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TimeDisposalEngi

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TimeDisposalEngi
  • Town/Country : Toronto, Canada
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 2 February 1991 (23 years)
  • Number of visits : 771
  • Number of comments : 73
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About TimeDisposalEngi : As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, “If I’m going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman.”

She removes all her clothing and asks, “Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?”

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, “Here, iron this!”.

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TimeDisposalEngi's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML

#20584918
234 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46833) - you deserved it (6377)

On 04/11/2013 at 11:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

#20582197
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43648) - you deserved it (4550)

On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went out to a restaurant to meet a girl that I met online. When I arrived I texted her and she said she was wearing a blue shirt. The only person that was wearing anything blue was a fat man smiling in the corner. FML

#20552465
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35399) - you deserved it (9494)

On 03/20/2013 at 5:16pm - misc - by bobthenun - United States (California)

Today, four days after our fridge-freezer broke down, my husband staggered home with three bags of ham. He drunkenly bought it with most of what little money we have, so now not only is our food budget gone, we also have a metric cunt-load of ham, and nowhere to store it. FML

#20548229
167 comments

Today, I found out that my wife makes mashed potatoes by using her dirty feet to crush the potatoes because apparently this is a "healthy, natural" way to make them, and it also cleans her feet. I've been eating her mashed potatoes at least once every week. FML

#20531751
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40690) - you deserved it (3938)

On 03/05/2013 at 12:25am - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by quietly undressing and sneaking into the bathroom to join him in the shower. He was bent over taking a dump, pushing his turd down the plughole. FML

#20524189
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36490) - you deserved it (5848)

On 02/27/2013 at 8:49am - misc - by anony (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my hubby asked for a morning blow job, and I happily obliged. All was going great until he came and farted at the same time. I laughed and reassured him it was no big deal. He cried. FML

#20470929
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46051) - you deserved it (5561)

On 01/21/2013 at 7:36am - intimacy - by airbiscuit (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, my husband and I found the perfect house, in our price range and everything we wanted in a house. However, the street it's on is called "Arbour Butte Road". My husband refuses to buy it because he doesn't want it to sound like he lives "in a tree's ass." I'm married to an idiot. FML

#20451265
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26317) - you deserved it (5340)

On 01/10/2013 at 12:53am - misc - by it's just a name (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I asked my mom what her biggest craving was when she was pregnant with me. Her answer: an abortion. FML

#20449894
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47719) - you deserved it (4600)

On 01/09/2013 at 11:07am - misc - by kk - United States

Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML

#20436012
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46776) - you deserved it (3487)

On 01/01/2013 at 10:20am - intimacy - by ashbeat - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I played a game of Monopoly with my friends. Since I'm of Greek origin, they thought it would be funny to make me start with a €100,000 debt. FML

#20398504
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24591) - you deserved it (4702) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/13/2012 at 9:25pm - money - by Money-money-money (woman) - France

Today, my drunk girlfriend maxed out my credit card, on an "authentic" Jesus Christ autograph on eBay. FML

#20397287
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22672) - you deserved it (3587)

On 12/12/2012 at 9:14pm - misc - by maxedoutidiot - United States

Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML

#19207930
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26894) - you deserved it (8842)

On 03/03/2012 at 8:55am - misc - by scaredshitless (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, my husband thought it would be "funny" to put laxatives in the cakes for my son's 7th birthday party. Over 40 kids came to the party. FML

#18912466
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30843) - you deserved it (3351)

On 01/25/2012 at 11:18pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my 17 year old asked me whether to chew or swallow grapes. I raised this dumbass. FML

#17302566
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23346) - you deserved it (12861)

On 07/29/2011 at 10:10pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)



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