Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

TorturedXeno

Offline (the 11/05/2014 at 6:17am) | Search for a member

TorturedXeno

1Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 6709
  • Number of comments : 364
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 14 posted

About TorturedXeno : You merely adopted the doge. I was shaped by it, molded by it. I didn’t encounter a Cate until I was already a man.

TorturedXeno's page activity

Visits<b>Sansa</b> - the 11/18/2014 at 4:02pm<b>PinkPoshling111</b> - the 10/29/2014 at 6:04am<b>MikkiMarie</b> - the 10/24/2014 at 5:36am<b>redflamer</b> - the 10/18/2014 at 8:35pm<b>Gunnie</b> - the 10/18/2014 at 2:20pm<b>ethan043</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 12:03am<b>Sophia813</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 7:54pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 4:30pm<b>extremereviews</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 9:33am<b>WillowB47</b> - the 10/02/2014 at 6:12pm<b>tehaustiebear</b> - the 09/30/2014 at 12:21am<b>drayloon</b> - the 09/21/2014 at 1:02pm<b>Toodle_doo</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 10:45pm<b>Mindset</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 7:22am<b>totallybananas</b> - the 09/13/2014 at 1:22am<b>groovy579</b> - the 09/05/2014 at 7:07pm<b>capblack</b> - the 09/05/2014 at 4:57pm<b>muzy</b> - the 09/05/2014 at 4:49pm

Liked!<b>PinkPoshling111</b> - the 10/29/2014 at 11:04am

TorturedXeno's FML badges

The rules are the rules

Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by our moderating team.

Happy Ending

Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of TorturedXeno's badges

TorturedXeno's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Just as he was about to finish, he pulled out and came in his hand. He then flicked his hand towards my face and yelled, "Sha-ZAM!" FML

#20999459
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53281) - you deserved it (7932)

On 12/20/2013 at 6:36pm - intimacy - by zamwow (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my class was interrupted by flowers, balloons and chocolates. Then he sang to me a song he wrote himself. This was all for our one-year anniversary. It probably would have been the best day of my life... if I knew who he was. FML

#20997138
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44879) - you deserved it (3476)

On 12/18/2013 at 4:20pm - love - by romance sucks. (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my boss found out that my girlfriend dumped me. He asked if that meant she would no longer bring her delicious homemade cookies to the office. When I said yes, he fired me on the spot. FML

#20990683
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47948) - you deserved it (3053)

On 12/12/2013 at 10:08pm - work - by justin (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, a rumor was spread around that I was dating somebody. I confronted the person who everyone thought I was dating, and asked him about it. He also thought we were dating. FML

#20989946
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47173) - you deserved it (5536)

On 12/12/2013 at 6:27am - love - by Rumors - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I learned that just because you live on a different continent, it doesn't mean your mother won't come knocking when you are having sex. FML

#20989004
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53195) - you deserved it (4609)

On 12/11/2013 at 2:59pm - intimacy - by hi Mum - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my husband learned that if he asks me a question while I am dead asleep my answer will most likely be "Yes". Incidentally, I now have a new cat. FML

Today, I was gushing about my love for Disney princesses when someone told me I "definitely needed to calm down." By whom? A four-year-old girl. FML

Today, I pulled over a speeding driver. I admit that I'd been hoping for this moment since I joined the police force; the moment a lady put her cleavage on display to get out of a ticket. Sadly, this lady was a senior citizen, and her breasts looked like two semi-deflated balloons. FML

#20977282
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44298) - you deserved it (19870)

On 12/01/2013 at 6:07pm - work - by fuck my eyeballs (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was proud when I started a confrontation with my best friend's brother because he is a sexist pig who treats women like crap. Six hours later my pride was gone: I made him an after-sex sandwich. FML

#20975509
100 comments

Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML

#20974086
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40767) - you deserved it (41352)

On 11/28/2013 at 9:05pm - misc - by OuchImAMoron (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML

#20972170
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31050) - you deserved it (14733)

On 11/27/2013 at 3:44am - health - by MissYouPieceOfSkin (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was taking some clean bedsheets down from the top of the wardrobe. As I pulled the top sheet down, a cat jumped onto my face, claws and all, before falling to the floor and running away. Thing is, I don't own a cat and I have no idea where in the house it has hidden now. FML

#20972130
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41746) - you deserved it (2672)

On 11/27/2013 at 2:08am - animals - by Seriously_Scaredy_Cat - United States

Today, I logged onto Facebook to see one of my "friends" had used my account to post a coming-out story. It had comments on it such as "I knew it!" "Finally." and "That explains so much." FML

#20970954
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40398) - you deserved it (4457)

On 11/26/2013 at 12:21am - misc - by Thanks guys - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "our priorities aren't the same." Her priorities turned out to be getting into my coworker's pants. FML

#20969114
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40571) - you deserved it (2615)

On 11/24/2013 at 2:59pm - love - by bsulyingb (man) - United States



FML's blog

  • FML's Thanksgiving Special: TGS
  • As many of us know through popular culture, today is Thanksgiving in the US. Come on, we’ve all seen a TV show involving a Thanksgiving dinner or plans to do so that have gone awry due to one of the main…

Wednesday 26 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: