TheHeavyOne

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Offline (the 08/30/2015 at 1:43am)

TheHeavyOne

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 810
  • Number of comments : 86
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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TheHeavyOne's page activity

Visits<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/19/2015 at 8:14pm<b>TiddlesWiddles</b> - the 05/13/2015 at 3:52pm<b>endurancefan212</b> - the 01/30/2015 at 8:31pm<b>Miss_Brii</b> - the 10/29/2014 at 4:39am<b>TrippingOnAcid</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 7:53am<b>ayeyoitsgi</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 5:05pm<b>XcuzimsotiredX</b> - the 05/14/2014 at 3:59pm<b>CaffieneKing</b> - the 04/13/2014 at 11:22am<b>Rababco</b> - the 01/01/2014 at 4:07pm<b>Fernando83</b> - the 11/02/2013 at 1:58am<b>BradTheBrony</b> - the 10/12/2013 at 8:13pm<b>FailBear920</b> - the 10/11/2013 at 8:38pm<b>Live4funny</b> - the 09/13/2013 at 9:21am<b>scottishchris</b> - the 09/07/2013 at 11:54am<b>neeni88</b> - the 08/23/2013 at 1:13pm<b>intheheart</b> - the 08/23/2013 at 11:18am<b>stangluv</b> - the 08/16/2013 at 4:46pm<b>Pwib</b> - the 08/14/2013 at 12:55am

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/20/2015 at 2:14am

TheHeavyOne's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

See all of TheHeavyOne's badges

TheHeavyOne's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad sitting on the toilet, blind drunk. He screamed "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at me. I just wanted to shave. FML

by :/ / 11/05/2013 at 4:01pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I worked 24 hours straight fixing my company's servers. After it was over, I breathed a huge sigh of relief and promptly fell asleep at my desk. My boss found me an hour later, refused to listen to me, and fired me for sleeping on the job. FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2013 at 5:01am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML

by Undercooked / 09/24/2013 at 3:08pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend suggested that we become "drug dealers" because I'm a chemistry student and he's seen a few episodes of Breaking Bad. FML

by Bnewlove / 07/31/2013 at 12:50am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to get intimate for the first time. He said he didn't want to use a condom, and that I should just give him one of my birth control pills instead, "so we can still be just as safe". What the hell? FML

by what the fuck / 06/07/2013 at 5:20pm / United Kingdom (Ealing) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML

by RedWaters / 03/06/2013 at 3:20pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, while I was shaving my nether regions, my trimmer slipped and ate a chunk out of my balls, right beside a vein. I've been bleeding on and off for an hour, and the New Skin I tried isn't able to dry quickly enough. FML

by Anonymous / 02/24/2013 at 2:58pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. Right as she orgasmed, she screamed out Megatron's name. When I later confronted her about this, she said that she always had a crush on him and wanted to be queen of the Decepticons. I've been dating this lunatic for a year and half now. FML

by Loserbot / 09/03/2012 at 9:02pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook. I unplugged the second monitor so I could lie on my bed. Instead of defaulting to the screen, Airplay somehow synced it to the living room TV, where the rest of my family was watching a movie. FML

by WhyAppleWhy / 09/01/2012 at 7:14pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML

by pride? what's that? :( / 08/31/2012 at 8:23pm / Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend said that we should try something new. I got excited because I thought it would be about sex. Nope, she wanted me to start speaking with animal noises so we could build up a secret language. FML

by SwAGkiLlS / 07/15/2012 at 11:12am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, my husband went nuts. He's quit his job and set out building an amateur bomb shelter in our backyard. According to him, there's "substantial evidence" that cannibalism is on the rise across the country, and that "it's gonna be like Resident Evil out there, babe." FML

by why... / 06/05/2012 at 1:21pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I walked into my bathroom to find my girlfriend applying my deodorant. This would have been fine, if she wasn't applying it to her mouth. I don't think deodorant helps with bad breath, but a quick Google search shows that it does help with herpes. FML

by neednewdeoderant / 12/13/2011 at 9:39pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML

by awesomekidsmum / 09/17/2011 at 9:20pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, my 5 year old son and I went out. As I was looking in the window display of a shop, I turned around to witness my son pooping in an open manhole on the street. FML

by Anonymous / 11/04/2010 at 7:54pm / United States (Texas) / Kids