About ThePolloBandito : FINLAND!
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ThePolloBandito's favorite FMLs
Today, I found out my late grandfather left me a significant amount of money in his will. I thought it was weird because he always acted like he hated me. When I got the envelope, there was $500,000 inside, all in Monopoly money. FML
by Rachel / 07/20/2012 at 1:13am / United States / Money
Today, I got into a debate with my boyfriend over whether or not oral sex was considered sex. I stood firm that it was not. Apparently, he took this as permission, as later that night I walked in on him not having sex with my sister. FML
by oops / 07/15/2012 at 1:34am / United States / Intimacy
Today, my dad was making coffee for the family. Half-way through, he excused himself to the bathroom, so for a laugh, I discreetly poured a load of salt into his drink. When he served us, I drank a mouthful and doubled over hacking. My dad barked, "I wasn't born yesterday, son." FML
by Anonymous / 07/14/2012 at 4:10pm / Nigeria (Lagos) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was fired for telling a customer's kid to shut his mouth. As revenge, I sent the CEO a picture I acquired months ago of my boss drunkenly pissing on a cow. He wrote that it was the funniest thing he had ever seen, and that I am "clearly an insufferable killjoy; a total liability to the company." FML
by Alexander D. / 07/13/2012 at 8:48pm / United States / Work
Today, I'm still freshly circumcised. My penis is still very sensitive, and I can't squat to grab stuff off the floor because of the pressure against my jeans. Kicking the objects up into my hands was working well, that is until I spilled a pack of 300 toothpicks all over the floor. FML
by Anonymous / 07/13/2012 at 7:14pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
by Marjorie / 07/13/2012 at 1:08pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by Anonymous / 07/05/2012 at 12:01am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML
by audreyav / 06/30/2012 at 4:10am / United States (Oregon) / Animals
Today, I saw a large spider carry away the body of a dead spider in the bathroom. In my anthropology class, we learned one of the first signs of civilization is caring for the dead. First, they become civilized, and next, they take over. I will never sleep again. FML
by BloodFaerie / 06/30/2012 at 2:49am / United States (Georgia) / Animals
Today, I saw my girlfriend walking hand-in-hand down the street with another man. When I confronted her, she claimed she had no idea who I was, and the guy told me to beat it. Later on, she returned to our apartment and actually tried to act as if nothing had happened. FML
by Anonymous / 06/29/2012 at 9:06pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I found out just how easy it is to be launched against the wall and sucker-punched into oblivion by a 200-pound former Marine turned professional body-builder. I discovered this after I told my fiancée's dad that we were expecting a baby. FML
by fuckjuggalos / 06/29/2012 at 7:57pm / United States (Oregon) / Health
Today, I let my daughter bake a cake for her brother's fifth birthday party. She showed up later with a cake in the shape of a cock and balls. Apparently it's okay, though, because "I frosted it to look like a rocket, hehehe!" I can't believe my balls spawned this moron. FML
by Nick / 06/29/2012 at 5:39pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids
- Today, I slept through a major test and emailed my professor if I could take it in the next class.… Today, I told my girlfriend of a year a loved her. She replied with "cool" and asked me to pass her… Today, after weeks of planning a romantic dinner, and an intimate evening in with my boyfriend, the…