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TheElBurrrito

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TheElBurrrito
  • Town/Country : Dallas, TX, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 3 August 1988 (25 years)
  • Number of visits : 1670
  • Number of comments : 84
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About TheElBurrrito : The picture says it all. Boobs (a.k.a. succulent dairy holders for babies and grown men) and video games. Xbox to be more exact. I don't see any other reason for living........ Calm down, I'm actually not a shallow person. My sense of humor is a little bit on the inappropriate side, so don't take offense to any jokes I make. I'm not good at this whole "about me" thing, and I honestly think this is maybe the third time I've ever done this. Dallas Mavericks, video games and Batman is all you need to get my attention. If this peeks your interest or just want to talk, feel free to message away. I'm not really sure how to end these things, so I'll just say......

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TheElBurrrito's FML badges

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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TheElBurrrito's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever suck my penis. FML

#16277810
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52229) - you deserved it (7877)

On 05/21/2011 at 5:07am - intimacy - by no one - United States (Alaska)

Today, I asked my husband, of only a year, why we don't have sex anymore. He said it's because he masturbates. When I asked how often he did it, he replied "Every day that we don't have sex..." FML

#16277359
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30954) - you deserved it (8721)

On 05/21/2011 at 3:18am - intimacy - by btswc - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I got motion sickness while having sex. FML

#16265516
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36225) - you deserved it (5968)

On 05/20/2011 at 10:39am - intimacy - by mikeycoco -

Today, it was my first day as an animal control officer. My first dispatch was to collect a dog that had been hit by a car. I had to clean up my dead dog on my first day of a job that barely pays rent. FML

#16245376
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46813) - you deserved it (2842)

On 05/18/2011 at 10:48pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was at Walmart with my mom, when a guy next to me let out a series of vicious farts. Assuming it was me, my mom chewed me out in front of the guy and made me apologize. The man looked at my mom and said, "Children, they're so immature." FML

#16237035
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39554) - you deserved it (3263)

On 05/18/2011 at 12:08pm - misc - by nicknick2 (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today, after fifth block, I decided to go for a little walk. Apparently so did my boyfriend and best friend. I found them together under the stairs with her head in his crotch. She said she was looking for her contacts. His pants were pulled down. FML

#16237005
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50861) - you deserved it (3925)

On 05/18/2011 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by levi69 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, after fifth block, I decided to go for a little walk. Apparently so did my boyfriend and best friend. I found them together under the stairs with her head in his crotch. She said she was looking for her contacts. His pants were pulled down. FML

#16237005
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50861) - you deserved it (3925)

On 05/18/2011 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by levi69 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, we got a new dry-erase board, and I drew the Gotham City skyline complete with the Bat Signal. Later, I went downstairs, only to find my mom had written "BATMAN'S GAY" over the top of the picture. FML

#16235251
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25104) - you deserved it (9375)

On 05/18/2011 at 7:47am - misc - by Anon (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I won the lottery. My ex-girlfriend has the ticket. I just broke up with her. FML

#16221973
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44288) - you deserved it (23155)

On 05/17/2011 at 1:34pm - money - by anonymous - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I posted my status on Facebook as "slightly hungover." My grandma commented on it with "liar, you were helping me clean last night." She's right. FML

#16221236
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12051) - you deserved it (61056)

On 05/17/2011 at 12:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I got a boner in the MRI machine while my pelvic bone was being scanned. FML

#16218945
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40705) - you deserved it (6949)

On 05/17/2011 at 6:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, I had a parent-teacher conference with my 8 year old son. He'd written "Chuck Norris" as the answer for every question on his test. FML

#16217085
438 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35537) - you deserved it (9882)

On 05/17/2011 at 12:54am - kids - by yobruh -

Today, I had a parent-teacher conference with my 8 year old son. He'd written "Chuck Norris" as the answer for every question on his test. FML

#16217085
438 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35537) - you deserved it (9882)

On 05/17/2011 at 12:54am - kids - by yobruh -

Today, I updated my facebook status as "lost all contacts, need numbers". My mom commented saying "her phone didn't get reset, she just doesn't have any friends". Her comment got 32 likes. FML

#16216405
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42606) - you deserved it (7656)

On 05/17/2011 at 12:05am - misc - by Username -

Today, my phone alarm woke me up. It had fallen under my boyfriend's bed. Naked, I got on all fours to retrieve it. My boyfriend's dog stuck his nose in my ass. FML

#16101317
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38717) - you deserved it (16718)

On 05/09/2011 at 2:08am - intimacy - by coldwetnose (woman) - United States



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