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TorturedXeno

Offline (the 07/15/2014 at 12:35am) | Search for a member

TorturedXeno

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4615
  • Number of comments : 362
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 13 posted

About TorturedXeno : You merely adopted the doge. I was shaped by it, molded by it. I didn’t encounter a Cate until I was already a man.

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Visits<b>redstone7693</b> - 4 hours ago<b>felixvdl</b> - yesterday at 2:08am<b>echosong</b> - yesterday at 2:45pm<b>KK3137</b> - yesterday at 10:35am<b>RockUntilYouDie</b> - yesterday at 6:19am<b>FMLifers</b> - yesterday at 3:26am<b>AlwaysWatching</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 3:54pm<b>Almost_Positive</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 3:04pm<b>leopardwilliam</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 11:43am<b>josh8215</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 2:50am<b>superhtm</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 9:48pm<b>Faithilicious123</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 3:43pm<b>mamoudi</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 11:38am<b>OhWhoCares</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 9:48am<b>Secret_Ninjaa</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 8:16am<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 7:33am<b>AHotCupOfCoffee</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 9:40pm<b>leonel23</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 3:27am

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Happy Ending

Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”

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TorturedXeno's favorite FMLs

Today, a rumor was spread around that I was dating somebody. I confronted the person who everyone thought I was dating, and asked him about it. He also thought we were dating. FML

#20989946
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44666) - you deserved it (4896)

On 12/12/2013 at 6:27am - love - by Rumors - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I learned that just because you live on a different continent, it doesn't mean your mother won't come knocking when you are having sex. FML

#20989004
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52216) - you deserved it (4511)

On 12/11/2013 at 2:59pm - intimacy - by hi Mum - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my husband learned that if he asks me a question while I am dead asleep my answer will most likely be "Yes". Incidentally, I now have a new cat. FML

Today, I was gushing about my love for Disney princesses when someone told me I "definitely needed to calm down." By whom? A four-year-old girl. FML

Today, I pulled over a speeding driver. I admit that I'd been hoping for this moment since I joined the police force; the moment a lady put her cleavage on display to get out of a ticket. Sadly, this lady was a senior citizen, and her breasts looked like two semi-deflated balloons. FML

#20977282
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43310) - you deserved it (19333)

On 12/01/2013 at 6:07pm - work - by fuck my eyeballs (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was proud when I started a confrontation with my best friend's brother because he is a sexist pig who treats women like crap. Six hours later my pride was gone: I made him an after-sex sandwich. FML

#20975509
100 comments

Today, I was cleaning a pocketknife when I noticed a spider on my leg. My first reaction was to stab it. FML

#20974086
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40561) - you deserved it (41139)

On 11/28/2013 at 9:05pm - misc - by OuchImAMoron (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML

#20972170
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28927) - you deserved it (13520)

On 11/27/2013 at 3:44am - health - by MissYouPieceOfSkin (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was taking some clean bedsheets down from the top of the wardrobe. As I pulled the top sheet down, a cat jumped onto my face, claws and all, before falling to the floor and running away. Thing is, I don't own a cat and I have no idea where in the house it has hidden now. FML

#20972130
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39370) - you deserved it (2304)

On 11/27/2013 at 2:08am - animals - by Seriously_Scaredy_Cat - United States

Today, I logged onto Facebook to see one of my "friends" had used my account to post a coming-out story. It had comments on it such as "I knew it!" "Finally." and "That explains so much." FML

#20970954
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39941) - you deserved it (4418)

On 11/26/2013 at 12:21am - misc - by Thanks guys - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "our priorities aren't the same." Her priorities turned out to be getting into my coworker's pants. FML

#20969114
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38018) - you deserved it (2323)

On 11/24/2013 at 2:59pm - love - by bsulyingb (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend got on one knee and started talking about how we met. Knowing what was coming, I started tearing up, absolutely sure he was going to propose. Just as I was about to say yes, he quickly stood up and yelled "HAH, JUST KIDDING". FML

#20967193
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57031) - you deserved it (5230)

On 11/22/2013 at 7:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my father took revenge on me for bankrupting him in a game of Monopoly. His revenge consisted of having a truckload of sand dumped in my driveway while I was at work. FML

#20966996
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37772) - you deserved it (3169)

On 11/22/2013 at 3:51pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, a girl and I were flirting and it was going well. Feeling bold, I asked what she would do if I kissed her. She smiled flirtatiously and said "Why don't you try it and find out?" I went in for a kiss, and she slapped me. FML

#20965644
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53507) - you deserved it (11456)

On 11/21/2013 at 11:10am - misc - by smooth (man) - United States



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