The_Lazarus

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Offline (the 11/19/2014 at 8:49am)

The_Lazarus

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1643
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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The_Lazarus's page activity

Visits<b>masyn_rae</b> - the 07/14/2014 at 4:22pm<b>Santiago1222</b> - the 06/24/2014 at 9:05pm<b>Deadpool47</b> - the 06/20/2014 at 10:47am

The_Lazarus's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

See all of The_Lazarus's badges

The_Lazarus's favorite FMLs

Today, I was hugging my girlfriend after she had a really bad day at work, when she burst into tears and started sobbing. For some reason that I'll never understand, it gave me a hard-on. She felt it, and now she thinks I'm a sick bastard. FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2014 at 2:44pm / United States (Alabama) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I tried roleplaying a teacher-student during sex. We're both studying to be actors, so we ended up going into a really deep, emotional storyline that didn't end in sex at all. FML

by too good / 10/24/2014 at 6:54am / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

by facepalm / 10/15/2014 at 7:36pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, as always, I have Tourette's syndrome. It causes me to occasionally make a beeping noise. My boyfriend just figured out that if he beeps back, it makes me beep again. He thinks it's hilarious and won't stop. FML

by Beeper / 10/11/2014 at 3:07pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML

by Anonymous / 10/10/2014 at 5:51pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I got my first compliment in over a year. It was from my gynecologist, saying I have a beautiful cervix. FML

by JulietMarie / 10/10/2014 at 3:12pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML

by SaintGoobers / 10/06/2014 at 4:24pm / United States (New York) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my dad forgot I was on the back of his motorbike. He did a wheelie and I fell off. FML

by Katthebamf / 09/28/2014 at 10:25am / United Kingdom (St. Helens) / Transportation

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while working as a teacher at a daycare, a two year-old girl decided the best way to share that she had pooped was to reach in her diaper and attempt to hand some to me. FML

by disgusted / 09/25/2014 at 12:03am / United States (Maine) / Kids

Today, I saw my boyfriend wiping his nose with his hand and then using the snot to gel back his hair. FML

by danceinconverse / 09/23/2014 at 2:04pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my dad picked me up from school, something he'll be doing while my broken leg heals. He thought it'd be hilarious to arrive early and ask the staff where his "crippled" son was, loudly saying I'd broken my leg in a "masturbation-related accident". FML

by Anonymous / 09/16/2014 at 12:18pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Health

Today, I sat in on a university-level physics lecture, listening to my hyped-up co-students approximating the hypothetical situation of the Sun consisting of gerbils. The conversation then continued towards how much better energy/mass ratio the gerbil-sun would have compared to the actual star. FML

Today, I saw my teacher using her phone in the middle of class, so to joke around with her, seeing as we're on pretty good terms, I said: "Using your phone in class? For shame." She looks me in the eyes and says, "Would it be ok if I told you I'm arranging my father's funeral?" FML

by lolwut / 09/11/2014 at 2:33am / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, someone in my class referred to the September 11th attacks as "Nine-Elevs". FML

by no / 09/10/2014 at 9:47pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend went shopping at Victoria's Secret with me. While she was in the fitting room, her parents walked by and saw me. They don't approve of the store, so I panicked and told them I was considering becoming a woman. FML

by Anonymous / 09/09/2014 at 11:16pm / United States (California) / Love