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Timpa70

Offline (the 09/30/2014 at 3:08am) | Search for a member

Timpa70

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 249
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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Timpa70's page activity

Visits<b>Wizardo</b> - the 09/06/2014 at 3:43pm<b>QueenaSng</b> - the 09/03/2014 at 6:39pm<b>MattBenid</b> - the 09/03/2014 at 4:23pm<b>noah_1234</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 12:27am<b>incognitogirl</b> - the 08/25/2014 at 6:10am<b>qlortin</b> - the 08/18/2014 at 11:03am<b>Welshite</b> - the 08/14/2014 at 7:19am<b>MikaykayUnicorn</b> - the 06/01/2014 at 5:15pm<b>Hugh_Janus</b> - the 06/01/2014 at 11:56am<b>tuckit</b> - the 06/01/2014 at 8:03am<b>pandasaresocute</b> - the 05/31/2014 at 7:29am<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 05/29/2014 at 5:03pm<b>kelsorg</b> - the 05/25/2014 at 2:25pm<b>tweetypie</b> - the 05/21/2014 at 9:02am<b>luebbe</b> - the 04/27/2014 at 12:36am<b>mariannezr</b> - the 04/24/2014 at 12:21am

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Timpa70's favorite FMLs

Today, in astronomy class, a kid used Uranus in a hilarious innuendo. I was the only one who laughed. I also happen to be the teacher. FML

#21260699
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32590) - you deserved it (5362)

On 09/18/2014 at 3:20pm - misc - by immature - United Kingdom (Reading)

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

#21241836
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45001) - you deserved it (7571)

On 08/20/2014 at 5:03pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my new doctor gave me a breast exam and said everything was healthy, before adding "Well, I think so, anyway. I don't actually work here." As I freaked out, he laughed out loud, said he was just kidding, and that he should prescribe me a chill pill. FML

#21241090
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42013) - you deserved it (5962)

On 08/19/2014 at 4:46pm - health - by humdrummitydrum (woman) - United States

Today, a few minutes after giving birth to our fourth child, my wife pulled me close and whispered, "I love you, but if you ever put me through that again I'll rip your balls off." Everyone laughed. FML

#21239517
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42305) - you deserved it (13721)

On 08/17/2014 at 2:15am - kids - by you ripped them off ages ago (man) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I saw a bulge in my friend's pocket. I poked it and asked, "What'cha got there?" He said, "Uh, that's my dick, Mike." FML

#21235845
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39186) - you deserved it (24214)

On 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm - intimacy - by not a dick-man (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my boobs. I quickly found out that I'd accidentally sent it to my sister instead. She sent me one back. FML

#21196202
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44522) - you deserved it (25450)

On 07/02/2014 at 1:01pm - intimacy - by boob sisters (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, a customer at work said his table was dirty. I asked which one he was sitting at so I could clean it for him. For some bizarre reason he got pissed and called my manager over. He ended up reporting us to corporate, and my manager got written up. He's blaming me for everything. FML

#21163809
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40990) - you deserved it (3230)

On 06/05/2014 at 11:16am - work - by DarkSerebii (woman) - United States

Today, at the café I work at, I was yelled at by a woman because the drinks and food she ordered were "taking too long". Before I had the chance to get a word in, she stormed out and said she would never come back. I didn't get the chance to inform her that she hadn't ordered yet. FML

#21106207
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43097) - you deserved it (3174)

On 04/06/2014 at 8:20pm - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I followed my wife out, since she's been acting strangely lately and I was suspicious. She met up with a guy at a restaurant, who she later claimed was her brother. Either she's cheating on me, or it's tradition in her family to make out and grope each other at the end of meals. FML

#21087493
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56891) - you deserved it (4380)

On 03/15/2014 at 5:48pm - love - by broken vows (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that my 15-year-old son is a prolific creator of My Little Pony themed hentai. I'm not a judgmental man, but he's probably going to hell. FML

#21082455
398 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41122) - you deserved it (7757)

On 03/09/2014 at 6:32pm - kids - by ashamed father (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was walking through town with my hood up and noticed people giving me funny looks. It wasn't until I got home that I realised the umbrella I was holding over my head had been closed the whole time. FML

#21079127
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36882) - you deserved it (14721)

On 03/05/2014 at 9:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Portsmouth)

Today, I ran out of toilet paper. I yelled from the bathroom for my parents to bring me some toilet paper. My dad slipped one tiny piece of toilet paper under the door and boomed, "THE FINAL TEST." FML

#21058095
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38924) - you deserved it (5164)

On 02/12/2014 at 12:57pm - misc - by airhead2015 (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was hitting on a girl, and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into my phone, she called my mom and asked her if she raised me to "sexually harass women." FML

#20918730
320 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21595) - you deserved it (81375)

On 10/13/2013 at 10:38am - love - by not getting laid - United States (Texas)

Today, my superior gave me a box of ethernet cables which were previously attached to mainframes storing classified data. He requested I cut them in half so that the residual data would leak out. Not only does this guy make twice my salary, there was no convincing him otherwise. We cut them up. FML



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