Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

TheTwistedOtaku

Search for a member

TheTwistedOtaku
  • Town/Country : Baltimore, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 31 July 1995 (18 years)
  • Number of visits : 1604
  • Number of comments : 58
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About TheTwistedOtaku : Follow me on Instagram -
Kayra_Marie

TheTwistedOtaku's last visitors

person961Amelia_Jones237Sinester69MyNameIsLaughterloveexgirljasonmartigerfishfairy1775MrsPegg

TheTwistedOtaku's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

See all of TheTwistedOtaku's badges

TheTwistedOtaku's favorite FMLs

Today, I went on a date, and within the first five minutes, he said, "Before we go any further and get anymore serious, you need to know a few things, I have kissed a guy drunk because it was a dare, and have a $400 silk rose Victoria's Secret blanket." FML

#6128327
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24121) - you deserved it (4857)

On 11/02/2009 at 10:41pm - misc - by Shawty (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, a friend asked me if I'd buy him some condoms because he's too shy to buy them himself. I obliged and whilst queuing at the till to buy them I felt someone tap my shoulder. I turned around to see my fiancée glaring at me. We don't use condoms. FML

#5971935
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38655) - you deserved it (5850)

On 10/24/2009 at 9:14am - love - by Oops (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, for my two month anniversary, my boyfriend surprised me with a "present". He then lifted his pant leg. He had carved my initials into his leg with a knife. FML

#5937926
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47416) - you deserved it (4556)

On 10/21/2009 at 11:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I learned that being a twin really isn't that cool. After laughing at my twin brother for getting a speeding ticket he turns to me and says "It's not mine." Confused, I look at the ticket and see my name. He used my license. FML

#5913755
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41010) - you deserved it (3817)

On 10/20/2009 at 3:03pm - misc - by Twinner (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I made a tuna sandwich. It was really nice , so I looked at the label to see what brand it was. Turns out it wasn't tuna. It was fancy cat food. FML

#5636942
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10886) - you deserved it (38675)

On 10/04/2009 at 3:50am - animals - by Rizzle (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, my crush was talking to me on Facebook. He said, "Did you know that 99% of the time a guy is talking to a girl it's because he wants to go out with her? Yeah, well, this is that 1%." FML

#5579906
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38223) - you deserved it (3040)

On 10/01/2009 at 2:59am - love - by Icy (woman) - United States (Washington) - moderated by Kevin Nealon

Today, before class I was trying to prove I can twist myself like the people on the front of my anatomy textbook, I got onto a table and twisted my ankles behind my head. Everyone seemed impressed until I farted so loudly that it echoed in the hallway. I couldn't get my legs unstuck. FML

#5050946
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13617) - you deserved it (42486)

On 09/04/2009 at 11:07pm - misc - by flexibleflatulance (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I posted a status update on Facebook about how much I liked the Season Finale of NBC's "Heroes". My hand slipped to the right and it came out as "I really love Herpes. It's much better than everyone says it is". I didn't notice for few hours. FML

#4774065
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18920) - you deserved it (35603)

On 08/24/2009 at 12:28am - misc - by NotThatKind (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I ran over a cat while driving home. I tried to keep myself together but couldn't help but cry because of how bad I felt. Through my tears I failed to notice a porcupine in the middle of the road. Yep, I hit him too. FML

#4618349
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43859) - you deserved it (13209)

On 08/18/2009 at 1:02am - animals - by anugla (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, while I was walking downtown a homeless person asked me for a dollar. I thought it would be funny to wave the dollar in his face and taunt him. I guess he thought it would be funny to stab me in the leg with a pencil. FML

#4331370
816 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20517) - you deserved it (462937)

On 08/06/2009 at 9:35am - misc - by who_could_it_be - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to my grandfathers' funeral. As I stood there, bawling my eyes out, my aunt came over and put her arm around me. She leaned her head close to mine. I assumed she was going to say something comforting, instead she asked where I'd bought my shoes from. FML

#4251374
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39760) - you deserved it (2694)

On 08/03/2009 at 8:04am - misc - by whitneyy (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML

#4235904
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61163) - you deserved it (4976)

On 08/02/2009 at 6:45pm - health - by theregoesmyspermcount (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, this guy I have been hanging out with for a while came over and we were about to do it. He pulled off my clothes and once I was naked I reached for his zipper. He just backed up and said he was a virgin and simply wanted to see me naked. FML

#4191218
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51862) - you deserved it (10338)

On 07/31/2009 at 8:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to go through the embarrassment and pain of telling my parents I was pregnant. I took the test and it came out positive and I was freaking out. I got grounded for the rest of the year and they're really disappointed in me. Five minutes ago, I got my period. FML

#3676962
367 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46239) - you deserved it (20571)

On 07/11/2009 at 9:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boss told me he is a superhero. He has written countless comics about his crusades and adventures. I make fifty dollars an hour less than him. FML

#3494864
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34990) - you deserved it (3629)

On 07/05/2009 at 12:53am - money - by iloveZELOS (woman) - United States



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: