Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

TheDragonsGuard

Offline (the 08/14/2014 at 12:32am) | Search for a member

TheDragonsGuard

1Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 15 September 1993 (21 years)
  • <3 status : Not so sure
  • Number of visits : 6195
  • Number of comments : 3
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About TheDragonsGuard : Message me if you want to know anything.

TheDragonsGuard's page activity

Visits<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 11/09/2014 at 11:34am<b>Trace01m</b> - the 11/02/2014 at 7:32pm<b>seeoseek</b> - the 10/09/2014 at 7:01pm<b>lior778</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 8:16am<b>cwrocker</b> - the 08/28/2014 at 5:23pm<b>coolsoccer1234</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 1:29pm<b>Derk76</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 2:56am<b>greaterdane</b> - the 07/25/2014 at 11:51am<b>womanmoon</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 11:58am<b>sethe99</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 1:34am<b>Zepherros</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 9:28pm<b>lb562</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 7:54pm<b>tiptoe55</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 5:02pm<b>TrackGirl19</b> - the 07/21/2014 at 2:30pm<b>AustinDenton</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 10:24pm<b>obviouslywaffles</b> - the 07/20/2014 at 2:56am<b>nela25</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 11:30am<b>Zero_TAlent_</b> - the 07/17/2014 at 4:12pm

Liked!<b>lior778</b> - the 08/29/2014 at 2:16pm

TheDragonsGuard's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of TheDragonsGuard's badges

TheDragonsGuard's favorite FMLs

Today, my in-laws moved in. FML

#21107985
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63201) - you deserved it (5823)

On 04/08/2014 at 9:42pm - misc - by Great (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was being shown how to use a nail gun while applying for a job at a construction company. The instructor shot me in the arm with it. I didn't even get the job. FML

#21107174
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44949) - you deserved it (3147)

On 04/07/2014 at 10:13pm - work - by watch_corn_dance - United States (Illinois)

Today, I noticed something written on the top of my toaster, so I used a finger to clear away some of the crumbs, burning my finger in the process. The writing? "CAUTION: Hot surface!" Thanks, toaster. FML

#21106752
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19638) - you deserved it (43805)

On 04/07/2014 at 1:02pm - health - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out that the squeaking I've heard for the past three months, that I thought was my guinea pig, is actually my girlfriend cheating on me with my older brother. FML

#21105078
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67341) - you deserved it (6409)

On 04/05/2014 at 10:27am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got up early in the morning to get a snack, only to walk in on my "vegan" housemate eating a turkey sandwich. This bastard harasses me every other day about my meat-eating, but all he could do after he noticed me was drop the sandwich and claim he'd been sleepwalking. FML

#21104594
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38720) - you deserved it (3158)

On 04/04/2014 at 6:07pm - misc - by fuck you with a bacon cock (man) - United Kingdom (Moray)

Today, my coworkers continued their new favorite game: staring at me in total unnerving silence. I can't help but be reminded of serial killers. FML

#21103796
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31515) - you deserved it (2969)

On 04/03/2014 at 4:53pm - work - by Welshite - United States

Today, my mom brought her sleazy boyfriend home. He took one look at me, swatted my ass, and said, "It runs in the family." My mom just laughed and winked at me, and mouthed, "He's a keeper!" FML

#21103666
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56771) - you deserved it (3936)

On 04/03/2014 at 1:22pm - love - by wiona (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I have pink eye. Four weeks ago I had scabies. I'm an elementary school teacher, and I'm apparently under attack from biological weapons: my students. FML

#21102371
94 comments

Today, a man asked me on a date. It's been so long, I accepted immediately. He began quoting what seemed like random numbers to me, and it took me a few minutes to work out what he meant. Not only was I mistaken for a prostitute, I'm also worth, at most, $60. FML

#21102227
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39876) - you deserved it (4422)

On 04/01/2014 at 8:02pm - love - by that kind of girl (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I resorted to the oldest prank in the book: laxatives in the food. Except it wasn't for a prank, but just a desperate attempt to get my clingy boyfriend to leave me the hell alone. I think I'm going to hell. FML

#21101967
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38577) - you deserved it (10831)

On 04/01/2014 at 3:21pm - love - by someone (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend and I were snuggling and we placed our hands together, palm to palm. I can bend the tips of my fingers over hers, which apparently surprised her because she commented, "Huh, so big hands AREN'T related to penis size." FML

#21101616
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53736) - you deserved it (6845)

On 04/01/2014 at 2:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my husband and I had some bath time to ourselves. After having sex, he decided to put bath salts in my vagina to spice things up for the next round. It's been twenty minutes out of the bath and it still feels like there are pop rocks in my vagina. FML

#21101391
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45147) - you deserved it (33405)

On 03/31/2014 at 10:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my neighbor yelled at me because, according to him, the sound of me scraping the ice off my windshield wakes him up every morning. This is the same neighbor who ran over my mailbox last week because there was too much snow on his windows to see properly. FML

#21101388
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39665) - you deserved it (2729)

On 03/31/2014 at 10:03pm - misc - by IcyWindows - United States (Utah)

Today, my boyfriend made me sit in his kitchen while he Skyped his mother because he doesn't "feel ready" to tell her he has a girlfriend. He's 23, lives on a different continent and has been dating me for over 6 months. FML

Today, I broke up with my psycho girlfriend of one month. She actually expected me to let her keep the vintage car that I've been rebuilding for the past two years, and when I refused, she threatened to burn my garage down with us still in it. FML

#21100140
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44956) - you deserved it (3943)

On 03/30/2014 at 12:50pm - love - by starfishedasshole (man) - United States



FML's blog

  • FML's Thanksgiving Special: TGS
  • As many of us know through popular culture, today is Thanksgiving in the US. Come on, we’ve all seen a TV show involving a Thanksgiving dinner or plans to do so that have gone awry due to one of the main…

Wednesday 26 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: