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TisAPenguin

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TisAPenguin
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 186
  • Number of comments : 92
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

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TisAPenguin's favorite FMLs

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from 5 years back. Still bitter, I said, "Hey baby, you remember riding me 5 years ago?" I was then punched in the face and restrained until the police arrived. She'd been having an 8 year anniversary dinner with her husband. FML

#20131351
268 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16146) - you deserved it (43984)

On 10/24/2012 at 2:26pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML

#20092519
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9712) - you deserved it (39563)

On 09/28/2012 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada

Today, I got stopped by the fuzz. The officer told me he "could care less" about my excuses. He was probably about to let me go without a ticket, but my inner Grammar Nazi kicked in and I explained why he meant to say "couldn't care less." I got the ticket. FML

#20075636
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6887) - you deserved it (38659)

On 09/17/2012 at 12:47am - misc - by GN (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML

#20064384
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23460) - you deserved it (5823)

On 09/09/2012 at 8:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I said to my boyfriend that he makes the same noises when he smells bacon as he does when we have sex. Now everytime we have sex, he whispers "Bacon..." in my ear. FML

#19719748
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13594) - you deserved it (26603)

On 06/02/2012 at 6:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, I was on a rowing machine at the gym, listening to a podcast. Something funny was said, I laughed, lost my balance and fell off, with my feet still stuck in the footrests. Someone had to come and help me off. FML

#19703850
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15023) - you deserved it (4179)

On 05/30/2012 at 10:06am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Ireland (Cork)

Today, I went to Busch Gardens. Trying to cool off, I got on a ride that soaked me to the bone. For the rest of the time I was there, my bra was visible through my clothes, along with the "Hell Yeah" printed on my underwear. FML

#19688596
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6054) - you deserved it (22337)

On 05/27/2012 at 1:15pm - misc - by taylortotscx - United States (Florida)

Today, my extremely OCD girlfriend wouldn't have sex with me because my bedroom wasn't "properly symmetrical." FML

#18623946
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24241) - you deserved it (4868)

On 12/27/2011 at 10:20am - intimacy - by gtfoocd (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, for my birthday, instead of a cake, my friends surprised me with a castle mainly made out of bacon. I don't want to seem ungrateful, but I fucking hate bacon. FML

#18079662
414 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21299) - you deserved it (43096)

On 10/26/2011 at 10:14am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I saw a Red Tailed Hawk land on my car and spend a few minutes looking at his reflection in the windshield. This was all really neat until I found out he badly scratched my hood with his large talons. FML

#17066735
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20015) - you deserved it (2413)

On 07/11/2011 at 1:56pm - misc - by MakeItMaaco (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband of 30 years told me that he thought we should 'just be friends'. FML

#15793085
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57862) - you deserved it (4165)

On 04/15/2011 at 7:38am - love - by ZaraAce (woman) - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)

Today, an attractive guy told me he wanted to get to know me and see me again. When I told my boyfriend, in hopes of stirring up some jealousy, he said "he'll regret it when he finds out what you're like in bed, trust me." FML

#14282148
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19139) - you deserved it (36028)

On 12/21/2010 at 4:38am - intimacy - by fail (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting it on in his room. In a sexy voice, I asked him, "What are you thinking right now?" He replied, "I'm thinkin' Arby's." FML

#7225857
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13339) - you deserved it (3814)

On 01/08/2010 at 10:30pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a 24-hour taco shop, while he was wearing a tee-shirt that says "F*** Me I'm Famous." FML

#6083717
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27230) - you deserved it (8212)

On 10/31/2009 at 12:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, it was my friend's paintball party and we were doing it in a forest nearby. When I arrived at his house, his parents said they already started, so I geared up and went out there to find that there was a note on a tree. It said 'Sorry', and then twenty people jumped from bushes and ambushed me. FML

#5699307
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30654) - you deserved it (10374)

On 10/07/2009 at 7:13am - misc - by shitballs_911 (man) - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Thames)



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