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TheElBurrrito

Offline (the 11/21/2014 at 9:55pm) | Search for a member

TheElBurrrito

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 3 August 1988 (26 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3415
  • Number of comments : 89
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About TheElBurrrito : The picture says it all. Boobs (a.k.a. succulent dairy holders for babies and grown men) and video games. Xbox to be more exact. I don't see any other reason for living........ Calm down, I'm actually not a shallow person. My sense of humor is a little bit on the inappropriate side, so don't take offense to any jokes I make. I'm not good at this whole "about me" thing, and I honestly think this is maybe the third time I've ever done this. Dallas Mavericks, video games and Batman is all you need to get my attention. If this peeks your interest or just want to talk, feel free to message away. I'm not really sure how to end these things, so I'll just say......

TheElBurrrito's page activity

Visits<b>Sassy_Kitten96</b> - the 11/24/2014 at 12:20am<b>rocketiquette</b> - the 11/22/2014 at 2:49pm<b>jack_jill05</b> - the 10/19/2014 at 10:50am<b>hellraisedfire</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 6:47am<b>laamjidkek</b> - the 10/02/2014 at 3:02am<b>Zarniclopsindorf</b> - the 09/30/2014 at 5:54pm<b>bad_luck3</b> - the 09/23/2014 at 11:07pm<b>MARGIE9</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 9:53am<b>expertsmilee</b> - the 09/05/2014 at 3:11am<b>ryanntasia</b> - the 09/03/2014 at 9:21am<b>sometimessam</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 5:41pm<b>JuliaaNoelle</b> - the 08/11/2014 at 2:20pm<b>iMeowchu</b> - the 08/10/2014 at 10:22am<b>lifein2014</b> - the 08/09/2014 at 3:07pm<b>shade19</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 5:25pm<b>Journiexo</b> - the 08/05/2014 at 3:01pm<b>killer0689</b> - the 07/31/2014 at 5:50am<b>TrackGirl19</b> - the 07/29/2014 at 1:43pm

TheElBurrrito's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

See all of TheElBurrrito's badges

TheElBurrrito's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to put my little sister to bed. Usually my mom sings her a lullaby before she puts her to sleep, so I did too. After I finished the song, my sister looked me dead in the eyes and said, "This is why I tell people we aren't related." FML

#20826525
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45573) - you deserved it (5052)

On 08/08/2013 at 12:09am - kids - by NextAmericanIdol? - United States (Maryland)

Today, my mum picked up a bunch of tissues that were scattered around my room. She examined them, then asked me to stop wasting her potential grandchildren. FML

#20825949
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49462) - you deserved it (40448)

On 08/07/2013 at 6:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Egypt

Today, I was lifeguarding a pool party for a bunch of eight year olds. One of them decided it'd be funny to have a contest to see who could make the most bubbles with their farts. It led to three kids shitting themselves in the pool, and me having the dubious honor of cleaning it up. FML

#20823903
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57681) - you deserved it (4394)

On 08/06/2013 at 2:07pm - kids - by benjo - United States

Today, I walked in on my husband putting my anti-wrinkle cream on his balls. He said, "I thought it'd help." FML

#20822001
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48612) - you deserved it (4913)

On 08/05/2013 at 12:41pm - intimacy - by Serum - United States (Kansas)

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked down and saw blood smeared all over her hand and my junk. After I started screaming and crying, she laughed and said it was fake blood. She recorded everything. FML

#20820496
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68325) - you deserved it (9012)

On 08/04/2013 at 3:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers, when an elderly lady came up to me and murmured, "Make sure you use lots of lube, or that'll hurt. Been there, sweetheart." What the HELL? FML

#20817265
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56820) - you deserved it (5522)

On 08/02/2013 at 4:23pm - misc - by um... what the fuck, miss? (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I finally felt ready to make love to my boyfriend for the first time. It all went great, until I tried putting the condom on him. In the process, I managed to nick his penis not once, but three times with my nails. His eyes brimmed with tears and he completely lost his erection. FML

#20817205
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46384) - you deserved it (25326)

On 08/02/2013 at 3:44pm - intimacy - by fuck but no fuck (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, my husband begged me to go down on him while he sat on the toilet, taking a crap. He tried to convince me that we'd both somehow experience mind-blowing orgasms. FML

#20815318
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59282) - you deserved it (6549)

On 08/01/2013 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by countryblumpkin (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my 18-year-old daughter texted me and told me that she got in a car crash. She texted, "I forgot wich way wus left lol" and then quickly added "yolo right? Lol". FML

#20814697
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58993) - you deserved it (10553)

On 08/01/2013 at 2:21am - kids - by father of the year - United States

Today, my 10-year-old son told my 5-year-old daughter that we're a ghost family, and told her to run through our glass door to see for herself. She believed it, ran straight into the door, and ended up having to be taken to hospital. FML

#20813979
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54562) - you deserved it (5248)

On 07/31/2013 at 7:19pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Falkirk)

Today, my boyfriend and I were spooning in bed, nude, when I accidentally farted. He freaked out and asked in all seriousness if I was trying to give his dick pink-eye. FML

#20813792
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44742) - you deserved it (7399)

On 07/31/2013 at 5:23pm - misc - by -_____- (woman) - Netherlands

Today, I found out that when I text my boyfriend, he isn't the one to read them. Instead, he pays his friend to "keep the bitch busy." FML

#20813368
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59924) - you deserved it (6354)

On 07/31/2013 at 12:49pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, because I refused to shave off what my wife calls my "pedo 'stache", she painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van. FML

#20807393
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40862) - you deserved it (27544)

On 07/28/2013 at 12:59am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, ten minutes into a blind date, my date said, "I don't mean to be rude, but... your face? It's the reason booze was invented." FML

#20792695
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52137) - you deserved it (4359)

On 07/19/2013 at 4:57pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Korea, Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi)

Today, while lying in bed, my boyfriend began to stroke my nose. "You can pick your girlfriend, but you can't pick your girlfriend's nose," I said playfully. In response, he shouted "Yes, I can!" before painfully jamming his pinky up my left nostril. FML

#20789918
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39067) - you deserved it (13707)

On 07/18/2013 at 3:41am - misc - by booger (woman) - United States (Texas)



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