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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Today, I sat on my balls while at a restaurant. As I was wincing in pain and readjusting myself, my girlfriend came and sat on my lap. She landed directly on my nuts. After a minute or two, I stood up, only to rack myself once again on the corner of the table. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23519) - you deserved it (4053)
On 11/16/2012 at 4:40am - misc - by mfischer (man) - United States
Today, my mom came home drunk and yelled at me for 20 minutes for not feeding the cat. We don't have a cat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15698) - you deserved it (872)
On 11/15/2012 at 7:36pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)
Today, my dad put an onion in my room, telling me spirits won't haunt me and that I won't get sick. He thinks a vegetable will protect me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12159) - you deserved it (1477)
On 11/14/2012 at 7:48pm - health - by duhasiangirl - Canada (Ontario)
Today, knowing that I have been in a lot of stress lately, my friend tried to teach me how to meditate. Eventually, I ended up in a deeply relaxed state in which my mind was completely clear. When I snapped out of it, I realized I'd peed myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14938) - you deserved it (2028)
On 11/14/2012 at 4:55pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I brought a fluorescent tube to the store to make sure I got the correct replacement. Trying to charm the sexy cashier, I waved the tube in the air, saying "I need a new light sabre, there is no force left in this one and the Empire is attacking." Turns out she'd never heard of Star Wars. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14071) - you deserved it (17485)
On 11/14/2012 at 6:39am - misc - by hclagopus (man) - Norway
Today, my English professor accused me of plagiarizing a poem I submitted, because she'd read it online earlier that day. The poem was mine; I posted it after writing it for her class, and even after logging into the site to prove it, she reported me to the school. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22747) - you deserved it (1475)
On 11/13/2012 at 4:16pm - misc - by ninjakomodo (man) - United States
Today, I was giving my son a driving lesson. He blatantly ran a red light, so I told him to pull over to let me drive us home. As I walked over to the driver-side door, he instead locked me out and drove off by himself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20388) - you deserved it (4784)
On 11/09/2012 at 1:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Argentina (Buenos Aires)
Today, a woman on the train demanded I give up my seat for her, claiming it was for people with disabilities. Tired from a long day at work, and seeing she had nothing wrong with her, I asked what her disability was. Apparently, obesity is one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21973) - you deserved it (1250)
On 11/07/2012 at 12:58am - misc - by NotAnExcuse (woman) - United States
Today, I found a limp head of celery in the fridge. I thought it looked like the squid alien baby from Men in Black. After nursing it for a couple of hours, giving it food, and rocking it to sleep, my parents found me. Then I realised it was just celery. Too bad it took that long for my meds to kick in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13962) - you deserved it (4415)
On 11/07/2012 at 12:11am - misc - by Squid (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I woke up with a wax strip on my chest and my girlfriend sitting next to me on the bed laughing. She pulled the strip. I screamed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22080) - you deserved it (2963)
On 11/06/2012 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Ugggggggggg (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I enjoyed a lovely family dinner, but my irritating grandma kept trying to buy my purse off me, and kept picking it up to look at it. When I got home I realized all my cash and cigarettes were gone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14617) - you deserved it (1692)
On 11/05/2012 at 5:11pm - money - by Brooklyn - United States (Oregon)
Today, I was reading a book in public. Some bastard stranger came over and started spoiling the plot for me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18442) - you deserved it (1726)
On 11/05/2012 at 10:58am - misc - by Spoilicious - Singapore
Today, to help me get over my crippling social anxiety, my therapist encouraged me to sing in front of a crowd, since I actually have a fine singing voice. I ended up fainting onstage, mid-song. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14792) - you deserved it (1193)
On 11/04/2012 at 2:28am - misc - by Chuffy (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I had my first orgasm. I also came to the realization that whenever I orgasm I get an uncontrollable case of hiccups for at least half an hour afterwards. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18216) - you deserved it (1948)
On 11/03/2012 at 11:52am - intimacy - by hiccups - United States (New York)
Today, I had my first orgasm. I also came to the realization that whenever I orgasm I get an uncontrollable case of hiccups for at least half an hour afterwards. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18216) - you deserved it (1948)
On 11/03/2012 at 11:52am - intimacy - by hiccups - United States (New York)
Monday 20 May 2013
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