Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (13 hours ago) | Search for a member
About TheDog6 : Well I've been on FML for forever and finally decided to make an account.
Music enthusiast. Currently play sax clarinet and bass. Dream is to teach kids about the wonder involved in music.
Don't really know what else to put... So... Uh... Yea... Bye!
☁☀ ☁ ☁ ☁
☁ 🚁 ☁
/ | \
🌴 /🚔 \ 🌴
/ | \
🌴 /🚖 🚔 \ 🌴
/ | 🚔 \
⛽ / 🚔 🚔 \
🌴/ 🚔 \ 🚦 🚲 🏃
__/ 🚧🚧🚧 🚧 \____________ __ 🚗__ __ 🚙 __ __ 🚕 __ __
_________________________________🚒__ __ __ __ __
I’m your new creative director
You had to give your opinion on this new “piece” that the whole world is talking about.
You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.
You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…
Today, my girlfriend asked me to get her a pregnancy test. After using it, we couldn't find how to tell if she was or wasn't pregnant. After about 10 minutes of waiting, Google searching, and tension, I realized I had bought an ovulation test. FML
Today, I was taking a piss at a urinal when a fly started harassing me. I got so annoyed, I tried to swat it. Didn't go too well. I ended up losing control of my stream, soaking the guy beside me. He busted my face in. FML
Today, my boyfriend's idiotic friend shoved me into a stream so I could be "reunited" with my family, since my name is River. The first thing I saw as I climbed out, soaking wet, was my boyfriend high-fiving his friend. FML
Today, I watched a young shop assistant try her hardest to flirt with my 20-year-old son. When he continued to be totally oblivious, she outright invited him back to her flat. When he asked, "What for?" a piece of my soul died at how completely I have failed as a father. FML
Today, an old friend and I reconnected. Everything was going fine until he threatened to visit me at work. I didn't know he knew my place of employment, so I replied, "Do you know where I live too?" He answered, "Would you hate me if I did?" FML
Today, my crackhead neighbour got slightly annoyed at my 2-day-old daughter's late-night wailing. Well, I think so, anyway, as she politely requested us to "SHUT THAT CUNT KID UP." or she would "BLOW BOTH OUR HOUSES UP, YOU FUCKING ASSFUCKS." But I'm not 100% sure. FML
Today, I was watching the movie Frozen with my 8 year old daughter. I had seen it before, so I sung along with some of the songs. My daughter put a finger over my lips, said "Shhhhhhhhut the fuck up," then turned back to the TV, giggling. FML
Today, I found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me. When I told my sister, she just smiled, held up a closed fist, and said "Look at the number of fucks I give!" She then raised a finger, said "Oops. Finger spasm!" then lowered it again. FML
Friday 27 November 2015