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Toucan_Sam

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Toucan_Sam
  • Town/Country : Somerville, MA, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 21 May 1990 (23 years)
  • Number of visits : 1610
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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Toucan_Sam's favorite FMLs

Today, it's my birthday. I have gotten three calls all day. The first one was my fiancé, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancé for the past three months. The third was the dentist's office singing me a happy birthday. FML

#1930337
391 comments

I agree, your life sucks (333186) - you deserved it (16480)

On 05/14/2009 at 1:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, one of my three-year-old twin daughters asked, "Dad, can we get a cat?" I replied in a gentle dad voice, "No, honey, dad is allergic to cats. That means they make him sneeze and sniffle. So we can't get a cat. Sorry." After a slight pause, the other asked, "When you die can we get a cat?" FML

#1927832
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57359) - you deserved it (5316)

On 05/14/2009 at 11:24am - kids - by TwinDad (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I finally beat the song "Through the Fire and Flames" on Guitar Hero 3. I then realized that it was the biggest accomplishment I've ever made in my entire life. FML

#1909780
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46291) - you deserved it (33883)

On 05/13/2009 at 6:20pm - misc - by Nick (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I graduated from college and my parents gave me an apple. Not the computer, the fruit. FML

#1901911
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57334) - you deserved it (4502)

On 05/13/2009 at 1:39pm - misc - by anon (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I graduated from college and my parents gave me an apple. Not the computer, the fruit. FML

#1901911
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57334) - you deserved it (4502)

On 05/13/2009 at 1:39pm - misc - by anon (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I graduated from college and my parents gave me an apple. Not the computer, the fruit. FML

#1901911
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57334) - you deserved it (4502)

On 05/13/2009 at 1:39pm - misc - by anon (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I graduated from college and my parents gave me an apple. Not the computer, the fruit. FML

#1901911
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57334) - you deserved it (4502)

On 05/13/2009 at 1:39pm - misc - by anon (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I graduated from college and my parents gave me an apple. Not the computer, the fruit. FML

#1901911
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57334) - you deserved it (4502)

On 05/13/2009 at 1:39pm - misc - by anon (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my cell phone rang while I was still asleep. I picked it up, half asleep, only to find it was a wrong number from some guy. Three minutes later I receive a text message saying "Hey, you sound cute..." from the same number. I looked to see if he was local. I'm that desperate. FML

Today, the girl I like called me and said she liked me. After I told her I liked her too, she didn't say anything. Thinking the call was a joke, I started screaming at her and calling her a slut. Turns out it wasn't a joke, she had just hit mute on her phone by accident. FML

#1900118
321 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13941) - you deserved it (97842)

On 05/13/2009 at 11:35am - love - by your_mother - United States (New Jersey)

Today, it's my birthday. After a day out partying, I came home to find all my stuff smashed in the yard, even my 42" plasma TV. After asking my girlfriend what her problem was, she said a "slut" left a message on the machine stating how fun last night was. It turned out to be my mom. FML

#1893907
347 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79623) - you deserved it (4282)

On 05/13/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by chaos2007 - United States (Texas)

Today, I rode my bike to the store because I only had a few things to pick up. When I walked back out after five minutes, my bike was stolen. I had gone to the store to buy a new bike lock. FML

#1881750
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37946) - you deserved it (9044)

On 05/12/2009 at 7:11pm - misc - by getyourownbike (woman) - United States

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in a while and realized that I can lift way more with my left hand than with my right even though I am right handed. I also realized that I jack off with my left hand. FML

#1881658
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9868) - you deserved it (52215)

On 05/12/2009 at 7:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I learned that I have carpal tunnel syndrome. I got it from playing too much World of Warcraft. I got a disease in real life by living in a virtual world. FML

#1879175
369 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22794) - you deserved it (133753)

On 05/12/2009 at 6:05pm - health - by Loser (man) - United States (New York)



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