TheElBurrrito

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Offline (the 06/14/2015 at 9:34am)

TheElBurrrito

4Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 3 August 1988 (28 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 7028
  • Number of comments : 89
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About TheElBurrrito : The picture says it all. Boobs (a.k.a. succulent dairy holders for babies and grown men) and video games. Xbox to be more exact. I don't see any other reason for living........ Calm down, I'm actually not a shallow person. My sense of humor is a little bit on the inappropriate side, so don't take offense to any jokes I make. I'm not good at this whole "about me" thing, and I honestly think this is maybe the third time I've ever done this. Dallas Mavericks, video games and Batman is all you need to get my attention. If this peeks your interest or just want to talk, feel free to message away. I'm not really sure how to end these things, so I'll just say......

TheElBurrrito's page activity

Visits<b>TheZombieGirl</b> - the 05/28/2016 at 3:55pm<b>Benmantha</b> - the 05/05/2016 at 5:15am<b>Loewe90</b> - the 04/16/2016 at 3:33pm<b>oliv34</b> - the 01/19/2016 at 2:06am<b>One_Way</b> - the 09/26/2015 at 1:01am<b>Bdrapes15</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 9:17pm<b>raesos91</b> - the 07/24/2015 at 9:55am<b>jack_jill05</b> - the 07/10/2015 at 3:01am<b>Advising</b> - the 07/05/2015 at 2:55am<b>jsb1426</b> - the 06/27/2015 at 10:32am<b>qjdb</b> - the 06/24/2015 at 8:17am<b>sethr_di</b> - the 06/19/2015 at 5:33pm<b>Monday_funday</b> - the 06/13/2015 at 4:12pm<b>Aly_donawho</b> - the 06/07/2015 at 1:33am<b>racello13</b> - the 05/31/2015 at 6:10pm<b>Cautocracy</b> - the 05/29/2015 at 10:26pm<b>Logicscmogic</b> - the 05/17/2015 at 1:54pm<b>quinzxl</b> - the 05/16/2015 at 4:37pm

Fucked!<b>Loewe90</b> - the 04/16/2016 at 9:34pm<b>Bdrapes15</b> - the 07/31/2015 at 3:18am<b>Cautocracy</b> - the 05/30/2015 at 4:26am<b>quinzxl</b> - the 05/16/2015 at 10:37pm

TheElBurrrito's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

See all of TheElBurrrito's badges

TheElBurrrito's favorite FMLs

Today, my dad was teasing me, saying a guy would have to be blind to go on a date with me. I then introduced him to my new, visually impaired boyfriend. He hasn't stopped laughing. FML

by Anonymous / 06/13/2013 at 8:30pm / United Kingdom (Southampton) / Love

Today, I accidentally left some music playing on my iPad, then left to do some errands. When I came back, I found it smashed into a million pieces. Apparently, grandpa couldn't find any other way to "shut off that goddamn music." FML

by MsGlaDos / 06/12/2013 at 5:45pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend asked if I could grow out my pubic hair since I usually wax it. He said his mom has a full bush and he always thought it looks better that way. FML

by notyourmom / 06/11/2013 at 8:00am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML

by Anonymous / 06/07/2013 at 3:10am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend of six days proposed to me. FML

by The Clitshank Redemption / 06/05/2013 at 7:11pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Love

Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His only words were, "This isn't what it looks like." FML

by Thanks Honey / 06/05/2013 at 11:08am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was making love to my fiancée, when she dug her nails into my back and told me to "choke" her like I did last night. I was at work last night. FML

by Anonymous / 06/01/2013 at 3:51am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML

by Samprib / 06/01/2013 at 1:09am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy

Today, I had to eat up a few specks of toilet paper to avoid spoiling "the moment" with my girlfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 05/29/2013 at 3:17am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy

Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML

by Anonymous / 05/27/2013 at 6:15pm / United States (Utah) / Kids

Today, I was helping my father-in-law out at a family barbecue. Somehow, the topic turned to grand-children, at which point I confessed that my wife has been having trouble conceiving. His response was to boom: "Sure you've been putting it in the right hole, son?!" FML

by um... maybe / 03/12/2013 at 6:43pm / United Kingdom / Kids

Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my router. He asked for a glass of water, one thing led to another, and for some reason I'll never fully understand, we ended up having sex. Looks like porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. FML

by je_regrette_tout / 03/09/2013 at 1:50pm / Intimacy

Today, I had to spend a few hours in a hospital with a toddler and a preschooler projecting vomit all over, because my husband thinks "expiration dates are for pussies." FML

by Anonymous / 02/18/2013 at 2:44am / Canada (Quebec) / Kids

Today, my girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for 3 years. She's pregnant. I'm a virgin. FML

by Nick / 07/08/2011 at 1:19am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I was propositioned by an incredibly pretty girl. I'm a 24 year old virgin; she's my best mate's girlfriend. She tells him everything when drunk, and he's a black-belt in karate. This could officially be classified as torture. FML

by Junktown / 07/07/2011 at 10:40am / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Love