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TheThirdi's favorite FMLs
by not a dick-man / 08/12/2014 at 1:05pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, I heard my sister gagging in her room. She was doing it quietly, and I got pretty concerned, after hearing a lot about bulimia recently. I knocked, then heard a gasp, so I let myself in, only to see her on her knees and her boyfriend with his underwear around his ankles. FML
by Anonymous / 08/09/2014 at 3:29pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
by freakedout / 08/08/2014 at 10:43am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I went out to lunch with my girlfriend. I asked if she was going to finish her meal, hoping to steal a bite or two. She somehow took this as me calling her fat, threw her drink at me, and stormed off. I just wanted some steak. FML
by Jeff / 07/15/2014 at 4:37pm / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 07/11/2014 at 7:03am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by fredfredburger / 06/25/2014 at 1:45pm / United States (Missouri) / Love
Today, marks the third week since my sister's guinea pig learned to masturbate. He humps his wheel and makes squeaking noises for five minutes, then rolls over on his side and pants heavily. He does it at least twice a night while I'm trying to sleep. FML
by Anonomous / 12/28/2013 at 7:31pm / United States (Vermont) / Animals
by Awkward / 12/04/2013 at 5:29pm / United States (Washington) / Kids
by secretsmakefriends / 10/15/2013 at 5:43pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by Screwed Up / 05/09/2013 at 1:30am / United States / Health
Today, I have the flu. I had to wash the dishes, cook dinner, take out the trash, and take care of the laundry, all while my wife sat around watching TV, because she was "too tired". I work 8 hours a day. She's a college student. She doesn't see what's so unfair about this. FML
by Anonymous / 03/16/2013 at 2:55pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/27/2013 at 5:44pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Intimacy
by anonymous / 10/09/2012 at 1:53am / United States / Kids
Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook. I unplugged the second monitor so I could lie on my bed. Instead of defaulting to the screen, Airplay somehow synced it to the living room TV, where the rest of my family was watching a movie. FML
by WhyAppleWhy / 09/01/2012 at 7:14pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through a text message. In retaliation, I started typing a long list of everything I hate about her. Just as I pressed the send button, she text me again saying "Just joking. You know I'd never leave you. Love you babe :)" FML
by Autocorrected / 03/04/2012 at 12:02am / Philippines (Bulacan) / Love
- Today, I woke up naked next to my gay roommate after a night of drinking. Neither he nor I remember… Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, she asked me to whisper her name. Apparently, her… Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!"…
- Today, my best friend of 12 years told me she couldn't attend my wedding. What was so important to… Today, I found out my hours at work were getting cut and given to another employee. Not only are my… Today, I ran an experiment perfectly in lab. I was the last in my class to finish and proud of how…