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TheSleeper1

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TheSleeper1

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  • Number of visits : 456
  • Number of comments : 2
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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TheSleeper1's page activity

Visits<b>els2010</b> - the 02/26/2015 at 7:51pm<b>TEZZ</b> - the 11/16/2014 at 3:38pm<b>drumsandbrian</b> - the 09/25/2014 at 10:52pm<b>petergoh</b> - the 08/04/2014 at 2:23am<b>treesup</b> - the 08/03/2014 at 12:32am<b>Junekassndra</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 9:35pm

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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

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TheSleeper1's favorite FMLs

Today, while cleaning my son's room, I found an envelope labelled "PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL" under his bed. I opened it, only to find it was a glitter bomb. I couldn't get it all cleaned off myself before he got home. He just said "HAH! Serves you right!" and went to his room smirking. FML

#21365242
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15525) - you deserved it (46823)

On 02/28/2015 at 1:11pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I had a talk with my daughter about how I hope her first boyfriend is a special one because 'spending the night' with a boy is a big deal. She replied with a giggle, "Mom, I lost my virginity in a parking lot three years ago!" FML

#21362728
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31148) - you deserved it (6722)

On 02/24/2015 at 5:25pm - intimacy - by Like mother like daughter (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I came home from work to find that my girlfriend had sold all of my N64 and Atari games and both the consoles and bought me a PS4 with the money. While I was standing there in shock, she kissed me on the cheek and said, "I know, I'm the greatest." FML

#21361122
456 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42962) - you deserved it (3992)

On 02/22/2015 at 3:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at a family gathering with my boyfriend. Jokingly, my grandmother swatted my butt to get me to move. Out of habit, I moaned quite loudly. FML

#21358985
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17363) - you deserved it (29654)

On 02/19/2015 at 12:45am - intimacy - by heymacie (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my thundercunt of a neighbor, who's hated me since I moved in, called the cops on me. He told them he saw me shooting up on drugs. I'm diabetic and was injecting insulin, which he could only have seen by spying on me through my living room window. FML

#21355411
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33579) - you deserved it (1834)

On 02/13/2015 at 3:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, my fiancée told me about her new diet. Apparently, she is only going to drink water and tan in a tanning bed so she can photosynthesise. She thinks this will help her lose weight, since she doesn't have to eat anything. I'm dating a dumbass. FML

Today, at dinner, my downstair's neighbors described how they can listen to most of my movements, including the buzz of my phone when I text late at night. I think all of us knew it is not my phone that vibrates at that time. FML

#21343273
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30123) - you deserved it (4614)

On 01/24/2015 at 2:57am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, what a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. FML

#21342921
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38142) - you deserved it (6708)

On 01/23/2015 at 2:25pm - kids - by nosexforthee (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first handjob. I was nervous, so when she went to do it, I panicked and yelled, "Firmly grasp it!" She then couldn't stop laughing because it was a line from SpongeBob. FML

Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets more pleasure out of using a Q-tip than he does having sex with me. FML

#21333219
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32713) - you deserved it (4824)

On 01/08/2015 at 9:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Estonia (Harjumaa)

Today, I woke up to the lovely sounds of goats having escaped their pen and climbed onto the roof. Again. FML

Today, my boss at my new call center job said he'd gotten complaints about me. Apparently I sound "too black" and it's "upsetting" some of our customers. I don't know what that even means, but my boss said I need to "tone it down or we're gonna have some problems". FML

#21310827
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35763) - you deserved it (3213)

On 12/03/2014 at 4:21pm - work - by WTF - United States (Texas)

Today, I realized my anger management has hit a new low when I screamed at a goose for being a goose. FML

#21309384
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27788) - you deserved it (7520)

On 12/01/2014 at 11:38am - misc - by WickedLittleDoll - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

#21290417
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38386) - you deserved it (10824)

On 11/02/2014 at 10:36am - intimacy - by jay-frey96 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

#21288518
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28603) - you deserved it (24014)

On 10/30/2014 at 4:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)



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