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TisAPenguin's favorite FMLs
Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from 5 years back. Still bitter, I said, "Hey baby, you remember riding me 5 years ago?" I was then punched in the face and restrained until the police arrived. She'd been having an 8 year anniversary dinner with her husband. FML
by Anonymous / 10/24/2012 at 2:26pm / United States / Love
Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML
by Anonymous / 09/28/2012 at 5:22pm / Canada / Intimacy
Today, I got stopped by the fuzz. The officer told me he "could care less" about my excuses. He was probably about to let me go without a ticket, but my inner Grammar Nazi kicked in and I explained why he meant to say "couldn't care less." I got the ticket. FML
by GN / 09/17/2012 at 12:47am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/09/2012 at 8:03am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/02/2012 at 6:24am / United Kingdom (Northamptonshire) / Intimacy
Today, I was on a rowing machine at the gym, listening to a podcast. Something funny was said, I laughed, lost my balance and fell off, with my feet still stuck in the footrests. Someone had to come and help me off. FML
by Anonymous / 05/30/2012 at 10:06am / Ireland (Cork) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to Busch Gardens. Trying to cool off, I got on a ride that soaked me to the bone. For the rest of the time I was there, my bra was visible through my clothes, along with the "Hell Yeah" printed on my underwear. FML
by taylortotscx / 05/27/2012 at 1:15pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by gtfoocd / 12/27/2011 at 10:20am / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/26/2011 at 10:14am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw a Red Tailed Hawk land on my car and spend a few minutes looking at his reflection in the windshield. This was all really neat until I found out he badly scratched my hood with his large talons. FML
by MakeItMaaco / 07/11/2011 at 1:56pm / United States (Texas) / Transportation
by ZaraAce / 04/15/2011 at 7:38am / United Kingdom (Bedfordshire) / Love
Today, an attractive guy told me he wanted to get to know me and see me again. When I told my boyfriend, in hopes of stirring up some jealousy, he said "he'll regret it when he finds out what you're like in bed, trust me." FML
by fail / 12/21/2010 at 4:38am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/08/2010 at 10:30pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/31/2009 at 12:47pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, it was my friend's paintball party and we were doing it in a forest nearby. When I arrived at his house, his parents said they already started, so I geared up and went out there to find that there was a note on a tree. It said 'Sorry', and then twenty people jumped from bushes and ambushed me. FML
by shitballs_911 / 10/07/2009 at 7:13am / United Kingdom (Kingston upon Thames) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I found out I sleep with my mouth open. How did I find out? After I woke up with a spider in… Today, I found out there was a mistake on the 2650 copies I printed to distribute for an event. I… Today, my boyfriend told me to call him "Daddy". I usually don't do this, but I played along. Turns…