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TheElBurrrito

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TheElBurrrito
  • Town/Country : Dallas, TX, United States
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 3 August 1988 (25 years)
  • Number of visits : 1684
  • Number of comments : 84
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About TheElBurrrito : The picture says it all. Boobs (a.k.a. succulent dairy holders for babies and grown men) and video games. Xbox to be more exact. I don't see any other reason for living........ Calm down, I'm actually not a shallow person. My sense of humor is a little bit on the inappropriate side, so don't take offense to any jokes I make. I'm not good at this whole "about me" thing, and I honestly think this is maybe the third time I've ever done this. Dallas Mavericks, video games and Batman is all you need to get my attention. If this peeks your interest or just want to talk, feel free to message away. I'm not really sure how to end these things, so I'll just say......

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TheElBurrrito's FML badges

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You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

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You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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TheElBurrrito's favorite FMLs

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML

#20711208
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48325) - you deserved it (57904)

On 06/07/2013 at 3:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend of six days proposed to me. FML

#20708141
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76809) - you deserved it (10291)

On 06/05/2013 at 7:11pm - love - by The Clitshank Redemption (woman) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His only words were, "This isn't what it looks like." FML

#20707362
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49287) - you deserved it (4543)

On 06/05/2013 at 11:08am - misc - by Thanks Honey (woman) - United States

Today, I was making love to my fiancée, when she dug her nails into my back and told me to "choke" her like I did last night. I was at work last night. FML

#20698818
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74015) - you deserved it (4123)

On 06/01/2013 at 3:51am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML

#20698637
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63170) - you deserved it (17990)

On 06/01/2013 at 1:09am - intimacy - by Samprib (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I had to eat up a few specks of toilet paper to avoid spoiling "the moment" with my girlfriend. FML

#20692661
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60760) - you deserved it (13254)

On 05/29/2013 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML

#20689805
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42915) - you deserved it (3160)

On 05/27/2013 at 6:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was helping my father-in-law out at a family barbecue. Somehow, the topic turned to grand-children, at which point I confessed that my wife has been having trouble conceiving. His response was to boom: "Sure you've been putting it in the right hole, son?!" FML

#20541069
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29136) - you deserved it (3186)

On 03/12/2013 at 6:43pm - kids - by um... maybe (man) - United Kingdom

Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my router. He asked for a glass of water, one thing led to another, and for some reason I'll never fully understand, we ended up having sex. Looks like porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. FML

#20537010
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16531) - you deserved it (53578)

On 03/09/2013 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by je_regrette_tout (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had to spend a few hours in a hospital with a toddler and a preschooler projecting vomit all over, because my husband thinks "expiration dates are for pussies." FML

#20511774
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30000) - you deserved it (2907)

On 02/18/2013 at 2:44am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for 3 years. She's pregnant. I'm a virgin. FML

#17023153
344 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45910) - you deserved it (8355)

On 07/08/2011 at 1:19am - love - by Nick (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was propositioned by an incredibly pretty girl. I'm a 24 year old virgin; she's my best mate's girlfriend. She tells him everything when drunk, and he's a black-belt in karate. This could officially be classified as torture. FML

#17012885
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31618) - you deserved it (5237)

On 07/07/2011 at 10:40am - love - by Junktown (man) - Israel (Tel Aviv)

Today, my 15 year old girlfriend called to tell me she is pregnant. Her dad is ex-military, and makes a point of cleaning his guns every time I go to her house. FML

#17010843
704 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16212) - you deserved it (86883)

On 07/07/2011 at 3:43am - kids - by shit - United States

Today, my wife actually had the balls to tell me that we can't have sex for the rest of her nine month pregnancy, because according to her, "I don't want twins." FML

#17004643
396 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37399) - you deserved it (10104)

On 07/06/2011 at 7:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went out drinking with my friends. Being safe as we were a little intoxicated, we took a taxi back. The cab driver was also drunk. FML

#17000243
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35976) - you deserved it (3228)

On 07/06/2011 at 1:06pm - misc - by THOMASisMYname - Canada (Ontario)



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