About ToNiRadke : When life hands you lemons throw them at people to feel better about yourself
ToNiRadke's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
What'cha looking at?
You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
ToNiRadke's favorite FMLs
Today, my boss asked about the mass of deep scratches on my arm. I lied and told him it happened while I was trying to save my cat from a tree. Truth is, my cat is a sadistic asshole who stalks me and mauls me whenever he can. FML
by thewrittenrebel / 10/28/2014 at 3:40am / South Africa (Western Cape) / Animals
by Discipl / 10/27/2014 at 11:00pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, I walked into my house and saw it was flooded. I went upstairs to the bathroom to see the toilet overflowing and my boyfriend holding my dog over it so he could drink it. My boyfriend said he didn't know what else to do. FML
by anonymous / 10/16/2014 at 4:53pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, my wife pressed a button in the elevator and quickly ran out, leaving me in there with my crying baby. When the elevator arrived at the floor, the doors opened on a wedding reception. The doors couldn't have taken any longer to close again FML
by Anonymous / 10/13/2014 at 11:42am / Australia (South Australia) / Kids
by Drafrica / 10/13/2014 at 6:20am / South Africa / Intimacy
by freeachickadee / 10/09/2014 at 11:32pm / United States (New Jersey) / Work
by Anonymous / 09/27/2014 at 7:55pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health
by sexyhobbit / 07/11/2014 at 8:26pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML
by soundslikeadumbcommentersituation / 07/11/2014 at 4:34pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, as I was standing in line at the checkout, the elderly guy in front turned around and said quietly to me, "Sometimes I shit my pants." He then nodded grimly and turned back around, hitting me with the full force of the stench now coming from his pants. FML
by half-dead in CA / 05/31/2014 at 12:39pm / United States (California) / Health
by Anonymous / 05/26/2014 at 11:53am / United States (California) / Love
by thepixies842 / 05/19/2014 at 11:34am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I had to take my 15-year-old son to the hospital. He'd gone out dressed as some My Little Pony character and encountered someone who'd had the same idea. They then got into a fistfight, and my son got the shit beaten out of him. I wish I'd never bred. FML
by anna / 10/31/2013 at 2:27pm / United States (Mississippi) / Kids
by grossedout / 08/29/2013 at 12:26pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my little sister opened a lemonade stand in front of our house. Surprisingly, she actually had a lot of customers, all kids. Two hours or so later, some parents came back complaining and threatening to sue my family. Turns out that what we thought was lemonade was actually beer. FML
by IronSkye / 08/29/2013 at 6:55am / Romania (Bucuresti) / Kids
- Today, my two moms were telling some fairly obscene jokes about their sex life. When I told them to… Today, I've found out that since beginning my new heavy workout regime, my testosterone levels have… Today, while at the doctor's, a week overdue with my first child, I was told that sex and orgasms…