About Tori_iheartu : Single and ready to party
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Tori_iheartu's favorite FMLs
Today, my boyfriend and I got into a huge argument while driving home from visiting family. We pulled into a gas station, and I went inside to grab a drink and cool down. When I came back out, both car and boyfriend were nowhere in sight. It was my car. FML
by marcranger / 12/05/2013 at 9:30pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
Today, while I was working out, I was listening to music with my earbuds in. The Pokémon theme started playing and I begun singing along. It wasn't too long after that I remembered I was in a crowded gym on a military base. FML
by GymBattle / 10/31/2013 at 7:18pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Embarrassed / 08/22/2013 at 12:40am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
by Anonymous / 07/01/2013 at 2:03pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML
by ilivealoneandwhatthefuck / 06/23/2013 at 1:02pm / Guam / Miscellaneous
by dab1230 / 02/06/2013 at 7:26pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I was hanging out with my new boyfriend, and he took me back to his house for the first time. Taped to his bedroom door was a sheet of paper emblazoned with the words: "THE RAPE DUNGEON". I feel safer already. FML
by vagina dentata for christmas, pls / 01/25/2013 at 1:51pm / United States / Love
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me with the prettiest, most simple ring I have ever seen. I called my sister to tell her the good news, and her response was, "I know. He had me steal the ring from Claire's." FML
by Anonymous / 12/30/2012 at 6:58pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
by Dontwaketheneighbors / 12/06/2012 at 9:24am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend came over to a family game night. Halfway through a game of Klingon Monopoly, my drunk parents started arguing because apparently, while my dad was in jail, he cheated on my mom with a Klingon whore. I doubt my girlfriend will ever visit again. FML
by Eganstein / 11/24/2012 at 6:11pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
by wow babe / 11/19/2012 at 12:46pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
by schooyou101 / 11/17/2012 at 8:34am / United States (Kansas) / Love
by thanks, fuckface / 11/16/2012 at 2:42pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 11/03/2012 at 8:19pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. When she went to give me a blow job, I got embarrassed and told her I'd rather just please her instead. Now she thinks she's inadequate and I'm being a jerk. FML
by Anonymous / 10/25/2012 at 1:45am / United States / Intimacy
- 1Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation… 2Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 3Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went…
- Today I went as a chaperone on one of my son's middle school field trips to the beach with the rest… Today, I bought a non-refundable $200 plane ticket to Ohio to be with my girlfriend who moved there… Today, I was at a restaurant (which is 1 hour away from home) with my family eating dinner. I went…