Timpa70

Search for a member

Offline (the 09/03/2016 at 11:24am)

Timpa70

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1304
  • Number of comments : 26
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

This member hasn't filled in their description.

Timpa70's page activity

Visits<b>the_panda</b> - the 09/08/2015 at 11:53am<b>ukeandfoodislife</b> - the 09/04/2015 at 2:59am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 09/03/2015 at 7:42am<b>koganti</b> - the 09/02/2015 at 11:19am<b>pharaohasphuck</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 7:31pm<b>cakesordeath</b> - the 05/13/2015 at 10:27pm<b>mcronin</b> - the 05/11/2015 at 10:17pm<b>the_aspect</b> - the 04/23/2015 at 10:13am<b>hannahsturley</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 1:09am<b>mylifesF</b> - the 04/13/2015 at 5:40pm<b>Deltacatt</b> - the 04/08/2015 at 8:58pm<b>Iniezian</b> - the 04/08/2015 at 5:27am<b>PeterCapaldi</b> - the 03/28/2015 at 9:27am<b>helloimclaudia</b> - the 01/28/2015 at 7:05am<b>Oliok</b> - the 01/03/2015 at 10:55pm<b>Ashd09</b> - the 11/25/2014 at 9:46am<b>ConfusedStories</b> - the 11/24/2014 at 6:48pm<b>NLM22</b> - the 11/05/2014 at 3:54pm

Fucked!<b>ukeandfoodislife</b> - the 09/03/2015 at 9:31am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 09/02/2015 at 4:47pm

Timpa70's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of Timpa70's badges

Timpa70's favorite FMLs

Today, I accidentally walked in on my sister shaving, naked. I don't know what's worse, the fact I've now seen her nude, or that she looks ten times better than any girl I've ever slept with. FML

by Anonymous / 01/31/2016 at 4:33am / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, some friends got upset with me as I wouldn't leave work early and cycle 12 miles to meet them to fix their punctures because they had no spare tubes or repair kits. The same friends that always mock me for being so prepared on bike rides. FML

by Anonymous / 09/02/2015 at 5:20am / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML

by Afroman720 / 07/27/2015 at 2:55pm / United States / Love

Today, I saw a real, erect penis for the first time. My brother's, while he was jerking off. He doesn't know I saw, because he was holding a pair of panties over his face with his other hand. I'm trying like hell to act like I'm not mentally scarred. FML

by Anonymous / 05/18/2015 at 12:58pm / Australia / Intimacy

Today, I went to a domestic violence counseling group. I was the only male there, and I explained that my girlfriend punches me in the face in front of my kids. Everyone started laughing. FML

by SOTS4335 / 05/16/2015 at 6:16pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a creepy old guy kept hitting on me in line at Subway. I got scared and told him to back off because my dad was waiting for me outside. He replied that he wouldn't object to a three-way. FML

by Anonymous / 02/08/2015 at 11:05am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I posted a photo on Facebook of me at a club with some friends. The first comment it got was "Just got a stiffy. 10/10." Thanks for that, dad. FML

by gali-ma / 02/07/2015 at 7:52am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was making out with a girl I've liked for a long time. At one point she stopped kissing me and said, "You kiss like my brother". I sat there dumbstruck as she went back to kissing me. FML

by Anonymous / 02/03/2015 at 1:23pm / United States (Wyoming) / Love

Today, is the blizzard. I have to go into work, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't show up. I sent him a picture of the snow completely covering my car. He said I moved the snow there and could move it back. FML

by bitchypast / 01/27/2015 at 6:50pm / United States (Maine) / Work

Today, I realized why you should never wear a thong under yoga pants that are a couple of sizes too small. It's a weird thing, seeing your co-worker's anus. FML

by Anonymous / 01/26/2015 at 6:24pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, due to a mix up, I had to call an answering service. I am also from an answering service. We got the problem fixed but I couldn't hang up due to company policy. She couldn't hang up either. We both had to get our supervisors for permission to hang up. FML

by ring-a-ding-ding / 12/06/2014 at 12:18am / United States (Nevada) / Work

Today, I was dressed as a single girl. I wore pajama pants, hoodie with no bra, and carried a plate of pizza around. But it wasn't my costume, I just had nowhere to go for Halloween. FML

by 4evalone / 11/01/2014 at 1:59am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, in astronomy class, a kid used Uranus in a hilarious innuendo. I was the only one who laughed. I also happen to be the teacher. FML

by immature / 09/18/2014 at 3:20pm / United Kingdom (Reading) / Work

Today, my girlfriend took our prank war way too far and had a package sent to me at home. Confused, I opened it. It contained a dildo and a bottle of lube. I didn't know my dad was watching over my shoulder until I heard him choke on his coffee and felt it splash over my neck. FML

by Anonymous / 08/20/2014 at 5:03pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, my new doctor gave me a breast exam and said everything was healthy, before adding "Well, I think so, anyway. I don't actually work here." As I freaked out, he laughed out loud, said he was just kidding, and that he should prescribe me a chill pill. FML

by humdrummitydrum / 08/19/2014 at 4:46pm / United States / Health