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TorturedXeno

Offline (the 12/04/2014 at 11:57am) | Search for a member

TorturedXeno

1Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 7135
  • Number of comments : 364
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 14 posted

About TorturedXeno : You merely adopted the doge. I was shaped by it, molded by it. I didn’t encounter a Cate until I was already a man.

TorturedXeno's page activity

Visits<b>Pauline96</b> - the 12/11/2014 at 1:32am<b>jcshadow</b> - the 12/07/2014 at 10:08pm<b>Jigglypuffnutz</b> - the 12/06/2014 at 11:49am<b>slippy327</b> - the 12/04/2014 at 4:38am<b>Sansa</b> - the 11/18/2014 at 4:02pm<b>PinkPoshling111</b> - the 10/29/2014 at 6:04am<b>MikkiMarie</b> - the 10/24/2014 at 5:36am<b>redflamer</b> - the 10/18/2014 at 8:35pm<b>Gunnie</b> - the 10/18/2014 at 2:20pm<b>ethan043</b> - the 10/16/2014 at 12:03am<b>Sophia813</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 7:54pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 10/06/2014 at 4:30pm<b>extremereviews</b> - the 10/05/2014 at 9:33am<b>WillowB47</b> - the 10/02/2014 at 6:12pm<b>tehaustiebear</b> - the 09/30/2014 at 12:21am<b>drayloon</b> - the 09/21/2014 at 1:02pm<b>Toodle_doo</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 10:45pm<b>Mindset</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 7:22am

Liked!<b>PinkPoshling111</b> - the 10/29/2014 at 11:04am

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Happy Ending

Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”

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TorturedXeno's favorite FMLs

Today, I was baking cookies. When I took the tray out of the oven I closed the door, but it bounced back open and hit me in the back of the knees. That caused me to sit down on the hot oven door. I was just wearing my short bathrobe and no underwear. I really burned my ass and um...stuff. FML

#168503
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81841) - you deserved it (14046)

On 03/01/2009 at 3:45am - health - by Monty (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I got an email from my professor with my grade for a paper. It said, "Solid writing, but you should have proofread your final draft more carefully." In a moment of annoyance, I typed in the reply box, "God should have proofread your FACE more carefully." My elbow hit the send button. FML

#97434
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14903) - you deserved it (61931)

On 02/21/2009 at 4:43pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Texas)

Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom busted in my room to ask if I'm okay because she thought the squeaking was my crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML

#70419
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24490) - you deserved it (57475)

On 02/18/2009 at 6:01pm - intimacy - by dirtyhands (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had dinner on my own. My cat came and sat on the chair on the other side of the table. We stared at each other during the whole meal. Pathetic. FML

#4050
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30931) - you deserved it (4370)

On 01/31/2009 at 10:03am - animals - by JulleandCici - Sent from mobile version

Today, I met the girl who dumped me because the distance between us was too great. We're in the same city again. She's now dating a Marine in Iraq. FML

#2645
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26723) - you deserved it (2205)

On 01/26/2009 at 10:51am - love - by saywhat - United States (Indiana)

Today, I signed up on one of those "cheater" dating sites. I ended up meeting my own girlfriend. FML

#798
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14295) - you deserved it (71678)

On 01/07/2009 at 6:56pm - intimacy - by Lou Czar - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was baby-sitting four rather noisy and rowdy kids. After a two hour struggle, I finally manage to get them into bed. I then ask them what they want before going to sleep, and the eldest replies: "Can you tell us a story where you die at the end?" FML

#624
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29424) - you deserved it (2600)

On 12/29/2008 at 5:56am - kids - by Hellau - Sent from mobile version

Today, my flatmate was listening to opera on full volume all afternoon and now he's playing James Bond on the trumpet. FML

#621
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18465) - you deserved it (2665)

On 12/29/2008 at 1:09am - misc - by noname - Sent from mobile version

Today, I dressed in my sexiest clothes to meet my new boyfriend at a restaurant. As I was a bit early, I took the opportunity to smoke a cigarette outside while I waited. The restaurant owner came out and said, "Hey, you. Go and 'work' somewhere else, please." FML

#600
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22158) - you deserved it (16301)

On 12/26/2008 at 1:32am - misc - by Lola - Sent from mobile version

Today, I woke up beside a disgusting guy I didn't know. He told me he was the best friend of the handsome guy I was hitting on yesterday evening. I can't remember at which point I got mislead into bringing the wrong one home. FML

#555
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5729) - you deserved it (26126)

On 12/20/2008 at 12:50am - misc - by elo - Sent from mobile version

Today, after numerous attempts, my car door still wouldn't unlock. After going ballistic on the lock, the key broke off inside. I then realized it wasn't my car. FML

#395
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11032) - you deserved it (25237)

On 11/26/2008 at 11:21pm - misc - by Smile - Sent from mobile version

Today, I just woke up next to the most unpopular girl in school. Damn Vodka. FML

#228
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18911) - you deserved it (135647)

On 11/06/2008 at 4:43am - intimacy - by Ben-Ben - Sent from mobile version

Today, in class, I was sitting next to the guy that I fancy. Shyly, I write our initials (L and A) into a heart on his hand to see his reaction. He said, "I love Los Angeles too!" FML

#6
437 comments

I agree, your life sucks (88476) - you deserved it (40353)

On 10/13/2008 at 4:19am - love - by mocass’1 (woman) - France



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