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Toucan_Sam

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Toucan_Sam

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 21 May 1990 (24 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1966
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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Toucan_Sam's page activity

Visits<b>dovehrc56</b> - the 08/25/2009 at 4:28pm<b>blargity</b> - the 08/25/2009 at 12:12am<b>dnttrustpancak3</b> - the 06/08/2009 at 8:25pm<b>Envy3</b> - the 06/06/2009 at 2:23am<b>thisishilarious</b> - the 06/01/2009 at 2:34pm<b>ShelbyG</b> - the 05/31/2009 at 3:30am<b>DarkMirror</b> - the 05/30/2009 at 10:25pm

Toucan_Sam's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Toucan_Sam's favorite FMLs

Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML

#2078869
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17333) - you deserved it (65855)

On 05/19/2009 at 1:06pm - animals - by jrocks (man) - United States (California)

Today, after the church service was over, my two year old granddaughter started to sing into the microphone. She said, "Here Nana, you sing". I picked up the microphone and sang " Jesus Loves Me". She took the microphone back and said, "No he doesn't." FML

#2076493
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59890) - you deserved it (8463)

On 05/19/2009 at 10:04am - kids - by nana (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, on the way to an exam I saw a car accident happen. I stopped, helped the woman who was injured and waited for the paramedics. I was too late at school, the teacher didn't buy my excuse and I failed the exam. It was an examination of my first aid skills. FML

#2074283
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70775) - you deserved it (3783)

On 05/19/2009 at 5:21am - misc - by Sam (man) - Belgium (Oost-Vlaanderen)

Today, after a long night of partying, I was hanging out with this girl I really like. I was feeling really hungover, so we were just sitting at the park. She confessed to me that she's liked me since the day she met me. Out of excitement and hungoverness, I threw up on her shoes. FML

#2071351
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44243) - you deserved it (19615)

On 05/19/2009 at 1:16am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, I waved at a cute guy when I was leaving Wendy's. I then ran into a curb, spilled my frosty, and hit my head on the steering wheel. I turned around and both the cute guy and his dad were in hysterics. FML

#2065016
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13852) - you deserved it (39555)

On 05/18/2009 at 10:07pm - misc - by lulabell (woman) - United States

Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML

#2059220
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71400) - you deserved it (3159)

On 05/18/2009 at 8:04pm - misc - by emoney (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, two of my cousins sat me down and said they wanted to give me an early Birthday present. With straight faces, they look at me and say: "we signed you up for eHarmony, and paid for 12 months." Not only do my cousins think I need help finding a boyfriend, but they think it take a year. FML

#2051394
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47441) - you deserved it (5201)

On 05/18/2009 at 4:43pm - love - by imnotTHATlonely (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, on the way to work, I pulled over at a postbox to post a letter. I walked up to the box with the letter in one hand, car key in the other. Guess which one I posted. FML

#2050004
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38255) - you deserved it (24593)

On 05/18/2009 at 2:38pm - misc - by Posty (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, at work, I decided to try and impress this girl walking behind me by holding the door open for her. As she was walking through, I inadvertently pulled the door too hard. It slammed against the wall and ricochet back, hitting her right in the face. FML

#2049243
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37856) - you deserved it (18004)

On 05/18/2009 at 1:25pm - misc - by poop (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears. I had a cut on my ear close to the piercing and she thought that I had mistaken the cut for the opening, and said (as we walked past a car full of men), "Well of course it hurts when you put it in the wrong hole!". FML

#2045344
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68198) - you deserved it (7716)

On 05/18/2009 at 8:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, I got really excited at work over a deal I was about to close. I got up and started performing a rather obscene hip thrust only to notice a client sitting in the glass meeting room. FML

#2044978
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9271) - you deserved it (48613)

On 05/18/2009 at 8:04am - work - by hipthrustdude (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I was at the water park with my boyfriend. We were getting on a two-person tube slide. As I went to sit in the front I noticed the lifeguard looking me up and down, what I assumed was him checking me out. I found out I was wrong when he said, "Heaviest in back." FML

#2040967
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48830) - you deserved it (9367)

On 05/18/2009 at 1:48am - health - by barbie (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was walking home from piano lessons when I see my dad on a bike so I shout after him. He turns his head around and then runs into a tree. It wasn't my dad. FML

#2028672
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19306) - you deserved it (32831)

On 05/17/2009 at 8:35pm - misc - by Richocet - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

#2026481
437 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33217) - you deserved it (144800)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was showing my new iPhone case to my friends, saying how it was scratchproof, shockproof, and waterproof. I demonstrated it by dropping it on the sidewalk from about 5 feet. It bounced onto the road. Apparently, its not truck-proof. FML

#2018927
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13571) - you deserved it (96330)

On 05/17/2009 at 3:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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