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TorturedXeno

Offline (the 07/15/2014 at 12:35am) | Search for a member

TorturedXeno

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4651
  • Number of comments : 362
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 13 posted

About TorturedXeno : You merely adopted the doge. I was shaped by it, molded by it. I didn’t encounter a Cate until I was already a man.

TorturedXeno's page activity

Visits<b>palestine4life</b> - 15 hours ago<b>redstone7693</b> - yesterday at 11:07pm<b>felixvdl</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 2:08am<b>echosong</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 2:45pm<b>KK3137</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 10:35am<b>RockUntilYouDie</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 6:19am<b>FMLifers</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 3:26am<b>AlwaysWatching</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 3:54pm<b>Almost_Positive</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 3:04pm<b>leopardwilliam</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 11:43am<b>josh8215</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 2:50am<b>superhtm</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 9:48pm<b>Faithilicious123</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 3:43pm<b>mamoudi</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 11:38am<b>OhWhoCares</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 9:48am<b>Secret_Ninjaa</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 8:16am<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 7:33am<b>AHotCupOfCoffee</b> - the 07/16/2014 at 9:40pm

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TorturedXeno's favorite FMLs

Today, while taking a walk in the forest, someone approached me and asked to borrow the knife I had clipped to my pocket. I happily obliged, assuming he just needed it as a tool. Instead, he used the knife to mug me, taking my cellphone and my wallet. I was robbed with my own knife. FML

Today, I took a run in the woods. Almost halfway through, I started to feel like I was going to faint. I was so dizzy that my sight was getting blurry. I went to sit down on what seemed like a rock. It wasn't a rock. It was a huge snapping turtle. FML

#20812086
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48428) - you deserved it (5403)

On 07/30/2013 at 7:19pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML

#20810087
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48407) - you deserved it (10815)

On 07/29/2013 at 5:18pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend about how I'm jealous of her best guy friend always hanging around her. She responded by saying, "Wait, I thought you knew I was dating him too?" FML

Today, my mother and I were discussing how we couldn't believe it's been nearly a year since my dad died. Not paying attention, my husband absentmindedly added, "Time flies when you're having fun." FML

#20804154
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41532) - you deserved it (3012)

On 07/26/2013 at 3:06am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, after our grandmother's memorial service, my 9-year-old sister took it upon herself to solemnly inform the priest in front of everyone in attendance that, "You lied. Jesus isn't here." FML

Today, I called a tree removal company to have my diseased elm removed. When I got home from work, I was surprised to find it still there. Not as surprised as my neighbor was to discover that his tree was missing, nor as surprised as his children when they saw there was no more tree-house. FML

#20790198
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52021) - you deserved it (3881)

On 07/18/2013 at 10:38am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, while visiting my grandparents, I used one of their blankets to keep warm. Later, I saw their dog getting busy with said blanket. When my grandparents saw my look of horror, they explained that he has "sexual relations" with the blanket every night. Thanks for telling me, guys. FML

#20788038
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41190) - you deserved it (3375)

On 07/17/2013 at 7:56am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while on the airplane, the cute girl next to me and I instantly hit it off. When I excused myself to the bathroom, I must have given her the wrong impression. She wanted to join the mile high club; I just wanted to take a crap. FML

#20781742
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56115) - you deserved it (11570)

On 07/14/2013 at 6:41am - intimacy - by mile high clubber - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was browsing porn in my room, when my dad barged in. I quickly switched to another tab, only to see it was parked on another porn page. I had another browser window open, so I switched to that. More porn. My dad said, "Riiiggghhhttt... You need help, son." FML

#20779957
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25998) - you deserved it (51421)

On 07/13/2013 at 1:22pm - misc - by fuck (man) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, the guy I like asked me what he should do for the girl he has a crush on. I told him to give her flowers and tell her how he feels. Later that day my doorbell rang, and he stood there holding flowers. He said the magical words, "My car broke down, can you give me a lift?" FML

#20778979
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62993) - you deserved it (4689)

On 07/13/2013 at 12:22am - love - by Stacy (woman) - United States

Today, I was over my grandparents' house for my grandfather's birthday. For years they would talk to each other in Italian and I could never understand them, so I started to take an online class to teach myself Italian. Now I know all they talk about is how much they hate everything about me. FML

#20773825
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58013) - you deserved it (4065)

On 07/10/2013 at 3:51am - misc - by mike - United States

Today, while leaving McDonald's, I threw a fry out the window to a flock of seagulls. I watched in the rear-view mirror as it landed in the opposite lane and about 60 winged rats descended upon the street, causing a truck to veer off the road and crash. FML

#20773275
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26612) - you deserved it (44632)

On 07/09/2013 at 10:48pm - misc - by John - United States

Today, my husband received the "antique" samurai sword that he bought on Craigslist with $399.99 of our money. He only shared my outrage at the waste of money when he opened the package, only to find a toy sword along with a note saying, "HAHA, TROLLED." FML

#20767253
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49800) - you deserved it (8904)

On 07/06/2013 at 3:45pm - money - by juliearis (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I saw my older sister for the first time in three years. We hadn't spoke since I found out that she was the woman my college boyfriend left me for. Unfortunately, our reunion was fueled by her two-year-old son's desire to meet his dad. My husband. FML

#20760666
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62116) - you deserved it (4917)

On 07/02/2013 at 10:39pm - love - by Jenn (woman) - United States (Georgia)



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