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Today, I'm too sunburned to masturbate. Now I have nothing to do. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17072) - you deserved it (48212)
On 05/31/2011 at 7:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous -
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me while I was driving her to a surprise party where I was going to propose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58445) - you deserved it (2916)
On 05/30/2011 at 10:58pm - love - by efff my life. - Canada (Ontario)
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making love, she started to moan and groan. All of a sudden, she stopped and said "I'm lying, you suck at this." FML
I agree, your life sucks (45443) - you deserved it (13597)
On 05/25/2011 at 4:23am - intimacy - by katie -
Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44957) - you deserved it (6761)
On 05/24/2011 at 6:29pm - intimacy - by asnolt (man) - United States (California)
Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time only to realise she squeals like a baby pig in the process. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29571) - you deserved it (6681)
On 05/23/2011 at 2:46pm - intimacy - by Jon - United Kingdom (Essex)
Today, my toilet decided it wouldn't take any more shit from me, and flooded the bathroom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30692) - you deserved it (4683)
On 05/22/2011 at 4:31pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my Dad married his fiancée, who insists I call her "mom". I'm three years older than her, and went to the same high school. She's taking me shopping next week to buy me something "nice". FML
I agree, your life sucks (63458) - you deserved it (2811)
On 05/22/2011 at 5:31am - misc - by quickfingers100 - United Kingdom
Today, I was driving back home with my mom when we saw two squirrels having sex in the road. I told her to just honk the horn. She said that I was being selfish, that sex is a beautiful thing, and that we should let them finish. We sat there for at least five minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35440) - you deserved it (4359)
On 05/21/2011 at 9:00pm - intimacy - by squirrels69ing (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever suck my penis. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51246) - you deserved it (7802)
On 05/21/2011 at 5:07am - intimacy - by no one - United States (Alaska)
Today, I asked my husband, of only a year, why we don't have sex anymore. He said it's because he masturbates. When I asked how often he did it, he replied "Every day that we don't have sex..." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26124) - you deserved it (7079)
On 05/21/2011 at 3:18am - intimacy - by btswc - United States (Hawaii)
Today, I got motion sickness while having sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32714) - you deserved it (4798)
On 05/20/2011 at 10:39am - intimacy - by mikeycoco -
Today, it was my first day as an animal control officer. My first dispatch was to collect a dog that had been hit by a car. I had to clean up my dead dog on my first day of a job that barely pays rent. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46003) - you deserved it (2806)
On 05/18/2011 at 10:48pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was at Walmart with my mom, when a guy next to me let out a series of vicious farts. Assuming it was me, my mom chewed me out in front of the guy and made me apologize. The man looked at my mom and said, "Children, they're so immature." FML
I agree, your life sucks (35529) - you deserved it (2586)
On 05/18/2011 at 12:08pm - misc - by nicknick2 (woman) - United States (Delaware)
Today, after fifth block, I decided to go for a little walk. Apparently so did my boyfriend and best friend. I found them together under the stairs with her head in his crotch. She said she was looking for her contacts. His pants were pulled down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46619) - you deserved it (3175)
On 05/18/2011 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by levi69 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, after fifth block, I decided to go for a little walk. Apparently so did my boyfriend and best friend. I found them together under the stairs with her head in his crotch. She said she was looking for her contacts. His pants were pulled down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46619) - you deserved it (3175)
On 05/18/2011 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by levi69 (woman) - United States (New York)
Monday 20 May 2013
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