358 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25393) - you deserved it (67130)

On 05/04/2009 at 3:04pm - misc - by 1suckatL1fe - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was driving down the road at about 10pm, when the passenger in the car in front of me threw something out the window. The object flew towards and landed directly on my windshield. It was a condom. A used condom. It wasn't tied. Semen spreads out quite a bit when you're driving fast. FML

#1600602
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (123690) - you deserved it (6663)

On 05/03/2009 at 5:17pm - misc - by Aether (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside my door, because I didn't have my glasses on. After intensely staring at the dark figure for about a minute, thinking it was my imagination, my stepdad said, "you know, I am looking RIGHT at you," FML

#1592701
320 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22960) - you deserved it (82057)

On 05/03/2009 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by danggit3290 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML

#503348
870 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58510) - you deserved it (620692)

On 03/21/2009 at 12:46am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very christian family I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" and walked out of the room. FML

#283028
287 comments

I agree, your life sucks (259760) - you deserved it (47637)

On 03/12/2009 at 1:53pm - intimacy - by sucks - United States



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