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TheElBurrrito

Offline (the 11/21/2014 at 9:55pm) | Search for a member

TheElBurrrito

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 3 August 1988 (26 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3412
  • Number of comments : 89
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About TheElBurrrito : The picture says it all. Boobs (a.k.a. succulent dairy holders for babies and grown men) and video games. Xbox to be more exact. I don't see any other reason for living........ Calm down, I'm actually not a shallow person. My sense of humor is a little bit on the inappropriate side, so don't take offense to any jokes I make. I'm not good at this whole "about me" thing, and I honestly think this is maybe the third time I've ever done this. Dallas Mavericks, video games and Batman is all you need to get my attention. If this peeks your interest or just want to talk, feel free to message away. I'm not really sure how to end these things, so I'll just say......

TheElBurrrito's page activity

Visits<b>Sassy_Kitten96</b> - the 11/24/2014 at 12:20am<b>rocketiquette</b> - the 11/22/2014 at 2:49pm<b>jack_jill05</b> - the 10/19/2014 at 10:50am<b>hellraisedfire</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 6:47am<b>laamjidkek</b> - the 10/02/2014 at 3:02am<b>Zarniclopsindorf</b> - the 09/30/2014 at 5:54pm<b>bad_luck3</b> - the 09/23/2014 at 11:07pm<b>MARGIE9</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 9:53am<b>expertsmilee</b> - the 09/05/2014 at 3:11am<b>ryanntasia</b> - the 09/03/2014 at 9:21am<b>sometimessam</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 5:41pm<b>JuliaaNoelle</b> - the 08/11/2014 at 2:20pm<b>iMeowchu</b> - the 08/10/2014 at 10:22am<b>lifein2014</b> - the 08/09/2014 at 3:07pm<b>shade19</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 5:25pm<b>Journiexo</b> - the 08/05/2014 at 3:01pm<b>killer0689</b> - the 07/31/2014 at 5:50am<b>TrackGirl19</b> - the 07/29/2014 at 1:43pm

TheElBurrrito's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

See all of TheElBurrrito's badges

TheElBurrrito's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML

#20787584
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57200) - you deserved it (6782)

On 07/17/2013 at 12:48am - animals - by anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend was sitting on my lap at a birthday party. She thought it would be funny to fart. I came instantly. FML

#20785133
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59540) - you deserved it (21008)

On 07/15/2013 at 9:42pm - intimacy - by needsnewshorts (man) - United States (California)

Today, I placed a Bible app next to an app I use for porn, in the hope that it will encourage me to watch less porn. I'm a girl. FML

Today, after I got turned down for yet another job, my dad glanced up at me and casually remarked that porn is always a stable market. FML

#20776199
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56047) - you deserved it (5967)

On 07/11/2013 at 3:50pm - intimacy - by fucked up dad (woman) - Romania (Bucuresti)

Today, I went to my local pool. I lay down in a chair and started tanning. About 30 minutes later, a lady came up to me and said, "Put that away, you pervert, there are children here!" I had a hole in my pants and my penis had started to poke through. FML

#20772281
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52251) - you deserved it (21124)

On 07/09/2013 at 12:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, while at the doctor's, a week overdue with my first child, I was told that sex and orgasms can sometimes help to induce labor. On the way home, my boyfriend asked for road head, arguing that "She said that stuff about orgasms." Not you, honey. FML

#20770510
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56564) - you deserved it (6531)

On 07/08/2013 at 1:03pm - intimacy - by realitybites (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my husband wanted to try anal for the first time. His attempt to sound romantic was him saying, "Open your buns, the meat is ready." FML

#20767385
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55042) - you deserved it (7750)

On 07/06/2013 at 5:21pm - intimacy - by hamburger - United States (Michigan)

Today, I poured my heart out to my now ex-girlfriend over the recent passing away of my grandmother. Her eyes glazed over multiple times, and when I said that I don't know how to cope with everything, her advice was simply, "Shotgun. Mouth. Blam." FML

#20766944
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50075) - you deserved it (4702)

On 07/06/2013 at 12:13pm - love - by Anonymous - Lithuania (Vilniaus Apskritis)

Today, I got home from work early and discovered why my 17-year-old daughter's sprained elbow isn't getting any better after weeks of treatment. She can't stop giving handjobs. FML

#20764944
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67080) - you deserved it (7914)

On 07/05/2013 at 10:26am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was on a movie date with my boyfriend, when he asked for a handjob. I thought I was doing well until he sighed, took my hand off, and said he could finish on his own. FML

#20761555
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52706) - you deserved it (17063)

On 07/03/2013 at 12:25pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, my boyfriend told me to completely shave off all of my already-groomed pubic area because, "It looks so unnatural." Ignoring the obvious lack of logic, I asked him why he keeps his totally ungroomed. Turns out "Men having hair is okay. Women aren't supposed to, though." FML

#20759121
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50141) - you deserved it (12163)

On 07/02/2013 at 12:37am - intimacy - by yeshehaspornaddiction (woman) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, while at work, a creepy guy blatantly stared at my chest for a good 40 seconds. Finally snapping out of his trance, he said with a wink, "You forgot your name tag." He was right. FML

#20757330
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38086) - you deserved it (4870)

On 07/01/2013 at 1:49am - work - by Neveragain (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was explaining to my son that porn isn't a realistic depiction of sex. Just as I finished explaining to him that threesomes rarely happen in real life, he started crying. I feel like a dream-crushing monster. FML

#20756438
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48275) - you deserved it (9361)

On 06/30/2013 at 5:44pm - kids - by sorry, kiddo (man) - Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest)

Today, at a family reunion, my visibly drunk grandparents heard about my new boyfriend, who is a cop. My gran asked if he ever made me feel like Rodney King in the bedroom. Then my grandpa, fresh off a DUI, asked if my boyfriend's dick is as bent as the police force. FML

#20727456
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40054) - you deserved it (3708)

On 06/15/2013 at 1:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my dad was teasing me, saying a guy would have to be blind to go on a date with me. I then introduced him to my new, visually impaired boyfriend. He hasn't stopped laughing. FML

#20724232
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53307) - you deserved it (6522)

On 06/13/2013 at 8:30pm - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Southampton)



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