Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

TheDragonsGuard

Offline (the 07/25/2014 at 4:40pm) | Search for a member

TheDragonsGuard

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 15 September 1993 (20 years)
  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 4892
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About TheDragonsGuard : Message me if you want to know anything.

TheDragonsGuard's page activity

Visits<b>Derk76</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 2:56am<b>greaterdane</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 11:51am<b>womanmoon</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 11:58am<b>sethe99</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 1:34am<b>Zepherros</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 9:28pm<b>lb562</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 7:54pm<b>tiptoe55</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 5:02pm<b>TrackGirl19</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 2:30pm<b>AustinDenton</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 10:24pm<b>obviouslywaffles</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 2:56am<b>nela25</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 11:30am<b>Zero_TAlent_</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 4:12pm<b>kelsorg</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 3:14pm<b>ryanding</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 2:36pm<b>willrich7</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 12:50pm<b>Edogg215</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 11:47am<b>Faithilicious123</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 10:59am<b>kaya1001</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 9:49am

TheDragonsGuard's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of TheDragonsGuard's badges

TheDragonsGuard's favorite FMLs

Today, I got to explain to someone that "enjoying the warm, rich aromas of fecal matter" is not a good subject to use as an ice breaker for making friends. FML

#21161981
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34977) - you deserved it (4284)

On 06/03/2014 at 6:51pm - misc - by Aether - United States (Texas)

Today, I finally finished a drawing that someone had asked and said they would pay me for. I worked on it for multiple hours and was very proud of it. When it came to discussing payment, I asked what his best offer was. A pack of cigarettes. FML

#21161435
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39207) - you deserved it (7939)

On 06/03/2014 at 7:56am - money - by xerrika - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my grandmother tried to start a fist-fight with my wife during my wedding ceremony. FML

#21160529
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49651) - you deserved it (4114)

On 06/02/2014 at 2:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I told someone about my degree in technical theatre with a concentration in lighting design. They looked at me and said, "You're paid $52,000 a year to turn lights on and off?" And technically, that's correct. FML

#21159630
11 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42634) - you deserved it (11165)

On 06/01/2014 at 6:15pm - work - by ugh - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I got written up for asking my coworker a question that I should have asked my boss to ask my coworker. Yay bureaucracy. FML

#21159568
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38991) - you deserved it (3700)

On 06/01/2014 at 5:03pm - work - by not paid enough (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I clogged my girlfriend's toilet, so being a gentleman, I tried to rectify the situation. I plunged the holy fuck out of that damned toilet, only for her to accuse me of jacking off because I was taking so long. When she stormed in and the smell hit her, she called me a pig. I just can't win. FML

#21159437
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46778) - you deserved it (4934)

On 06/01/2014 at 2:34pm - misc - by shart up, your puns suck (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I walked in on my 15 year old daughter and her boyfriend. They were standing in my bathroom, both naked from the waist down. Supposedly, he was trying to "teach her how to pee standing up." FML

#21159254
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57886) - you deserved it (8257)

On 06/01/2014 at 11:51am - intimacy - by help me - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I took out my phone and realized I butt dialed my girlfriend and left her a 4 minute voicemail of me farting in an echoing toilet bowl. FML

#21158120
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44086) - you deserved it (8299)

On 05/31/2014 at 11:05am - love - by wendtinmypants (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my wife muttering "God, I want you so bad". Figuring she was either talking to me or longing for the second cumming of Christ, I turned over to see which. Turned out she was rubbing one out to some guy's Facebook photos on her phone. FML

#21157398
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57496) - you deserved it (6337)

On 05/30/2014 at 6:05pm - intimacy - by lahiros (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, for the first time in my life, my dad said he was proud of me. It meant a lot to me, and I started tearing up. Noticing my emotion, he looked at me pityingly, said "Aaaaand it's gone." and walked out of the room. FML

#21157338
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40046) - you deserved it (6057)

On 05/30/2014 at 5:04pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my 15-year-old son got so enraged at a fly that kept harassing him, that he ended up slapping himself in the face as it flew by him. This caused him to fall out of his chair, at which point he broke down into a mess of tears, humiliating me in front of everyone. FML

#21157319
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40717) - you deserved it (9471)

On 05/30/2014 at 4:37pm - kids - by get a grip, son (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my psycho, animal-hating neighbour "accidentally" ran over my cat. This is the second time he's "accidentally" done this to a neighbourhood pet since he moved in, three weeks ago. FML

#21157136
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45602) - you deserved it (3400)

On 05/30/2014 at 1:28pm - animals - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, out of habit from twelve years of karate classes, I bowed to my teacher as I exited my classroom. My chemistry classroom. FML

#21156297
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40513) - you deserved it (6517)

On 05/29/2014 at 7:32pm - work - by mathesonn - United States (New York)

Today, I saw a pair of eyes looking at me from my closet. Realizing it must be my cat, I called her. She immediately came out from under my bed. I can't find anything in my closet. FML

#21155508
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58796) - you deserved it (4555)

On 05/29/2014 at 2:46am - animals - by Idk (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I took my driving test. It was all going well until out of habit from driving with my boyfriend, I reached over and held my instructor's hand. FML

#21154900
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43307) - you deserved it (16151)

On 05/28/2014 at 5:12pm - misc - by chevygirl51 - United States



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: