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Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29495) - you totally deserved it (4110)
On 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I got an email from the company that manages my Cat's microchip informing me that I had to update my information that had been entered by the local Humane Society. Apparently, they listed my cat "Coral" as the owner, and me as the pet. To change it, they needed the cat's signature. FML
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On 10/05/2009 at 3:23pm - misc - by APetsPet (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was talking and joking with my boyfriend. He said "Hey wanna hear a joke?" I said "Yes." He said, "Our relationship." and walked away. He seriously dumped me through a one-liner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31728) - you totally deserved it (2588)
On 09/27/2009 at 9:16pm - love - by screwwyou (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my boyfriend, who has been growing out his facial hair lately, and I, went to a family get together. When we showed up my grandmother came up to him and started growling. She then said, "I was just trying to communicate with Chewbacca over here." Thanks grandma. FML
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On 09/19/2009 at 2:43pm - misc - by Chewy (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. Thinking I was being cute I spelled out "Marry Me" in alphabet soup, because that's her favorite. She took one look at it and started to laugh. She then began to spell out "no". She still ate the soup. FML
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On 09/14/2009 at 5:56am - misc - by alphabetman (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I went on a romantic date to the mountains to look a stars with a boy I had just met. We started kissing and he stopped, asking if it was rude for him to take me home now. After getting dropped off, he texted me saying we could never do that again and we should never talk about it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31797) - you totally deserved it (2909)
On 09/12/2009 at 5:26pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)
Today I was eating m&ms on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see my hand on my crotch and me muttering "where is that little bastard?" FML
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On 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm - misc - by awilson (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I fell asleep in my last period class. When I woke up my teacher said "you missed your bus". I grabbed all my stuff and ran out the room. My class mates were standing outside the class laughing. We still had an hour left in class. FML
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On 09/09/2009 at 8:32am - misc - by Victor (man) - United States
Today I switched doctors, from a pediatrician to an adult doctor. The guy was really persistant about a few personal questions. Then he brought my parents in the room and proceded to tell them that I have an abnormally small penis and what remedies he knows of to fix it. FML
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On 09/08/2009 at 5:17pm - misc - by dude5028 - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was visiting my girlfriend's house to meet her parents. We were having a nice conversation and her mom then asked "What have you done recently that was great?" I replied without thinking "Your daughter." FML
I agree, your life sucks (6781) - you totally deserved it (53018)
On 09/03/2009 at 11:38am - love - by butshewasgreat (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I walked into the kitchen and saw a note my roomate posted. As I got close to read it I was attacked by a very pissed off cat. The note said "Left window open last night, stray cat got in. Watch out he isn't friendly." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28052) - you totally deserved it (1442)
On 09/01/2009 at 2:51pm - misc - by Catscratch (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was at the beach with friends and I fell asleep while I was tanning. When I woke up, everyone was laughing hysterically. I asked what was so funny, and one of my friends replies, "you farted so loud in your sleep that you woke yourself up." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33638) - you totally deserved it (4322)
On 08/11/2009 at 12:06am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I found out my boyfriend stacks things on me while I sleep. Apparently his record is 4 pillows, a textbook, and the cat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38191) - you totally deserved it (6206)
On 08/06/2009 at 7:11am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I was with my mom and my boyfriend at lunch. My phone rings and my mom excitedly says "You have friends!" As I'm about to answer it, she pulls out her phone from under the table and says "Kidding, it's just me." My boyfriend starts cracking up, and they exchange a high five. FML
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On 08/02/2009 at 1:12pm - misc - by NoFriends - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of random names she thought of, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML
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On 08/01/2009 at 3:44am - love - by NinjaPanda88 (man) - United States (California)
