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Toucan_Sam

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Toucan_Sam
  • Town/Country : Somerville, MA, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 21 May 1990 (23 years)
  • Number of visits : 1600
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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Toucan_Sam's favorite FMLs

Today, not wanting to be known as a lightweight anymore, I started drinking with some guy friends. After one beer I ended up in bed with one of them who kindly put my bra back on for me after, as I was too sloshed. I'm no longer known as lightweight, but instead, the slutty drunk. FML

#1869904
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10046) - you deserved it (73726)

On 05/12/2009 at 10:23am - misc - by Permafucked (woman) - United States (South Dakota)

Today, a friend and I went to Gamestop to pick up a game he wanted. I ended up buying a 17+ game, and I was prepared to show my license, but he stopped me an said, "I know you're 18". He then said, "Man, I've pretty much watched you grow up in this store." A game salesman watched me grow up. FML

Today, I was walking with my girlfriend when she began skipping ahead of me and out in to the street. I saw a car coming right at her so I tackled her to the ground to save her. Turns out the car was stopping and was never going to hit her, and my girlfriend doesn't appreciate concussions. FML

#1866798
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40365) - you deserved it (9031)

On 05/12/2009 at 3:49am - misc - by Biggie (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I had a really important job interview, and as i was about to leave for it my mom told me to remember to make eye contact. As I was walking in, it was the only thing I could think about, so looking directly at him my foot hits a lip in the floor and my head slams into his desk. FML

#1865154
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40522) - you deserved it (6739)

On 05/12/2009 at 1:48am - work - by pdnne (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I decided I didn't care about my pride, and so I asked this girl out in a text. After an hour of no response I asked again. Later I got a text saying, "I'm sorry, This is Emily's mom. Emily isn't here at the moment, but if I were you, I wouldn't ask again." I was rejected by her mom. FML

#1858879
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47911) - you deserved it (14881)

On 05/11/2009 at 9:25pm - love - by ConnorFails (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. Due to the drugs they gave me I felt nauseous. When I went to the bathroom as a precaution I did not throw up. Instead I passed out face first in the toilet. FML

#1847078
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40833) - you deserved it (2524)

On 05/11/2009 at 4:37pm - health - by anon (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, it's the five year anniversary of my father's death. I was cuddling with my boyfriend and crying about how much I missed him. He replied with, "Sometimes, I think you just like to hear yourself talk." FML

#1845741
314 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81779) - you deserved it (9611)

On 05/11/2009 at 3:46pm - misc - by bezoar10 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was pulling out of my driveway, and was being aware of the flowers I had just planted. I moved my head to look out my window as not to hit them, not realizing my window was up. I then hit my head break my nose and drive over the flowers. FML

#1845735
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18135) - you deserved it (35752)

On 05/11/2009 at 3:46pm - misc - by samantha246 - United States (New York)

Today, I went to the doctor. I had a spider bite that had been getting progressively larger for days. I had been putting Neosporin on underneath the bandage that was on it. The doctor saw my wound and laughed. He said the spider bite was no big deal, but that I was allergic to the Neosporin. FML

#1840722
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45962) - you deserved it (8728)

On 05/11/2009 at 11:14am - health - by Manatee (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had a hour long conversation with someone I apparently was friends with a few years ago. I couldn't remember who he was for the life of me, so I just played along. Finally, I told him I didn't remember him. He had the wrong number. I had a long conversation with a wrong number. FML

#1833844
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13423) - you deserved it (44961)

On 05/11/2009 at 12:46am - misc - by lostintellct (man) - United States (Idaho)

Today, I took my lunch break to buy my mom a pretty orchid. I took it to her apartment (to which I have a key), placed it on her coffee table with her card, and went back to work, pleased with my surprise. She called me later to ask why I got her a stick in a pot of dirt. Her cat ate the orchid. FML

Today, my mom told me to follow her car closely to my aunt's house. I kept really close to her which caused me to get pulled over for tailgating. I explained everything to the cop so he went over to my mom to see if that was the truth. My mom said she didn't know me. I got a ticket. Thanks mom. FML

#1828109
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65252) - you deserved it (3482)

On 05/10/2009 at 8:55pm - misc - by newdriver (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my friend had to take my cat who has a tumor to be put down when I wasn't home since I couldn't bare to take him myself. I have two cats. He took the wrong one. FML

#1815627
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (398040) - you deserved it (52933)

On 05/10/2009 at 3:01pm - animals - by catlady (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to the zoo with a guy I like, when we were there we saw a swarm of bees. I told him that if I got stung he would have to watch me because my dad is deathly allergic to bees and I have never been stung. Jokingly, he nudged me into the bush and said "let's see". We did. I'm allergic. FML

#1797084
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55905) - you deserved it (4928)

On 05/09/2009 at 11:38pm - health - by busybee (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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