About ThePolloBandito : FINLAND!
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This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
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ThePolloBandito's favorite FMLs
Today, at the bank where I work, I escorted a very short woman to her safe deposit box in the vault. I left her alone, knowing she could use the phone to call the reception when she was ready to leave. We later realised the phone was too high for her to reach. If glares could kill. FML
by norina / 02/11/2014 at 5:01am / Work
Today, something ran across my foot while I was on the toilet. Hearing me scream, my husband ran in. We now have a new "pet" mouse named Jerry that I am not allowed to kill under threat of divorce. FML
by ZombiexIce / 02/09/2014 at 10:22pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon after I had explained to her how scared I was of the exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML
by so scared / 02/08/2014 at 12:13pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/22/2013 at 12:47pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love
Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML
by IamAflyingCat / 10/22/2013 at 5:12am / United States / Animals
by Anonymous / 10/21/2013 at 5:22pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, I woke up with a raging hangover. I soon checked my phone, only to find that I'd drunkenly sent nude pictures to several friends' numbers, as well as to my own. I'd then replied to my own message, saying that I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off. FML
by Anonymous / 10/18/2013 at 1:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to a very unpleasant feeling. Apparently, the tattoo I got on my arm a couple of days ago attracted hundreds of ants during its healing process. They were literally carrying away pieces of my skin. I can not get the feeling or image out of my head. FML
by aly55a_mariie / 08/20/2013 at 3:04pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by FamilyLoving / 08/19/2013 at 12:00pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my band informed me that our gig this afternoon was actually a wedding. Whose wedding? My ex-wife's, along with the guy she cheated on me with. For their first dance, I had to sing what used to be our song. FML
by Love stinks / 08/19/2013 at 9:06am / United States / Love
by mamaflower / 08/19/2013 at 4:03am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by Ben / 08/19/2013 at 2:21am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 08/19/2013 at 1:41am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by Katthebamf / 08/18/2013 at 7:33pm / United Kingdom (York) / Work
Today, after an argument with my wife, I stormed out of our bedroom through the sliding doors to the balcony. Only there was no balcony, because it still hasn't been replaced yet. I'm now laid-up in hospital. FML
by Anonymous / 08/18/2013 at 4:13pm / Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz) / Health