About ToNiRadke : When life hands you lemons throw them at people to feel better about yourself
ToNiRadke's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
What'cha looking at?
You have put three pictures on your profile, not necessarily pictures of your profile.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
ToNiRadke's favorite FMLs
Today, my roommate let out a blood-curdling scream in the bathroom. I ran in to see what was going on, only to find her sitting on the toilet, topless. Turned out she'd tried to pierce her own tit using a clothespin and a needle. FML
by Anonymous / 02/15/2015 at 12:57pm / Denmark / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/05/2015 at 10:32am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, at work, I sneezed so hard that I hit my head on my cash register. A second later, I heard roaring laughter from the security room, followed by someone saying to play it back. I'd almost convinced myself it wasn't about me, when one of the guys came out and gave me a thumb up. FML
Today, I returned a rental car and almost got charged extra for the "funky and rotten" smell in the car. I blamed it on a sausage roll, not having the heart to tell the woman it was my fart from a minute before. FML
by Anonymous / 01/12/2015 at 4:46am / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Transportation
by pitytitty / 01/09/2015 at 4:11am / United States (California) / Love
by JefferyLillie / 01/07/2015 at 3:31am / United States (North Dakota) / Intimacy
Today, while hanging out with this guy I'm interested in, we turned and made eye contact. We were face to face and I thought he was finally going to kiss me. He decided to lick my face from chin to forehead instead. FML
by qyx3lmnop24 / 12/20/2014 at 2:33am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I asked my teacher how old he was, and jokingly I said, "50?" Then he chuckled, so I laughed and said, "I was kidding… 42, 43, 44?" He then looked at me and said, "Are you trying to guess my age, or your grade percent in this class?" FML
by IHateSchool-.- / 12/11/2014 at 6:13pm / United States / Work
Today, I got to experience the horror of my wife's pregnancy. She woke me up abruptly at 5 am by throwing up all over me due to her terrible morning sickness, then ate pickles covered in mayonnaise, and later dropped to the floor sobbing when I told her we were out of dog food. FML
by Anonymous / 12/11/2014 at 4:47pm / United States (California) / Health
by Anonymous / 12/04/2014 at 2:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by pooplife / 11/30/2014 at 2:32pm / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Miscellaneous
by fart / 11/27/2014 at 10:13am / United States (Michigan) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/17/2014 at 5:00pm / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was speeding home, bursting to take a crap. I pulled into my driveway and made it inside, before my wife told me the plumber was still working on our pipes. I ended up having to take a crap in my own backyard, behind a tree. FML
by Anonymous / 11/13/2014 at 1:01pm / United States (California) / Health
by Anonymous / 10/30/2014 at 4:55pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
- Today, my fiancé and I were cuddling on the couch watching TV when we started kissing. As I crawled… Today, I tried on a new perfume. When my boyfriend hugged me, he commented that I smelled like his… Today, my parents' divorce was finalized, and my mother decided to publicly celebrate with a bikini…