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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Tika876

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Tika876
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 4364
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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Tika876's favorite FMLs

Today, I noticed an extremely large bug buzzing around my room. After several attempts, I stomped on it with my shoe. I was trying to get a closer look at my victory when it flew into my nostril. Turns out it was just playing dead. FML

#16201073 (90)

I agree, your life sucks (24024) - you deserved it (6140)

On 05/16/2011 at 2:26am - misc - by bugnose (woman) -

Today, a woman came to my counter and ordered 12 donuts, I said "OK sure, a dozen donuts." She paused, looked at me with disgust and yelled "I said 12, NOT a dozen." FML

#14277072 (304)

I agree, your life sucks (32603) - you deserved it (2431)

On 12/20/2010 at 8:52pm - work - by morenita27 (woman) - Canada

Today, I found out my sister has a new boyfriend. That would have been helpful to know 3 hours ago before I told her boyfriend, who is also my best friend, that I loved him. His response? "HAHAHA! Good one! Oh Seriously? Shit." FML

#8765418 (101)

I agree, your life sucks (22223) - you deserved it (1980)

On 03/02/2010 at 1:07am - love - by SingleSara. (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML

#7379683 (143)

I agree, your life sucks (25676) - you deserved it (2302)

On 01/16/2010 at 3:19pm - health - by dire-rear (woman) - Singapore

Today, I woke up with the flu that causes me to throw up violently until I dry heave and can't breathe. I told my mom I would rather have the runs, and not even a minute later, I got them. So now if I move too fast, I throw up, and if I don't move fast enough, I shit myself. FML

#7022853 (108)

I agree, your life sucks (26950) - you deserved it (2202)

On 12/29/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by sickofsick - United States

Today, I was in line in the grocery store with my 3 year old son. He was holding a tub of yogurt that had a cow with sunglasses on on it. He shouted, "Mommy, look at the fat cow with the sunglasses on!" To my horror, the obese woman in front of us turned around. She was wearing sunglasses. FML

#6533285 (181)

I agree, your life sucks (36033) - you deserved it (2052)

On 11/30/2009 at 1:59pm - misc - by annonymous - United States (California)

Today, I got home from work and heard the shower in my bathroom running. Thinking my wife was taking a shower, I got completely undressed and walked in. My wife wasn't in the shower, instead I found my daughter and her boyfriend in the shower, making out. There was an awkward moment of silence. FML

#5974378 (181)

I agree, your life sucks (22272) - you deserved it (5728)

On 10/24/2009 at 1:35pm - intimacy - by sad_dad (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend took me on a surprise date night down a dirt road to a field in the middle of nowhere. He packed some blankets, a bottle of wine, and some condoms. He didn't know the dirt road was actually a driveway until all of our clothes were off. FML

#4281223 (104)

I agree, your life sucks (35926) - you deserved it (8666)

On 08/04/2009 at 12:55pm - intimacy - by Stars (woman) - United States (Ohio)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had my first blow job. My girlfriend thought it would be sexy to "caress" my ball sack. By caress she meant bitch slap from side to side. FML

#4267516 (242)

I agree, your life sucks (50606) - you deserved it (6825)

On 08/03/2009 at 10:37pm - intimacy - by BeboKhaos (man) - United States (California)

Today, while on a run, I thought I'd run into a flock of geese in a field. Doing so, I learned that when you do this alone, the birds don't fly away, they attack. FML

#3485353 (171)

I agree, your life sucks (8599) - you deserved it (42477)

On 07/04/2009 at 5:56pm - animals - by SwordFish8 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I reached into my fridge to grab a strawberry soda. I noticed the can had started to leak from the top so I slurped up the spilt red liquid on the top of the can. I realized it wasn't soda, but blood from a defrosting steak on the shelf above it. FML

#2929872 (257)

I agree, your life sucks (40147) - you deserved it (14640)

On 06/16/2009 at 12:38am - misc - by kjmsit (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was on the phone with a prospective blind date. He asked me to describe myself so I said that I was fun, attractive and a little chubby but not fat. My 7 year old sister walked up to me and screamed "Jesus doesn't like it when we lie!". FML

#2914098 (143)

I agree, your life sucks (40085) - you deserved it (9664)

On 06/15/2009 at 3:11pm - love - by apparentlyugly (woman) - United States

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I really get off on hearing her say my name so I was imagining her doing so more often than she actually was. I then called out my own name by accident. FML

#1714855 (244)

I agree, your life sucks (21070) - you deserved it (73913)

On 05/07/2009 at 10:45am - intimacy - by eeh (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

#253938 (1736)

I agree, your life sucks (362869) - you deserved it (401195)

On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was driving down the road when I got to a red light. I looked over and saw a hot chick in a convertible so I spoke to my window thinking she couldn't hear me "Hey girl, I may have a tiny dick but I make up for it in speed and stamina." She looked over. I forgot about the sunroof. FML

#239452 (83)

I agree, your life sucks (5615) - you deserved it (62515)

On 03/08/2009 at 12:36am - intimacy - by Smash_Mouth - United States (Florida)