Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

TorturedXeno

Offline (the 07/15/2014 at 12:35am) | Search for a member

TorturedXeno

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4679
  • Number of comments : 362
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 13 posted

About TorturedXeno : You merely adopted the doge. I was shaped by it, molded by it. I didn’t encounter a Cate until I was already a man.

TorturedXeno's page activity

Visits<b>Kirbyzx</b> - 14 hours ago<b>palestine4life</b> - yesterday at 3:15pm<b>redstone7693</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 11:07pm<b>felixvdl</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 2:08am<b>echosong</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 2:45pm<b>KK3137</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 10:35am<b>RockUntilYouDie</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 6:19am<b>FMLifers</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 3:26am<b>AlwaysWatching</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 3:54pm<b>Almost_Positive</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 3:04pm<b>leopardwilliam</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 11:43am<b>josh8215</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 2:50am<b>superhtm</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 9:48pm<b>Faithilicious123</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 3:43pm<b>mamoudi</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 11:38am<b>OhWhoCares</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 9:48am<b>Secret_Ninjaa</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 8:16am<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 7:33am

TorturedXeno's FML badges

The rules are the rules

Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by our moderating team.

Happy Ending

Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of TorturedXeno's badges

TorturedXeno's favorite FMLs

Today, my older brother managed to convince my younger sister that she's actually a boy, and that she'll soon be getting a penis in the mail, which she excitedly told everyone she could. He convinced me of the exact same thing as well several years ago. FML

#21174074
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43470) - you deserved it (6267)

On 06/14/2014 at 2:42am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, my 8-year-old son microwaved his pet hamster. FML

#21173596
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52435) - you deserved it (8941)

On 06/13/2014 at 6:53pm - animals - by sunil (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I put my headphones on and laid down to relax to some music. I fell asleep, and woke up later to a police officer busting into my house. My neighbor had been knocking on my door, then looked through my window and saw me on my couch, and was convinced I'd died. FML

#21168349
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49215) - you deserved it (4813)

On 06/09/2014 at 3:37pm - misc - by I'm Not Dead Yet - United States (Arizona)

Today, I accidentally said the wrong name during sex. That name just happened to be "Sarah", which is both my ex-girlfriend's name and my wife's sister's name. When she asked me which one I meant, I panicked and said, "Both." FML

#21140956
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31447) - you deserved it (49705)

On 05/15/2014 at 6:57pm - intimacy - by FLIPmcCOOL - Ireland (Cork)

Today, I found out my son has a new hobby after seeing a picture on the internet: putting realistic-looking stickers of spiders at the bottom of my coffee mugs. My wife was scared half to death this morning after downing a cup of coffee and then glancing the cup's bottom. FML

#21139841
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36215) - you deserved it (4282)

On 05/14/2014 at 4:58pm - kids - by itwasathtebottomofmycoffeemug (man) - United States (California)

Today, three different strangers stopped me on the street and asked if I was Brad Pitt. Either there's some kind of conspiracy going on, or I'm the world's ugliest woman. FML

#21137630
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51077) - you deserved it (5024)

On 05/12/2014 at 10:38am - misc - by Lookalike (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, a customer asked me how long our 6-inch sandwich was. FML

#21136526
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42606) - you deserved it (4585)

On 05/11/2014 at 10:46am - work - by Makeitdance - United States (California)

Today, it's five days until my wedding and I still can't tell my bride apart from her twin sister. They share clothes, have the same haircut, and they even take turns flirting with me to "catch me off guard" because they think it's hilarious to trick me. I'm scared I'll marry the wrong one. FML

#21133982
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63350) - you deserved it (8077)

On 05/08/2014 at 9:55am - love - by STOP (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I started going on and on about dogs and their different types of breed, behaviours, expectancy, etc. When someone asked me how I know all this stuff, I meant to say, "I fucking love animals", I didn't think it through and said, "I love fucking animals". FML

#21131182
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46867) - you deserved it (17842)

On 05/05/2014 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Zekrome - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boss told our production department that we're not allowed to be happy. FML

#21129081
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38075) - you deserved it (3191)

On 05/02/2014 at 8:03pm - work - by i guess (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I didn't pay enough attention while sending a music file to be used in a powerful video my class-mates and I made about the Syrian civil war. Instead of a moving classical track, viewers were shown graphic scenes of devastation to the tune of Gangnam Style. FML

#21128082
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23606) - you deserved it (34210)

On 05/01/2014 at 4:10pm - work - by Mortifiedcharityworker (woman) - Austria

Today, I was taking the bus to work, when a man sat down beside me. The guy was nuttier than Ron Jeremy's ballsack, and had a face like a shovel and the worst meth mouth I've ever seen. I had to sit there for ages while he frantically muttered to himself and picked at my hair. FML

#21123602
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34943) - you deserved it (4920)

On 04/26/2014 at 3:55pm - misc - by fuckingfloridahowihatethee (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my drug addict of a roommate convinced herself my red kitten was Pennywise the clown in disguise waiting to kill her, and hit him over the head with a pan. FML

Today, my professor ran half a mile in the pouring rain just to return my cell phone, which I had left behind in lecture. Shocked and embarrassed, I exclaimed, "You shouldn't have!" "Damn right," he responded, "I'm 64 years old." FML

#21113974
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38171) - you deserved it (11402)

On 04/15/2014 at 7:18pm - work - by sad but true. - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my 12-year-old sister watched Frozen. She's spent the last two hours playing the song Let It Go on high volume over and over, and in different languages. I now have a skull-splitting headache, and my dad just sarcastically told me to "let it go". FML

#21113787
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45806) - you deserved it (5945)

On 04/15/2014 at 3:24pm - kids - by fuckyouharddad - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Élodie's Illustrated FML
  • Aaaaah, the beach, the sunshine, cool water against our skin...  Nah, just kidding, I can't afford a trip to the beach. This blog is being written from a grotty apartment in the less salubrious parts of…

Friday 18 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: