About Tiger9099 : Is what your reaction is like when someone is talking to your crush.
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Tiger9099's favorite FMLs
by Doors Hate Me / 03/02/2013 at 9:09am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to my crotch. She felt my erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig for "assuming we were going to have sex." FML
by sn-511 / 03/01/2013 at 5:54pm / Italy (Campania) / Intimacy
Today, my boss gave me the task of firing a recently-hired coworker next Friday. This guy spends most of his off-hours working out, probably abusing the fuck out of steroids, and to whom prison is like a bed-and-breakfast. I fear for my life by this point. FML
by cthulhu help me / 03/01/2013 at 1:22pm / United States (Arkansas) / Work
Today, while I was shaving my nether regions, my trimmer slipped and ate a chunk out of my balls, right beside a vein. I've been bleeding on and off for an hour, and the New Skin I tried isn't able to dry quickly enough. FML
by Anonymous / 02/24/2013 at 2:58pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, my brother accidentally hit me in the throat. After I stopped coughing, choking, and feeling like I was going to die, he came back into my room, quietly said "I know your weakness," and left. FML
by Anonymous / 02/23/2013 at 1:28am / United States (Colorado) / Health
Today, I was pushing my wheelchair-bound grandpa back home, when a pretty girl walked past us in the opposite direction. He made me stop and turn him around, just so he could ogle her ass as she walked away. FML
by hé merde / 02/22/2013 at 9:27pm / Miscellaneous
by ? / 02/20/2013 at 1:20pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, the office coffee machine was relocated next to my desk. My co-worker insists on making several cups of the stuff per day, but instead of drinking it, he stands next to me, audibly swishes it through his teeth, gargles, and drools it back into the cup. I retch every single time. FML
by UuuuUUUUhhgghghghGHh / 02/09/2013 at 12:21pm / Kenya / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/08/2013 at 4:20pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at an estate sale of my neighbor who recently passed. I recognized many items for sale that I had ordered or won on eBay from the past 8 years. Turns out the little old lady had been stealing my mail for close to a decade. FML
by GarageSallin / 02/07/2013 at 10:24am / Miscellaneous
by Experience / 02/05/2013 at 3:19pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by TheLastSerenade / 01/23/2013 at 3:33am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, my rescue squad unit responded to a 911 call from a woman who felt she was going to pass out. We knocked on her locked door a couple times with no answer. Fearing she might be unconscious, I kicked in the door. She was about to open it and only passed out from the concussion I gave her. FML
by mrWrong / 03/24/2009 at 9:20pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today my mom, bored lover of games and mysteries, bragged about outsmarting scammers by burning all…