Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

TheElBurrrito

Offline (2 hours ago) | Search for a member

TheElBurrrito

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 3 August 1988 (26 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3268
  • Number of comments : 89
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About TheElBurrrito : The picture says it all. Boobs (a.k.a. succulent dairy holders for babies and grown men) and video games. Xbox to be more exact. I don't see any other reason for living........ Calm down, I'm actually not a shallow person. My sense of humor is a little bit on the inappropriate side, so don't take offense to any jokes I make. I'm not good at this whole "about me" thing, and I honestly think this is maybe the third time I've ever done this. Dallas Mavericks, video games and Batman is all you need to get my attention. If this peeks your interest or just want to talk, feel free to message away. I'm not really sure how to end these things, so I'll just say......

TheElBurrrito's page activity

Visits<b>jack_jill05</b> - the 10/19/2014 at 10:50am<b>hellraisedfire</b> - the 10/13/2014 at 6:47am<b>laamjidkek</b> - the 10/02/2014 at 3:02am<b>Zarniclopsindorf</b> - the 09/30/2014 at 5:54pm<b>bad_luck3</b> - the 09/23/2014 at 11:07pm<b>MARGIE9</b> - the 09/14/2014 at 9:53am<b>expertsmilee</b> - the 09/05/2014 at 3:11am<b>ryanntasia</b> - the 09/03/2014 at 9:21am<b>sometimessam</b> - the 08/19/2014 at 5:41pm<b>JuliaaNoelle</b> - the 08/11/2014 at 2:20pm<b>iMeowchu</b> - the 08/10/2014 at 10:22am<b>lifein2014</b> - the 08/09/2014 at 3:07pm<b>shade19</b> - the 08/07/2014 at 5:25pm<b>Journiexo</b> - the 08/05/2014 at 3:01pm<b>killer0689</b> - the 07/31/2014 at 5:50am<b>TrackGirl19</b> - the 07/29/2014 at 1:43pm<b>LeashaJoy5595</b> - the 07/28/2014 at 2:57am<b>dixie217</b> - the 07/28/2014 at 12:11am

TheElBurrrito's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

See all of TheElBurrrito's badges

TheElBurrrito's favorite FMLs

Today, as if having to endure the noises of my parents having sex in the next room wasn't painful enough, my mom decided to shout, "Yeah! Like a horse!" I want to cry. FML

#21028949
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58374) - you deserved it (5182)

On 01/15/2014 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by DisturbedMan (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, after his sixth beer, my dad looked me in the eye and said "I've never forgiven you for what you did to your mother's vagina". FML

#21025234
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56628) - you deserved it (5689)

On 01/12/2014 at 1:38am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my grandpa took my face in both hands, kissed me on the lips, said "Now you can tell all your friends you've had your first kiss," and walked out of the room. FML

#21023495
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48285) - you deserved it (4577)

On 01/10/2014 at 11:47am - misc - by wtf - United States (New York)

Today, I was asked to go to a ball by the guy I like. The theme is masquerade. He made me a Robin mask; he's wearing a Batman mask. FML

#21021762
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38526) - you deserved it (10742)

On 01/08/2014 at 7:54pm - love - by Unfortunately Me (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I asked my mom why she had two tooth brushes: one manual and one electric. She said: "I only use the manual one for brushing my teeth." FML

#21013669
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46424) - you deserved it (7394)

On 01/02/2014 at 12:04am - intimacy - by Vincent - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was T-boned at an intersection. My wife got pissed when I didn't immediately check on her, but rather the other driver. That other driver was my daughter. FML

#21012945
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54287) - you deserved it (4843)

On 01/01/2014 at 1:21pm - love - by Crashed - United States (Georgia)

Today, I woke up hungover and with $13 stuffed in my bra. I'm not a stripper, and I'm not sure how it got there, but that's the most money I've had on me in weeks. FML

#21012912
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37177) - you deserved it (8536)

On 01/01/2014 at 12:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was at work alone with a stomach bug. For some reason, our bathroom was out of toilet paper, so I had to quickly run to the nearest store to buy more, only to shit my pants midway there. I'm pretty sure the cashier knew exactly what had happened. FML

#21011588
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38368) - you deserved it (3734)

On 12/31/2013 at 1:22pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

#21007475
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48869) - you deserved it (6446)

On 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging to his friend about finally giving me an orgasm yesterday, but that he got scared because my orgasm face made me look like "a camel having a stroke." FML

#21007355
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45077) - you deserved it (5119)

On 12/27/2013 at 3:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Jamaica (Saint Andrew)

Today, as I was driving back home from my grandma's, I looked over at the guy in the lane beside me, only to witness him with a sandwich between his teeth and his cock in his free hand. Now I know why I don't leave the city, or even drive, more often. FML

#21006441
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38450) - you deserved it (3942)

On 12/26/2013 at 6:21pm - intimacy - by NNTA (woman) - Netherlands (Limburg)

Today, I announced my pregnancy to my husband. He responded with, "Well shit, when do these faucets turn on?" and started honking my boobs. FML

#21006112
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37326) - you deserved it (5202)

On 12/26/2013 at 12:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I went to a nativity play. My husband showed up late and drunk, and I had to explain to him why booming "Yeah! Time to get baby Jesus up in this shit!" when our son was about to go on stage got us kicked out. FML

#21001530
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38831) - you deserved it (3940)

On 12/22/2013 at 4:28pm - kids - by bastard (woman) - United States

Today, it's been a little over a month since my dad started taking yoga lessons. We always joked around behind his back that he was just doing it so he could get flexible enough to suck himself off. Well, that joke was confirmed as reality when I walked in on him trying just that. FML

#21001267
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50085) - you deserved it (6936)

On 12/22/2013 at 12:22pm - intimacy - by bleach bleach bleach (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, she stopped moaning and told me to stop because she couldn't fake it anymore. FML

#21001045
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51812) - you deserved it (14918)

On 12/22/2013 at 3:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)



FML's blog

  • Krumla's Illustrated FML
  • It's Friday, so a bold font is required. I was sitting in my caravan by the side of busy road cooking cocktail sausages over a gas stove when I realised it was time to start writing something about this…

Friday 24 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: