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TheDoctor10's favorite FMLs
Today, my older brother managed to convince my younger sister that she's actually a boy, and that she'll soon be getting a penis in the mail, which she excitedly told everyone she could. He convinced me of the exact same thing as well several years ago. FML
by Anonymous / 06/14/2014 at 2:42am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Kids
by Anonymous / 06/13/2014 at 5:27am / United States (California) / Love
Today, after having asked me out on Monday, the guy I like angrily cancelled our date because I "hadn't bothered" even talking to him for "several days". One day. You didn't hear from me on Monday. It's now Tuesday. That's one day, dick. FML
by fartbucket51995129565 / 06/10/2014 at 2:29pm / United States (New York) / Love
Today, some alarm, somewhere in my house, is making a low battery noise. I've checked every smoke detector multiple times, and I can't find it. It has been hours. I'm not sure if its still doing it or if the sound has just invaded my brain. FML
by AndrewKeane / 06/09/2014 at 12:26pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by It'd be nice to see you too. / 06/08/2014 at 10:17pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend wanted to make breakfast. Since I usually do all the cooking, I said that was fine. Four hours later, my boyfriend and I were sitting on the sidewalk across the street as the firemen sprayed down the burnt remains of our kitchen. FML
by Un1ucky / 06/07/2014 at 11:22pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, after a big house party the night before, I woke up with a dry mouth and a pounding hangover. I took a swig from a cup I'd left on my bedside table the night before, thinking it was water. Nope; it was vodka. FML
by shartface12 / 06/06/2014 at 6:01pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, my students turned in their male figure artwork. One absolute idiot had the smart idea of drawing me and the TA as some kind of gay lovers. I was torn between disgust at the explicitness, anger at the disrespect, and yet awe at how well-drawn it was. FML
by confusing / 06/06/2014 at 3:00pm / Zimbabwe / Work
Today, my university considered it an "embarrassment" that I was going to be the first and only person to graduate from my engineering course, so they gave free passes to two guys who hadn't finished their thesis yet. They were congratulated in the newspaper; I wasn't. FML
by jlmed / 06/02/2014 at 7:10pm / Colombia (Valle del Cauca) / Miscellaneous
Today, I clogged my girlfriend's toilet, so being a gentleman, I tried to rectify the situation. I plunged the holy fuck out of that damned toilet, only for her to accuse me of jacking off because I was taking so long. When she stormed in and the smell hit her, she called me a pig. I just can't win. FML
by shart up, your puns suck / 06/01/2014 at 2:34pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
Today, a girl asked me out on a date to some hot springs, about 2 hours away. After a mile hike, the springs were finally in sight. She then slipped and cut her shin open. I had carry her the mile back and drive her the 2 hours to the ER, where her parents, whom I'd never met, were waiting. FML
by jonchavez / 05/29/2014 at 7:46pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love
Today, I was at a buffet with my kids and husband. As my boys got up to get more food, I told them they'd better come back with something green on their plate. They both came back with mint ice cream and got a high-five from my husband. FML
by outsmartedbykids / 05/28/2014 at 12:28pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming "What the fuck?!" FML
by great 1st impression / 05/25/2014 at 12:09pm / United Kingdom (Derby) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mother-in-law came over for dinner. She decided to salt the food I was preparing without even tasting it first, then complained at dinner that I'd used too much salt. She then lectured me on the proper seasoning of food for the rest of the evening. FML
by NaCl / 05/24/2014 at 5:20pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, I realized that when a girl asks what your plans are for Valentine's Day and you say "nothing" and she responds with, "Oh, I don't have any plans either", it means she wants you to take her out. Took me three months to figure that out. FML
by clueless / 05/19/2014 at 1:15pm / United States (California) / Love