TisAPenguin

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Offline (the 12/28/2015 at 8:26pm)

TisAPenguin

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 902
  • Number of comments : 176
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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TisAPenguin's page activity

Visits<b>doyouwantmedead</b> - the 03/30/2016 at 12:48pm<b>Kobwebs</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 3:03pm<b>here4thecomments</b> - the 01/06/2016 at 2:31am<b>breebousquett</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 11:18pm<b>bambi1989</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 11:10pm<b>racheldeanne12</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 10:20pm<b>KRAZYKILLAKLOWN</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 9:35pm<b>Joshwarrior</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 6:46pm<b>stingray112</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 5:33pm<b>theoldman</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 2:42pm<b>lovelyolme</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 2:32pm<b>purplehair</b> - the 01/05/2016 at 11:00am<b>jcbouch</b> - the 11/29/2015 at 11:18pm<b>lovinlife028</b> - the 10/02/2015 at 8:45am<b>bloodlusthatter</b> - the 07/25/2015 at 10:47pm<b>munuxi</b> - the 07/16/2015 at 7:34pm<b>daken96</b> - the 05/31/2015 at 1:38pm<b>Soviet_American</b> - the 05/23/2015 at 1:19am

Fucked!<b>Sanguinairius</b> - the 01/13/2015 at 2:38am

TisAPenguin's FML badges

50 quality responses

Clicking reply to a comment is a worthy thing to do. To do so without getting buried is even better.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

A new Thumb

You’ve used your thumb on 1000 comments.

See all of TisAPenguin's badges

TisAPenguin's favorite FMLs

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from 5 years back. Still bitter, I said, "Hey baby, you remember riding me 5 years ago?" I was then punched in the face and restrained until the police arrived. She'd been having an 8 year anniversary dinner with her husband. FML

by Anonymous / 10/24/2012 at 2:26pm / United States / Love

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML

by Anonymous / 09/28/2012 at 5:22pm / Canada / Intimacy

Today, I got stopped by the fuzz. The officer told me he "could care less" about my excuses. He was probably about to let me go without a ticket, but my inner Grammar Nazi kicked in and I explained why he meant to say "couldn't care less." I got the ticket. FML

by GN / 09/17/2012 at 12:47am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML

by Anonymous / 09/09/2012 at 8:03am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML

by Anonymous / 06/02/2012 at 6:24am / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Intimacy

Today, I was on a rowing machine at the gym, listening to a podcast. Something funny was said, I laughed, lost my balance and fell off, with my feet still stuck in the footrests. Someone had to come and help me off. FML

by Anonymous / 05/30/2012 at 10:06am / Ireland (Cork) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to Busch Gardens. Trying to cool off, I got on a ride that soaked me to the bone. For the rest of the time I was there, my bra was visible through my clothes, along with the "Hell Yeah" printed on my underwear. FML

by taylortotscx / 05/27/2012 at 1:15pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my extremely OCD girlfriend wouldn't have sex with me because my bedroom wasn't "properly symmetrical." FML

by gtfoocd / 12/27/2011 at 10:20am / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy

Today, for my birthday, instead of a cake, my friends surprised me with a castle mainly made out of bacon. I don't want to seem ungrateful, but I fucking hate bacon. FML

by Anonymous / 10/26/2011 at 10:14am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a Red Tailed Hawk land on my car and spend a few minutes looking at his reflection in the windshield. This was all really neat until I found out he badly scratched my hood with his large talons. FML

by MakeItMaaco / 07/11/2011 at 1:56pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, my husband of 30 years told me that he thought we should 'just be friends'. FML

by ZaraAce / 04/15/2011 at 7:38am / United Kingdom (Bedfordshire) / Love

Today, an attractive guy told me he wanted to get to know me and see me again. When I told my boyfriend, in hopes of stirring up some jealousy, he said "he'll regret it when he finds out what you're like in bed, trust me." FML

by fail / 12/21/2010 at 4:38am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on in his room. In a sexy voice, I asked him, "What are you thinking right now?" He replied, "I'm thinkin' Arby's." FML

by Anonymous / 01/08/2010 at 10:30pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a 24-hour taco shop, while he was wearing a tee-shirt that says "F*** Me I'm Famous." FML

by Anonymous / 10/31/2009 at 12:47pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my friend's paintball party and we were doing it in a forest nearby. When I arrived at his house, his parents said they already started, so I geared up and went out there to find that there was a note on a tree. It said 'Sorry', and then twenty people jumped from bushes and ambushed me. FML

by shitballs_911 / 10/07/2009 at 7:13am / United Kingdom (Kingston upon Thames) / Miscellaneous