Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Tori_xoxo

Search for a member

Tori_xoxo

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 22 March 1995 (19 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5412
  • Number of comments : 32
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About Tori_xoxo : I love you ♥.

Tori_xoxo's page activity

Visits<b>Damafia</b> - the 08/30/2014 at 8:46pm<b>Taylor22294</b> - the 03/15/2014 at 7:54pm<b>Federgirl</b> - the 02/08/2014 at 11:49pm<b>anne90210</b> - the 06/06/2013 at 7:02am<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:33pm<b>lxclark</b> - the 03/30/2010 at 11:43pm<b>ch2358</b> - the 08/26/2009 at 1:21pm<b>prplr</b> - the 08/26/2009 at 6:16am<b>Daaniellee1234</b> - the 08/06/2009 at 3:59pm<b>Polionixon</b> - the 07/08/2009 at 10:05am<b>TLaurinda</b> - the 07/01/2009 at 11:27pm<b>ithedarkknight</b> - the 06/27/2009 at 1:52pm<b>Masta_Blasta</b> - the 06/26/2009 at 8:57am<b>IFUCKINLOVETEA</b> - the 06/21/2009 at 9:08pm<b>diki</b> - the 06/21/2009 at 5:08pm<b>Jerhel</b> - the 06/20/2009 at 3:44am<b>keoct</b> - the 06/18/2009 at 4:06am<b>C_ory</b> - the 06/17/2009 at 11:04pm

Tori_xoxo's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

Tori_xoxo's favorite FMLs

Today, my two year old daughter was playing in the kitchen. I went to go have a look and she was pretend cooking. When I asked what she was making she said "look mommy, chocolate!" and stuck her finger in my mouth. It wasn't chocolate. FML

#2768683
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62682) - you deserved it (5514)

On 06/10/2009 at 10:49am - kids - by Lisaa918 - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was alone in my friend's kitchen. I had "Don't Cha" stuck in my head all day so I decided to let it out by doing a slutty dance, including spinning around the support pole in the kitchen. I heard a noise outside and saw my friend's dad had been cleaning the windows. With a boner. FML

#2767851
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21451) - you deserved it (56298)

On 06/10/2009 at 9:51am - intimacy - by sluttydancer (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I busted my ass to help this old lady move her stuff because she was going to a nursing home. I was told I would get paid. When I finished four hours later the lady took me to a room and told me to pick out anything in her little goody bag. I got a race car as payment. FML

#2766394
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48277) - you deserved it (8697)

On 06/10/2009 at 7:03am - work - by person (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was walking downtown. I'm 57 years old, and I'm pretty well along in terms of hair loss. On top of that, I recently hurt my left leg and am walking with a crutch. I passed two teenagers, who were looking at me, and I overheard "Yeah, I agree. I'm much more scared of aging than death." FML

#2765293
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45212) - you deserved it (2358)

On 06/10/2009 at 4:18am - misc - by older (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found a dead bird on my windshield. Thinking I was clever, I turned on my windshield wipers to get the bird off. Unfortunately, the dead bird fell through my open window and onto my lap. FML

#2763272
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11202) - you deserved it (55575)

On 06/10/2009 at 12:36am - animals - by FMLTIMESTWO (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was walking my new dog and saw this girl that I've had a crush on for months. When I approached her, I tried to look 'macho' with my dog. However my dog thought it would be more attractive to pee on my leg. FML

#2741665
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39495) - you deserved it (9458)

On 06/09/2009 at 1:09pm - animals - by chris (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I found out just how thin the walls at my new student flat are. They are so thin in fact, that I can hear the creepy guy next door say my full name over and over again very slowly whilst masturbating rigorously. FML

#2738282
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (108221) - you deserved it (4835)

On 06/09/2009 at 9:36am - intimacy - by SleepyKirsty (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I met my cousin after two years. She got really tall and skinny, like a model. I joked saying, "You've grown and gotten slim, and I've stayed the same and have gotten fat." I expected some sort of disagreement. Instead, she looked me up and down, frowned, and gave me a long, sympathetic hug. FML

#2736188
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20227) - you deserved it (44858)

On 06/09/2009 at 4:39am - health - by fatty (woman) - Germany (Hessen)

Today, my mom walks into my room, with a serious look on her face asks me "When a man is getting it from behind, the man on top orgasms, but what happens to the man on bottom? Do you think he takes care of himself or what?" Hand motions were included. FML

#2736001
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78411) - you deserved it (5089)

On 06/09/2009 at 4:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was painting the garage door. After 3 hours, I finally finished the job. As I was walking back inside, accidentally pressed the button that opens and closes the garage door. Not only did the paint job get messed up as it went up, the paint also dripped onto my parents brand new car. FML

#2735407
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34628) - you deserved it (22125)

On 06/09/2009 at 3:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - South Africa (Free State)

Today, a guy from my school came into my work. I knew him but forgot his name. I didn't want to be rude and ask for his name when he probably expected me to know it. So, thinking I was clever, I said "How do you spell your name again?". His name was Rob. FML

#2734791
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13305) - you deserved it (50335)

On 06/09/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by purrtygirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was playing paintball when I noticed a 9 year old fat kid sitting and crying on the ground. Thinking he'd fallen and was hurt, I walked over to him. He looks up and shoots me in the face, arm, stomach, and happy sacks area from 4 feet away then runs off. He was not hurt at all, and now everything tastes like paint. FML

#2734001
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44926) - you deserved it (7907)

On 06/09/2009 at 2:04am - misc - by Woody - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I asked a girl out and made plans to go see a movie. About 5 minutes in, I made a move to put my arm around her and smashed her in the face. FML

#2733266
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18357) - you deserved it (42481)

On 06/09/2009 at 1:45am - love - by Ryan746 (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had a date with this really cute guy. He invited me over to make dinner at his place. Eventually we end up in his bedroom to have sex. He pulls down my panties and says, "You need to shave that shit." FML

#2734034
460 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51231) - you deserved it (64519)

On 06/09/2009 at 1:27am - intimacy - by lagirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I finally got my nametag. I had been using other people's names like Maria and Caie for a week, so I was happy to be called my own name. I put it on and got to work. Ten minutes later, I was called into the office. I got laid off. I got to wear my nametag for 10 minutes. FML

#2733384
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44682) - you deserved it (3264)

On 06/08/2009 at 10:07pm - misc - by nametag (man) - Canada (Ontario)



Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML
  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

Friday 19 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: